Letters to my Bestfriend

.20.

Ian's pov

Months of living in the hospital has drained me. My mind, my soul. Everything is just so tiring. Even the little things irritates me. I know I should be thankful I'm alive but it frustrates me so much to just lie down and sit here all day.

I wanted to go to school and finish all my plates and paintings. I wanted to study and get back to my normal routine. I want my life back so bad.

Halos tumira na rin si Gino dito. He would bring me my art materials and occasionally he would let me draw but sometimes it's the reason I throw tantrums too. I feel like I'm not the same Ian who can make an art in just a minute.

The doctors said I should not force everything. I should let my body heal first. And that too much stress is not good for me. Napagalitan pa minsan si Gino for trying to sneak me out late at night just because I wanted to go out.

I still can't walk because of the operation I had in my leg. Nilagyan nila ng bakal yung binti ko dahil sa nabaling buto. And now I have to go to therapy for that too.

"Kaya mo 'yan, ga." Gino encourages me one time when he went with me to the physical therapy. Pinipilit kong humakbang habang nakahawak sa magkabilang bakal na sumusuporta sakin.

But all of my attempts failed, adding just another frustration. Gino held me up, almost carrying me.

"It's okay, ga. You can always try again. Hm?"

I did not say a word and just nodded. Because truth is I'm getting tired of this sick cycle and I feel like I'm not even getting better.

Everyday, Gino would also do the same routine. He will go to school in the morning until late afternoon and directly goes to the hospital after. I never saw him getting tired and restless. In fact, he's always been cheerful.

Today, he brought me a blank canvas and some acrylic paints. "Love you wanna try painting?" Tanong nya.

He set up the stand on the table beside my bed and the canvas on it. I picked a few colors and started working but everything just don't set right with me.

My work looks dry, dull, and blank. It doesn't connect to me at all. I groaned in frustration. Lumapit naman agad sa akin si Gino para aluhin ako. He brushed my hair lightly and tapped my back.

"It's okay, love." He says, looking at my work. "Maganda naman ah."

I know he's lying when he said that. Kahit bata hindi matutuwa sa gawa ko.

"You want to try again?" He patiently ask.

"Wag na."

"You always tell me, practice makes perfect. Mas magaling ka nga sakin eh. Remember you always ace all our arts subjects? Kasi nga you're naturally talented. Kaya alam kong kaya mo—"

"Hindi nga! Hindi ko kaya, Gino! Hindi ko na kaya! Wala na akong kayang gawin, okay?"

I know i surprised him when I shouted. I wanted to take it back but the damage has been done already. I closed my eyes and lowered my head. Massaging my forehead like it's gonna take away the headache I just caused.

Gino remained silent but soon after he sit on the side of the bed, moving closer to me. He cupped my face, locking his eyes with mine. "I'm sorry po. Sorry for forcing you to do those things. Hindi ko na uulitin. We'll take it slow okay?"

I nodded. He hugged me, rubbing his palm against my back. How can he be so calm and kind in this situation.

His phone rings making us break from our embrace. He got up and pull his phone out of his bag.

"Daddy."

I can't really hear what the other line was saying but I see how Gino's feature contorted. He's face grimace in fury.

Gino ended the call the faced me with a smile on his face. "Sorry, ga. Uuwi muna ako ha. May nangyari lang sa bahay." He says, kissing my forehead before grabbing his back.

"Tawagan ko nalang si Kuya Yoongi para samahan ka dito. Hmm?"

I nodded. "Thanks, ingat ka."

Soon after Gino left, I got my phone and called my parents. I asked them to come to the hospital immediately. After taking to them, I send a text to Tita Sally asking her if she has the time to talk to me too.