For Now, For Good

30. - Present Day

As my flight touches down at Shanghai Hongqiao International Airport I feel extremely ill. I never thought I would ever dread seeing Lando this much, but ever since I hung up from the call and took this seat on the plane, every single fight or flight instinct in my body was telling me to walk away. 

If only my heart had the same intuition.  

Pulling my suitcase over towards a small cafe, I order myself a green juice as I take a seat and delay the inevitable. 

"Did you have a good flight?" 

His voice startles me from behind as I catch slight glimpse on him in my phone screen reflection. 

"Geez, Lando!" I gasp, holding my hand to my chest. 

As I turn to face him, his eyes look distant and sad, completely disconnected to me seated in front of him. 

My eyes lock onto the forced swallow of either emotion or courage, I couldn't tell the difference at this point. I didn't trust what I wanted to see more. 

"I was waiting for you" his hand points aimlessly behind him. 

"Sorry" I apologise weakly, the tension only heightening between us, "I didn't see you" 

The small talk felt so awkward and forced. 

He takes a seat swiftly in front of me, his hands fidgeting on the table in front of him, ensuring he doesn't make any eye contact. 

"Your green juice ma'am" the waiter offers, placing the glass down in front of Lando's fingers. "Can I get you anything, sir?" she offers. 

"No thank you" he mumbles, not even really acknowledging her presence. 

I wait for her to leave, passing the time by bringing the paper straw up to my lips and pulling a face at the way I can already feel it going soggy. 

Lando continue to fiddle with his fingers, which is starting to anger me instead of concern me. 

"Did you find somewhere to stay?" he asks dryly. 

"Seriously?" I dry chuckle, unamused completely. 

His eyes dart to me, "What?" he asks unaware. 

"I feel like maybe there are other things we need to talk about first?" I shrug. 

He looks around, "Not here" 

"Then take me somewhere where we can talk, the past 14 hours haven't been fun" I confess. 

His eyes have remained locked on mine cautiously, before he slightly nods, immediately standing to his feet and grabbing my suitcase handle in one of his hands and holding the other outstretched to me. 

I look to him first with almost reassurance and permission before a slight nod from him gives me the urge to reach out and interlock our fingers as he guides me through the airport. 

My eyes catch sight of some passers by snapping some pictures of us on their phones and I feel the tightening in my lower stomach. 

Unaware that I've gripped a little tighter on his hand, he pulls me closer and ducks slightly to my ear, "This is majority of what we need to talk about" he confirms. 

I nod slightly and stay beside him as we make our way out to the front of the airport where a black town car is waiting, and judging by his reaction to Lando, I presumed is waiting for us. 

Lando opens my door after handing my suitcase to the driver as I slide in and shuffle across to the other side before he ducks his head in and closes the door behind him as he settles into his seat. 

"Jing'an Park, please" Lando requests as the park pulls off the curb. 

It only takes us about 20 minutes to drive there where Lando and I exchange necessary pleasantries before the driver slows to the side and leaves his ignition on as he steps out and opens my door. 

"Thank you" I appreciate. 

"Can you please take her bags to our hotel and I'll give you a call later" Lando requests, shaking the drivers hand before rounding to front of the car where I was standing waiting, gazing out onto the most beautiful scenery in front of me. 

"A little different to the Yarra?" Lando chuckles. 

"Yeah, a little" I agree, wrapping my arms around my shoulders. 

As we begin to pace through the gardens, taking in the beautiful architecture, I begin to feel a little more relaxed and slip into a similar delusion from a year ago. 

"I'm sorry if I've worried you" he apologises. 

I turn my head up slightly to look at him, his focus remaining forward. 

"What's happening?" I ask. "I thought, I don't know. We were okay?"

"I know" he spits immediately, "We were, we are" he corrects. 

We walk in silence a little further, no idea where to take the conversation, but all I know is that he needs to lead this. 

"What happened at the airport" he begins as he position ourselves on the middle of a bridge overlooking a man made pond. "What happened after I mentioned you in that interview, it's pressure. For the both of us."

I didn't exactly know what he was getting into. I noticed my follow count had gone up a little, but I didn't really read too much more into it than that. 

"I'm not sure I understand?" I confess. 

"You mean a lot to me at the moment, Baylee. You know that right?" he asks. 

My face softens a little, although I'm a little taken back by his compliment. 

"But" he mumbles. 

And there it was. 

"Moments pass you know? And I'm not saying this isn't... you know" he tries to soften, however I slowly hear his voice breaking into an inaudible mumble. "But F1 is everything to me, and I just worry that maybe this added pressure is going to put unnecessary stress on me and on you" 

"Pressure?" I shake my head in a whisper. "Lando, I didn't out us to the media, that was you. And now you're saying it wasn't a good idea?" I confuse. 

"I know" he utters. 

"Lando, you aren't putting a ring on my finger and wifeing me off to the media, you didn't even say we were together, I don't get it?" 

He lets out a staggered breath, "I know" he continues to repeat as it increasingly infuriates me. 

"Holding my hand in an airport whilst knowing people are taking pictures isn't really helping your case either" I sass, feeling incredibly petty. 

"I get that, B. I really do. I just, I don't know what to do. I just know I cannot have anything come in the way of this. It's everything I've ever wanted" he gushes. 

"Formula 1 is a moment too, Lando. Don't worry, it'll pass as well"