Just your typical bestfriends-since-birth story but add a little complication on the side with the influence of alcohol, music, arts, and feelings- get to know how Gin and Lorenzo took their friendship into the next level.
Or, will they?
Couple of days passed and I decided to occupy myself with painting. Something I always do when I'm in a mess. I told my secretary to file a vacation kahit 1 week. I wanted to stay at the gallery alone.
I've used all the dark hues, a reflection of what I was feeling, only to be reminded that all those colors were given by Ian. I began crying again with all the paints scattered around.
The hardest part of loving is walking away despite being still inlove with him. I feel like my mind is at war with my heart. Holding on and letting go at the same time. I just can't handle the trauma anymore. You don't know how painful until you stare yourself at the mirror and began crying, begging yourself to be strong. That is pain.
Hindi ba pwedeng magmahal nang hindi nasasaktan? Yung hindi ka iiwan?
I thought about the 2 remaining letters ian gave me. I wiped my face as I pull another one letter out of my drawer.
Dear Gino,
I am sorry. I'm sorry that you tried so desperately to fix me, when your own hands were shaking. I'm sorry that I didn't give you enough time to heal, that I let you seal the wounds of everyone else while your own were bleeding. I'm sorry that there were days when smiling hurt but you forced yourself to laugh so that no one had to worry about you. I'm sorry that you gave all of your time and effort to people like me that didn't give the same amount back. I'm sorry that there were nights when you cried yourself to sleep and I wasn't there because I am nothing but a weak ass who can't even walk without my steel legs. I'm sorry I gave up easily. Naduwag ako, natakot, nanliit. I'm sorry I messed up. You love me so much but I was too coward. My second chances are gone and so are you.
I'm sorry I've hurt you instead of fighting for you. Wala akong ibang dahilan noon kung hindi ang protektahan ka mula sa kahinaan ko. Ayokong lumubog ka Gino. Mahal kita, at ikaw ang uunahin ko lagi. Over anyone else, over myself. Lagi lagi, ikaw lang Gino.
Ian
Sa dami nang luha na iniyak ko, hindi ko alam na may iiiyak pa pala ako. Sobrang sakit. How can we love so deeply and hurting so much at the same time.
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I read Jimin's flooded text messages for me. And none of it helped me ease the pain I was feeling. Hiniling kong umalis sya at hindi na makita pero bakit ako nasasaktan.
