17. - Present Day

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When I finally crawled into bed that night after one of the most intense therapy sessions of my life, I pulled my phone off the charger and brought it up to my vision as I lay my head down. 

I see that Lando has commented on my lasted instagram picture and it makes me embarrassed

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I see that Lando has commented on my lasted instagram picture and it makes me embarrassed. 

I click onto his name, bringing up his profile and flicking through the pictures I had spent many late nights scrolling through. Bringing my thumb up nervously to where the sunset aesthetic circle outlines his profile picture, alluding to a recently uploaded picture, I click on it to see a picture he's taken of the Yarra River from earlier today. He hasn't captioned it with anything so I click on the picture to take me to the next one which is one of further up the river, except this time, the back of me is centred in the frame, captioned 

Can't believe I lost a year 

Knowing that's only going to make sense to us, and from the picture you can't exactly tell who I am, it makes me flutter with goosebumps, a familiar feeling returning. 

As my finger nervously hovers over the profile message button, I try and think of something witty and funny to say, or do I go with sensitive, or truthful, I'm not entirely sure. 

I move my finger back over to the story, finding the one of me and clicking on the red heart, knowing it's going to be sending a notification straight to his phone. 

A notification buzzes straight down from the top of my phone, however it's from outside of instagram, and it's an incoming text from a number I do not have saved in my phone. 

Unknown: I've been wanting to message this number for a year, I didn't know what to say

I chuckle at his message, knowing full well who it belongs too. 

Baylee :That was a hell of an opener, you could have just messaged that

Lando: I wanted too, I've been wanting to say a lot this past year, I just didn't know what happened. 

Baylee: I know, but the point is, we are here now. 

Lando:There was something I wanted to ask you today, but I couldn't bring myself to get the words out, perhaps text would be easier. 

Baylee: Go on. 

Lando:Where did you go?

Baylee: I'm right here, lol

Lando:No, you know when I mean. 

Lando:2pm. 

Lando:A Year Ago. 

Lando:I went, you weren't there. 

Lando:I looked for you. 

Baylee: I know you did

Lando: You knew I went?  

Baylee: I knew. 

A Year Ago

Peering from around the corner of the building, I watch as he waits up against a car I can only assume he's borrowed. I watched as people stopped, asking for pictures and autographs, I watched as he answered questions whilst always keeping an eager on the entrance to the study hall. 

I wasn't sure how long he was going to wait there, and I couldn't bring myself to leave until he had. 

I peer down at the t-shirt I'm wearing, pulling the collar up and smelling his lasting scent, terrified that it was going to fade away too quickly. 

Lando waited there for an hour, and everyone had long cleared out of the building and I watched the realisation string over him as he accepted that I wasn't coming. 

I couldn't concentrate in my class anyway. Every part of me was playing over the past night in my head and forcing myself to feel bad about it, and I just couldn't. It alarmed me more that it brought me nothing but happiness and joy and that every part of me wanted to leave that class and climb back into bed with him. 

Walking away from him at the hotel was going to have to be how I walked away from him. I didn't know how to do it any other way, and I don't think I could. 

I walked away from him at the hotel with a promise of 2 more hours until I could see him again, and that felt hard enough to do. 

I don't know how I could walk away from him with the uncertainty of an empty promise of a years time before I could see him again. 

Even as his car pulled out of the carpark, his head lingered on the exit, waiting for me to appear. 

As it round the corner, I dropped down to sit on the concrete step at the side of the building, my arms resting on my legs as I picked at my fingernails. 

'it's for the best' I continue to tell myself. 

'you've only known him for half a day' I try and convince myself. 

Even though the truth of my feelings was this felt like a breakup. 

"Hey" Jade announces from behind me. "You okay?" 

I turn to face her, tear stained cheeks. 

"Oh honey, what happened?" she coos, dropping down beside me and wrapping her arms around me. 

I sob gently into her embrace. 

"I have to tell you something" I admit. 

"Oh my god!" she gasps as we sit on the couch of her dorm room after I've managed to lightly cover the last few hours. "Show me a picture" 

I pull up his instagram, scrolling to find one where his helmet isn't covering his face and hand it over to Jade who's jaw drops the minute she views him. 

"Oh yes! He's hot!" she gasps in a chuckle. 

"Jade, stop" I groan, "This is horrible, I'm a horrible person, what about Finn?" 

"First of all, Finns a dick and we all know it, he's been wrong for you since the beginning, and please, everyone gets a hall pass when the guy on the other end looks like this" she coos. 

I can't help but chuckle, although it doesn't make me feel any better. "It was still wrong" 

"Did you fuck him? Please tell me you fucked that gorgeous representation of man"

"JADE!" I boast. 

I couldn't tell her, I knew I could trust Jade every single part of me, with every secret, with everything I have, but this. 

I couldn't. 

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