Destined To Collide

The Collision Expands-Chapter 30- Spencer/Brook

Spencer's law firm; New York City; a Monday; and Brook's parents home in California.

Spencer- Brook broke up with me and moved back to California where her parents are. It pains me to admit this but it was all my fault.

Brook- It's not completely his fault, but after 9 months of trying to get him to be the man I still know he really is, he keeps going three steps backwards with every step he moves forward.

Spencer- But I'm not giving up, I'm going to win her back. It used to not be very easy to acknowledge any faults about myself, but Brook has changed that. I was just so single minded with dominating every situation I'm in that I found myself belittling the one woman, I truly ever loved. Yes, I've learned from her to be self aware. But I was and perhaps still have trouble with being there for her troubles.

Brook- I don't know if it's over forever, it just became something of a fruitless task. Okay, maybe that's a little unfair of me to say. I actually made a lot of progress with him but over time I feel like I became less of a girlfriend and more of a live-in life coach for him. I don't to say it was a toxic relationship because I know he was really trying but it was getting to be very exhausting and very one-sided.

Spencer- I love her. There I said it and I mean it. Or at least I think I do. I do know that I'm really not faking anything like I did with Carolynn (Linnie), which now I regret, I guess. I say I guess because these types of feelings and emotions are still pretty new to me. In the end, I think that's part of why Brook dumped me. I just couldn't stop blaming Donny for 'stealing' Carolynn from me. He was right though during his little speech though, I really did love Carolynn, genuinely, I just didn't recognize what love was. Now, I have a bit of a better understanding, thanks to the woman who's been as patient as anyone could be with someone like me, Brook.

Brook- I still love him, truly. And I know he loves me in the best way he knows how, but his main focus was still on 'taking over the world', so I came second to his ambition and many times he acted like I was being a nuisance just by being around him. He had a hard time letting the Linnie and Donny thing go but at the same time, so did I and I still do now. It's just every time I needed to talk about issues I was having, whether it was problems at the accounting firm I worked at or just every day emotional issues, he had a hard time empathizing with me and just made every situation about himself. I know it seemed like we were happy with each other when Donny was making his apology speeches but things were teetering on the edge under the surface and because Spencer is so challenged emotionally he never picked up on what was bothering me about our situation. It is really sweet of him to call me his queen but despite my best efforts (and his own, I suppose) we didn't really get to the point where he made me feel like a queen.

Spencer- I failed my queen. She was the best thing to happen to me in my whole life and I blew it. I couldn't recognize how much of an emotional toll I was putting on her by not being the emotional presence she deserved. However, I think her breaking up with me was the best thing to happen to me. This gives me the opportunity to refocus my mental energy. Instead of treating any relationship I have as a means to an end to further my ambitions, I need to make conquering this area of my life where I'm sorely lacking. 

Even now it's difficult to admit these things to myself. I started seeing a therapist a couple weeks ago and it's already helping I think. I believe we discovered a big reason why I am the way I am. One reason is my upbringing. Growing up with the elitist lifestyle of the Upper East Side, I was taught that emotion is weakness, and that anything and everyone can be used and abused if it serves whatever my misguided goals I had as it served a higher purpose just because I was born into the elite one percent.

 But more importantly, when Carl was still running this office and I was being my phony charming and entitled self, Chad, the only person that saw through my façade would say that I have some kind of personality disorder, like sociopathy. It turns out, I do have a condition but it's not sociopathy. I have high functioning Asperger's syndrome and I'm mildly bi-polar. I'm in my 40s and I'm just now finding out I have these problems. But more to the point, I'm not giving up on me and Brook. I'm going to try and get her back but if I'm unsuccessful in doing that then I still would've gained some valuable skills.

I've been thinking all these things while sitting in my office at work but someone is calling me now. If it's Carl again, asking me represent him, I'm going to be quite angry. Chad?

"Hello, Chad." I answer the phone, "I certainly wasn't expecting a call from you."

"And I certainly never expected I'd be calling you," Chad says to me, "but you're one of the best lawyers I know and I know Carl called you just like he called me and I know we both turned him down. But he did employ us for all those years and you were engaged to his daughter. I think we both owe it to him to help Madeline with Carl's trial because things aren't looking well for him."

I don't want to tell him about the breakup so I just say, "when do we start?"

Brook- Even now, I haven't completely given up on him yet. I know he has the ability to be the man I know he can be. To be the man I first fell for when we first met way back at Chad and Janine's wedding and had drunken sex in the broom closet. Like I've stated before, he's actually pretty normal when he's drunk but to his own credit, he hasn't gotten drunk since because he wants to be able to learn to be that way without alcohol. If he can be that way while drunk then that means he really can be the man I know he can be. I think this time apart could be what he needs to realize he needs to put in the effort to work on himself and not to just rely on me. And I need this time apart to figure out what I want, not just with Spencer but with everything. The Donny apology speech to me really hit me hard which is why I said earlier that this breakup wasn't completely Spencer's fault. After Donny so sweetly apologized for him but emotions became a wishy-washy whirlwind and it wasn't fair to Spencer. This may sound selfish and egotistical but I want him to fight to win me back. I think that the road to him to trying to do that would be the best thing for him. And I won't make it too hard of a mountain to climb.

I've been sitting here on my parents' living room couch going over these things in my head but now someone's at the door.

I open the door and it's the last person I never thought or wanted to see again.

"Hey, Brook, how are things?" he asks me.

It's Nathan; the man that I cheated on Donny with when Donny and I were still engaged. I'm embarrassed to admit that until I reunited with Donny last fall, I spent years pining for Nathan. 

After Donny broke off our engagement I dated Nathan for a little bit, even though I was heavily reluctant at first because of the harm we both caused to Donny (Nathan was a close friend of Donny's in college and law school until then). But Nathan was the only person that was there to console me over the broken engagement and my feelings for him only grew. Until he started cheating on me with his now wife.

I know how that sounds now but everyone else had rightfully turned their backs on me. I had already developed feelings for Nathan before our little tryst which is what lead to my infidelity in the first place, obviously. I was scared and immature when handling Donny losing his mother and that's why I did what I did. It would've been very easy for me to blame Nathan but it wasn't his fault.

But why's he here now?

"Hey, Nathan," I say, "how've you been?" He comes up to hug me which I reluctantly accept.

"Not good which is why I'm here," he says to me, "your mom told me you're back in town and I thought that's the best news I've heard in a long time. I'll get right to the point, I know you just broke up with your boyfriend back east so I don't want an answer right away. My wife, Janet, she took the kids and divorced me because I could never get over you."

I already don't like where this is going.

"So, with that being said," he continues, "I'd like to ask you if you'd be interested in getting back together with me?"

I'm stunned. I really don't know what to say.

End of Chapter. Please vote and comment.