Tattoo (A Namjin ft. BTS And Jensoo ff)

22. Sweven

" Joonie, never think like this. You are not bad, you are just unlucky " Jisoo said while controlling her tears and Namjoon saw it. The lad thought that he was again the reason for the lady's pain. Namjoon was being hugged by jisoo when he fell asleep from exhaustion

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" Koya? " Namjoon hurriedly opened his eyes only to find himself in a pitch black area. On one side of that was a door from which light was coming and on the other side was he, himself but his younger self, standing with teary eyes. " How long are you still gonna hide me? How much more pain are you gonna keep inside yourself? How much more will you torture yourself? How much? Don't you want to breathe freely? " Said his teenager self.

"Who are you? " Asked Namjoon confused. The teenager just smiled and said " You " " What? " Asked Namjoon shocked. " I am you, I am your heart. For the world I am an illusion but for you I am your real self. The self whom you hide from everyone for the past 25 years. That self who just wanted love but only got pain. I am that heart of yours where you keep all of your secrets, your pain and your sadness." Said the teen as Namjoon's eyes were full of water.

" No you can't be me. " Said Namjoon protestingly " This is what and who I am. A cold stone with no feelings. A unluck for everyone. A killer and a Betrayer for that hobi hyung who was my everything after my mother, Who was my best friend and my special one. I am that brutal and cruel human being for tae, kook, kai, Jiminie and Jackson. I am that mistake of my mother for which she took her life. I am that bad brother who always makes yoongi hyung, jisoo and Jennie nuna cry. I am that person for whom my last bit of happiness has left me. I am nothing but a black spot for my family. " Namjoon said but still somehow holding himself back and not breaking down. Teenage Namjoon went near Namjoon and placed Namjoon's hand on his own (adult namjoon's) heart.

"You are not what you seem like. You are not a cold stone. I am who you are, soft and fragile like a petal. I am you. I am that seed because of which you are the tree. You can't give up like this. Remember, cat scratches soft soil only. Even the judge of our Karmas have faced immense pain. Remember the time when you were trying to find a job and you met Shanay, She told you something which you should never forget. Everything in life happens slowly slowly. There will be pain but if you do good deeds then even the god is bound to give you rewards. So we should keep our patience. I believe that good time will also come in our lives but slowly slowly. The world will understand you one day. Our hobi hyung will understand our sacrifice. Our family will understand us, just don't give up Koya. Please don't let me fade away. I want to live, I want to feel love without any fear of getting hurt. I know you want that too. We want to be us. We are same. We are us. " Said the teenage boy. Namjoon looked at the boy with teary eyes. But still can't believe the fact that He is not that Namjoon kim who he thinks he is. He is that Namjoon Kim who his teenager self says. " Namjoon think with your heart not your mind. You have think enough for the others now please think of yourself. " Said the teenager pleadingly.

" How koya? No body ever understood me. That day if I wouldn't lie to hobi hyung then YN would have killed him. If that day I didn't betrayed hobi hyung then he would have no chance to come back to us. YN was a sadistic woman. She have played with many peoples feeling. Her strategy was first to make man fall for her and then break their heart. After that she would slowly slowly torture him and then eventually painfully kill them. I got to know about this and then I went to hobi hyung. I couldn't say the truth cause that would push hobi hyung into the darkness of immense self hatred. I never wanted that. So its better to hate me than his own self. If a person is in pain and gets angry than we should let him take it out. Till date, I have kept this inside my heart that I am not a betrayer nor a killer. I was even in jail for two years for something which I never did. It left a negative remark on my career. Those two years of my life should have been the Worsetest year of my life but in reality, those two years were the best two year of my entire life. I hate being weak koya, I hate being weak. I never want anything else except love, love without the fear of getting hurt. " Finally said Namjoon to his teenager self. He has been hiding a big stone in his heart for years.

Teenager Namjoon hugged Namjoon tightly and said " I am so proud of you koya. So proud of you. I am sure one day you will get justice. You will get love without the fear of getting hurt. I am sure about it koya, sure about it. "

" Thank you koya for not giving up on me. "

" No don't thank me. Remember I am not anyone else. I am you, I am your heart. "

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So this is a not so good chapter but I once personally saw myself talking to me in my dream when I myself was too stressed and maybe something like depression. This dream is very common among people who have depression. This dream can be both positive and negative. For Namjoon I gave the positive side of this dream. Well a chapter over 900 words... Hope you like it.

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