70. Love is Pain

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Gentle rays of sunlight entered the marui, painting the soft brown tones of the home a shining gold.

Neteyam found himself lying on the floor in the middle of the marui, spread out like a starfish with his hair all over his face in a rather unattractive manner. The young na'vi groaned, turning on his side, pulling back in surprise when he saw Ao'nung sleeping beside him, a blanket folded under his head as a makeshift pillow. Despite sleeping, the Metcayina's hair was neat, not a single braid loose nor a curl out of place.

Neteyam groaned quietly, rubbing his eyes as nausea washed over him, and he became awake of the pounding in his head. Neteyam tried to sit but gasped and fell back with a loud thud as pain shot up his spine.

"Shut the hell up, bro-" Lo'ak hissed, half asleep.

Neteyam closed his eyes and curled up, drifting back to sleep. The next time he woke up, he felt someone playing with his hair. Neteyam sniffled and took a shaky breath. When he opened his eyes, he saw his mother leaning above him, smiling and working on undoing his braids. She was almost finished.

Ao'nung was still sleeping next to him. Neteyam turned his gaze towards his brother's sleeping mat and found it occupied by said sleeping boy. Lo'ak limbs were sprawled out sloppily, and he snored softly. Looking around, Neteyam realised everyone else was also still asleep. Only his mother was awake.

Nausea washed over him once again, making him scrunch his nose and cover his mouth.
Neytiri placed a hand on his son's forehead, soothing him. Neteyam appreciated her, but the pain in his head made him whine. Neytiri finished removing his braids as he dozed off; sleeping was his only escape from his hangover.

Hours later, Neteyam was finally ready to start his day. Ao'nung did not look like he had drunk anything even though Neteyam could remember his mate drinking more than him.

Neteyam's siblings were nowhere to be found, but his parents and Ao'nung were inside the marui when he carefully sat up, trying to find a pose that did not make his lower half throb. Neteyam winched and turned his gaze to Ao'nung, who was watching him with a smirk.

Jake watched helplessly as his son attempted to massage his own hips, loincloth doing nothing to hide the bruises and nail marks decorating his body. Jake thanked Eywa Lo'ak, and Kiri were not yet mated. He could barely handle Neteyam - actually, he could not handle Neteyam at all.

Neteyam stood with the help of Ao'nung, body tense, and swaying from dizziness. Neteyam turned towards his father, uncertainty clear in his gaze.
"Is it okay if I wash up, sir?"

Jake sighed, pain tickling his heart at his son's nervousness. Even if he did not enjoy knowing what he got up to with Ao'nung, Jake would never shame him for it. "Yeah."

Neteyam furrowed his brows before shuffling out of the marui, head hung and confused tears burning his vision. He was not even sure what he was sad about. Ao'nung wandered after him, reaching out to touch Neteyam's arm carefully.

"Neteyam," he whispered, tense. "What is wrong?"

"I'm okay!" Neteyam swallowed the lump in his throat and forced a cheerful smile, the corners of his eyes squinted. "My head hurts. A lot."

On the outside, Neteyam had mastered the perfect act of happiness, even though on the inside, his heart felt like it was set on fire and drenched in gasoline. His tail swished around behind him, but Ao'nung was busy looking over his bite marks and hickeys to notice. The Metcayina felt a little bad. Neteyam had no way of hiding most of the marks littering his body.

"I'm gonna wash up, " Neteyam spoke up. "Can you wait here?"

Ao'nung nodded, sitting down in the sand as Neteyam disappeared behind a large rock. Once he was out of sight, the Omaticaya simply sunk underwater and cried out, clutching his chest. The Metcayina wine had dulled his wild thoughts for a night, but now they were back, and they tore into his core with blackened, evil claws. Images of his torment played before Neteyam's closed eyes, torturing him with painful memories he could never forget. His unbraided hair floated around him in a gentle halo, framing his face.
Neteyam resurfaced, breathing erratic; he was dizzy and unsteady on his feet, vision blurred by angry tears.

The Omaticaya sunk under once more, squeezing his fists and searching with his agonised golden gaze for anything to bring him relief from the torment. Neteyam spotted a tiny, broken shell and grabbed it, hissing out as it poked his fingertip, staining the water red - Neteyam's lips parted as he stared at the blood tainting the ocean.

He was spiralling out of control rapidly - he was falling fast with nothing to grasp, plumeting towards the darkest parts of his mind, the parts that kept him awake at night, the parts that told him to destroy his own skin, to litter it with wounds.

Neteyam eyed the shell wearily, exhausted by the world around him. For a second, he wished Quaritch would have shot him dead.

Self-control lost, Neteyem pressed the broken shell into his arm, digging into the soft dark blue flesh. The pain was like an immediate relief. It shocked him awake and filled him with shame and fear at what he had done. He yanked the shell from his arm and stood, breaking through the water's surface, eyes wide in disbelief. Neteyam blinked rapidly before taking a sharp breath and calling out to Ao'nung, who was waiting for him patiently by the shore.

"Ao'nung, please I -" Neteyam whined out in undisguised agony. "Please, I need my father, I can't do this-"

Ao'nung jumped to his feet, panic freezing his blood. The Metcayina wasted no time; he ran towards the Sully family's marui and burst inside, chest heaving and disoriented.

Jake and Neytiri looked up at him, surprised.

"It's Neteyam!" Ao'nung yelped. "He's not okay-"

Jake ran after Ao'nung as the Metcayina led him towards the spot he had left Neteyam.
The Omaticaya had not left, but he looked absolutely distraut, shoulders shaking as he covered his face with one hand, his other, injured arm cradled to his chest.

"Neteyam!" Jake called out, hurrying into the water and wrapping his strong arms around his son's shaking form, pulling him close. The blood dripping down Neteyam's arm smeared his father's chest, but if Jake noticed, he did not react.

Ao'nung waited for them by the shore, pacing back and forth.

Neteyam inhaled sharply, short little breaths. "Dad, please. I can't-"

"What wrong, baby boy?" Jake whispered, voice shaking as helplessness settled in his heart. "What can't you, baby?"

"Everything hurts-" Neteyam whimpered, sniffling and crying miserably, chest heaving. "Everything is so dark and I can't find a way out, dad. I can't take this. I need it to stop. I need everything to stop!"

Jake's eyes clenched shut, vision blurred by tears as he held his sobbing son close, caressing his damp hair, kissing his forehead. Jake took a deep breath, just as Tonowari had taught him, and pulled back to look into his son's eyes, seeing nothing but pain shining in them.
Jake placed a hand in Neteyam's chest. "Breathe in, my beautiful boy, breathe in slowly. It will make things better. You'll feel better. "

Neteyam tried to copy his father's steady breathing, but constant hiccups and sobs cut him off, destroying his attempts at calming down.
Jake watched helplessly as his son fell apart in his arms.
"I'm going to pick you up, Neteyam. Hold on to me. We'll go back inside."

Neteyam let his father carry him home, mind empty and silent. Jake set him down on his sleeping mat and kneeled in front of him. Ao'nung had followed them, crossing his arms tightly to steady himself and keep his control over his emotions.

He desperately wanted to destroy every single person who had brought his mate to this dark headspace. Jake located the medical Ronal had made his son and took a generous scoop of it onto his finger. He turned to his son and placed his other hand on his wet cheek.

Neytiri watched, silent.

Neteyam did not react, shutting down.

Jake poked his son's lips gently before pushing his finger inside and rubbing the salve against the root of his mouth. He watched Neteyam's eyes dilate slightly before the young na'vi closed his eyes and exhaled in relief. Ao'nung walked closer, unsure if he should do anything. Jake stepped aside and motioned for the Metcayina to sit with Neteyam.

Ao'nung sighed softly and closed his eyes, settling down next to Neteyam and hugging him gently.

"I love you, Neteyam. " Ao'nung's whispered broke the tense silence. Neteyam's lips twitched. "I'll always be here for you."

Neteyam yawned, leaning against Ao'nung

"Sleep," he mumbled, voice slurred. "I need to sleep."

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