For Now, For Good

31. - Present Day

I've been pacing aimlessly around the surroundings of the garden, realising that I really have no where to go. Lando has my belongings at his hotel, and I haven't booked a hotel, and the sun set around the time I walked away from him. 

I guess all I really need right now is space. Perhaps he does as well. 

This entire thing feels as if we were going around in circle, and been on the same rotation the past year. 

Was I being unfair?

Was I stopping Lando from living out what he was obviously born to do?

I didn't think I was, I thought that I was being supportive, but no one really ever knows do they? Perhaps what I was doing in my head meant something completely different to the receiver. 

"There you " his worried voice sighs from behind me. 

Turning to his direction as he rounds one of the trees to join me on the make shift river bank, he pushes his hands deep within his pockets. A sign that he comes in peace. 

"I was worried where you got too" he mumbles, keeping a respectable distance between us. 

"I don't exactly have anywhere to go, do I?" I sass. 

I hear him left out a breath, "I guess I deserved that" he comments, not reacting to my bite. 

A moment of silence passes between us, before I chose to lead the conversation. "I understand what you are saying, Lando. I really do. I get it, well I don't completely get it, I'm not in your position, but I guess I can appreciate the difficult position this puts you in. Us in." I watch as my words hit him, slight nods coming from my statements. 

"I don't think I explained it very well" Lando admits. 

"No" I shake my head with a slight chuckle, "It's not that, I don't think there is anyway really to say it. But I think we need to talk about it. Work out the issues and see if they can be managed, or if walking away now is the healthiest option" 

I notice how his eyes dip when I mention walking away, which fills me with a little bit of ease. 

"Nothing has really gone in our favour has it?" he chuckles, "I mean, last year with everything and then how now has panned out. I feel like I'm chasing my tail when it comes to us"

I nod, "I understand" 

"Do we talk now?" he asks, his eyes stiffening showing how uncomfortable he is now. 

"Yeah, I think we need to, before we take this any further. I can't be staying in your hotel room and that if this doesn't go a good way" I tease, however undyingly serious. 

Lando nods his head in front of me. 

"What do you see as the issue here?" I ask. 

He lets out another breath, looking up and rocking back on his heels whilst tightening his grip on the railing. "When drivers become a "couple", things just go bad" He comments. 

"Elaborate" I push. 

"For one, our relationship will be in the spotlight, everything questioned and judged and misread and manipulated, calculated, mocked, exaggerated" he lists off with pain in his voice. 

"I can understand that" I sooth, "But, I don't see why we have to lean into that part of the relationship" I feel pathetic, like I'm begging him to be with me. 

"It's really difficult to ignore" he admits, shooting me a glance out the side of his eye. 

"Okay, so this decision will depend on what other people think about it?" I hear the tone when it comes out.