Brighter Stars // Billie Eilish gxg

f o r t y

Carmen's POV

I wasn't up that late last night, yet somehow I feel absolutely exhausted.

I stand with my back turned away from the shower head, letting the warm water run through my hair, washing away all of the chlorine in my hair from last night's swim.

Last night.

The thought of last night alone makes me feel butterflies in my stomach. The way she touched me. The way her eyes gazed intently into mine as her head was between my legs...

Focus.

I shake my head and get a handful of shampoo in my hand before beginning to lather it into my scalp.

Today is a very important day, and I have to be out the door in two hours.

This case has been highly publicized, and I know the media is going to be there. I feel a knot in my stomach just thinking about the news reports that are going to come out today.

I rinse the shampoo out of my scalp, then run some conditioner through the ends of my hair. I need to feel good to do good.

I try not to stress out while washing my face, shaving my legs, then rinsing my hair one last time.

Once I step out of the shower I blowdry my hair, do some light skin care, and throw on a small amount of makeup.

I still have about an hour and 15 minutes before I have to leave. Fuck, what am I supposed to wear to things like these?

I step out of the bathroom still in my towel and head to Billie's room. She's on her phone in bed still.

"There she is!" Billie coos, setting her phone down and opening her arms.

I approach her and wrap her in a hug, trying not to let my towel fall down. She plants a kiss on my cheek.

I pull away and head for her closet.

"Do you have anything business casual in here?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

She cackles. "That's funny." She says, standing up and stretching.

"What am I supposed to wear to this shit?" I ask, feeling a little stressed out.

"Claudia told me that she has stuff you can borrow." She says, heading for the dresser and tossing me a pair of underwear and a bra.

"God bless Claudia." I say, dropping the towel and putting on the undergarments.

I throw on an oversized tee shirt from Billie's closet, and head towards Claudia and Finneas' room.

I knock on their door quietly, hoping they're awake.

"Yes?" I hear a masculine voice say from inside the room.

"Hey, it's Carmen..." I start.

The door swings open, Claudia at the entrance and Finneas still laying in bed.

"Need clothes?" She asks, smiling.

"Yep. Billie does not have business casual clothes apparently." I say, rolling my eyes.

Finneas laughs from the bed.

"Come with me." Claudia says, guiding me into her closet.

She shows me several nice outfits, and I end up picking a pair of black slacks, a white top, and a black blazer. Luckily, Claudia is only a half size smaller than me in shoe size, and I'm able to squeeze into a pair of black pumps.

I look good, not gonna lie.

"You look beautiful." Claudia says, fixing my hair as I look at myself in the mirror.

"Thank you for your help." I say, turning towards her.

She wraps me into a tight hug.

"You're gonna kill it today, Carmen." She says, rubbing my back.

We're interrupted by Billie walking into the bathroom with us.

"Holy fuck, mama." She says, walking up behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist.

Claudia takes that as her cue to exit and slips out of the bathroom, leaving Billie and I in there alone.

"You look sexy." Billie says, planting a quick kiss on the side of my neck.

"Thank you baby." I say, turning to face her.

I plant a soft kiss on her lips, then slip out of the bathroom as well.

She follows me out of the bathroom and into Finneas' studio, so I can grab the notebook I used to write the statement.

"You gonna practice?" She asks.

"Uh, no, I'm just gonna go for it on the stand." I respond, picking up the notebook and tucking it under my arm.

"Oh, okay." She says, heading towards the door to the studio.

"I'm gonna get ready." She says.

"For what?" I ask.

She turns to look at me with a confused expression on her face.

"For the sentencing?" She says.

"You're going?" I ask, feeling warmth rushing into my face.

Billie scrunches her face in a mix of hurt and confusion.

"Did you think I wasn't going to?" She asks, crossing her arms.

I swallow the lump in my throat.

"I would prefer it if you didn't." I say cautiously.

She looks taken aback. She takes a deep breath before responding.

"Why?" She asks, visibly hurt.

"I don't want you to hear what I wrote down." I say, without missing a beat.

"Really?" She says, sounding frustrated.

"Yes, really." I say, slipping past her out of the studio and heading towards Billie's room.

She silently follows me into her room and closes the door behind us. I sit on her bed and place the notebook next to me.

"You really don't want me there." She says, still standing by the door.

"It's not personal, Billie-"

"It sure as fuck feels personal, Carmen." Billie says, emotion present in her voice.

I don't say anything, and try to keep myself from becoming overly emotional.

"You never let me in." She says, walking towards me and placing herself at the foot of the bed.

"What do you mean?" I ask, sitting up straight.

"You refuse to tell me anything. How am I supposed to help you through any of this?" She says somewhat harshly, looking angrier than before.

"I don't need help." I say coldly.

"So you're going to tell an entire room full of strangers your story, but not your girlfriend?" She asks, roughly running her hands through her hair.

I don't know how to respond when she puts it that way.

"I don't want to traumatize you." I say softly, trying to somehow de-escalate this conversation.

"You don't want to traumatize me..." She repeats, closing her eyes in frustration.

"I don't want you to look at me any differently, Bil." I sigh, knowing that my argument seems completely outlandish to her.

"You think I would do that?" Her tone shifts from aggression to hurt.

I don't know what to say without hurting her any more than I think I already have.

"I'm not trying to hurt you." I say, reaching towards her.

She stands up from the foot of the bed and stands by the door again.

"I mean, it's your decision I guess." She says.

I can't read the expression on her face anymore.

"Billie..." I start.

"You probably need to leave soon." She says, before opening the door and walking out of the room.

I sit there on her bed, not sure if I should follow her or just let it go.

I pick up my phone from the bedside table and order an uber. She's right, I do need to go.

//

can't believe I've written 40 chapters of this lol. how are we feeling guys??