For Now, For Good

13. - A Year Ago

(the thirteenth hour)

"Everything kind of feels different now" Lando mumbles as we head off into the approaching morning. It's almost 6am, and even though we dozed off for a few hours in the hotel room, we still had a few more hours until this all had to end.

Wrapping my arms tight around myself, I fight off the approaching, "It doesn't need to" I encourage with an unconvincing smile.

Lando's jaw tightens as if my comment angers him. "Are you going back to Finn today?"

"I need to talk to him" I admit, breathily.

An infuriated chuckle falls from Lando's direction.

"Don't do that" I ask, shaking my head in disappointment.

"Do what?"

I stop walking, the mixture of the reality of our situation, as well as being incredibly overtired, makes holding down my emotions a little harder. "What do you want with me?"

"What?" he asks, stopping in his tracks a little ahead of me and spinning around to face me.

"Why are you mad?" I ask, defending our time together.

"I'm not mad" he sasses in a chuckle.

"Lando" I deadpan, taking a cautious step toward him.

"Tell me you don't feel what I'm feeling?" he boasts, running his fingers through his hair.

"What?" I breath.

"Tell me, you don't feel, what I am feeling right now?" he repeats, a little calmer this time.

I shake my head in frustration, "We can't feel what we are feeling right now" 

"Why not?" he gushes.

"Because I have a boyfriend, for one" I inform, as Lando lets out a mocking laugh, "And you're about to go and travel the world"

"So come with me" He suggests, his hands reaching forward to grasp mine.

"I can't" I shake my head.

"Why not?" He asks pained.

I hate that my first initial thought was to go.

My breath comes out staggered, my inner conflict weighing heavy on my chest. Trying to rationalise our truth. "Because, I have school, and a job, and finals coming up. I have a life here that I can't just walk away from."

Realisation hits him, although he does his best to knock it aside.

I hate that it's come to this, although it was inevitable.

Taking a step away from him, not trusting myself to complete my thoughts whilst his hands rest in mine, I shove them into the pockets of my jacket, rubbing my fingers through my palms to hold onto his touch.

"I'm not denying that you and I found something wonderful here, in each other, I'm just saying that our worlds don't allow for the other one to be in it" I inform.

"After this season, I'm done" he spits.

"You don't know that" I encourage.

"I do" he reenforces. "I just, I don't see myself doing this anymore"

"So then what?" I ask

"I'll come to you"

I hate how much the thought of that pleases me.

"A lot can happen in a year" I inform him. "Look how much happened in 12 hours"

"Make me a promise then. A year from now. You'll give our worlds a chance" he suggests with a smirk.

"What?" I chuckle.

"A year from now. 7pm, I'll meet you in the booth at P.J. O'Briens. We'll start again"

Present Day

"You're walking away?" Jade shouts as I storm out of the gates.

"Let it go, Jade" I warn, tossing my head in both directions before crossing the street.

"No" she boasts, running up by my side and grasping onto my hand, halting me in position as I make it onto the other side of the road.

"What?" I let out a breathily and infuriated laugh, "We came, we saw him, I did what you asked. Just let it go, please"

She shakes her head, "No"

"Seriously?" I pull my hand from hers and begin to set off down the street again.

I hear her footsteps quicken behind me. "You're a coward"

This grabs my attention. Swinging my hair around as I whip to face her, anger fuelling me. "What the hell did you just say to me?"

"You heard me. What are you so afraid of? You went to the restaurant already, if you were so willing to do that, why are you not willing to talk to him now?"

I roll my eyes at her, anger overpowering my sadness. "There's nothing to talk about"

"You love him" she acknowledges.

"Oh my god" I chuckle, walking away from her, but her footsteps pick up just as quickly.

"You've spent the past year being in love with him and now you're too afraid to let it morph into reality. You preferred it festering in your own little fantasy world."

I continue staunching down the street, no idea whether I'm heading in the right direction of the hotel.

"You said it when you told me about that night, you said it worked so well because it was a fantasy. But news flash, B. What if it's not? What if this time, it's reality?"

I halt, turning to face her. "And what if it's not?"

Her face drops, lips parting with a response although there's none falling out.

"What if reality ruins our fantasy? At the moment, I can say that moment was perfect. For 24 hours, we were perfect. What if the now taints that memory?" I admit.

Jades face softens at my confession.

"It's not going too" she encourages. "I saw how he looked at you"

I let out a chuckle. "Yeah. In his McLaren Merch, for the formula 1 team he drives for, all around the world, our worlds are even more far apart than they were 12 months ago"

"Baylee?" My skin grows cold at the sound of his voice, both our heads darting toward the direction it came from.

The vision of Lando sprinting down the road, makes the butterflies in my stomach perform tumbles as I can feel the excitement pick up from Jade beside me.

"Oh my god" she gushes. "Do you want me to leave? I'm going to leave? I'm going. I'll see you at the hotel. Oh my gosh" she excites, walking onward toward our hotel.

Part of me wants to run with her.

"There you are" he pants, finally reaching me and collapsing forward, his hands coming to a halt on his knees, tiny balls of sweat forming on his forehead.