To Be Loved

For now.

Seven months of pregnancy and four months of marriage are not good for me. All my emotions are here and there, and all my feelings are messy. I do not want to feel like crying, eating and especially not horny all the time.

And when you have a roommate like mine, who is sinful and hot, tell me would you also not dream about him the way I am dreaming right now? I started rubbing my belly when I felt my baby kick me.

The baby started kicking me a few months ago, and the first time he felt the kick, I saw a joy I had never seen on his face. And ever since that day, it's a religion of ours for him to touch my womb every time the baby starts its football practice inside. And every time his hand touches my stomach, my mind wanders to all of the what-ifs and what would happen if that touch goes a little to the side, a little to the left, or maybe right. It would be fine even if it's north or south. Anywhere and everywhere, just for a while.

I don't know when I started seeing him like that. I do not remember the time or setting but it did and it's hurting me a lot to keep my hands to myself. It's a torture to have him around me and not have him with me.

I would not dare call this love. I know it is not. It's merely an attraction. Maybe to an extent, I might have a crush on him. Can safely say brooding sad guys were always my type but I guess they still are.

It is silly to say that I have a crush on my husband but considering the situation we are in right now this should not happen. It does no good to anyone.

I don't know. We talk. We have been talking a lot since Kushi's day (the day I lied to him about how I went to him only because my mother came. I don't want him to know I started liking his company). And those conversations always start with a normal topic in the middle where both of us get witty and then suddenly we start fighting and then exactly five minutes later we end up laughing at that very same thing.

There is so much potential. If I am being honest. I blame those damn laughs that he throws my way abruptly. It's illegal for someone to sound so good when they are doing something so mundane as laughing?

I sighed and started playing with Lucky. The stray cat I adopted. He hates it and Lucky loves how much he despises him. I see him glaring at my poor cat sometimes and I do not know what is wrong with that man that he has a problem with my cat.

After playing with him for a while I got up and went outside my room. I started going for a small walk every day around four to five in the evening. Just me and my thoughts alone and sometimes Varun also comes with me.

Today is one such day I guess because by the time I was outside, he was waiting for me.

"What took you so long?" he asked showing me his usual always irritated face.

I just rolled my eyes and was about to start walking when both of us saw my father getting off his scooter. I bent my head down but I can still feel his eyes on me.

After my wedding. Which was like months ago I did not speak with my father. I would like to maybe someday. But not now.

Suddenly I felt Varun's big hand enveloping mine, he interlaced our fingers making my breath hitch. I looked up at him but he was not looking at me, he was staring straight ahead as if there was nothing that needed his attention here as if he did not just stop my breath for a second with his touch. As if my world did not stop for a second.

I don't know what happened when he pulled me towards him suddenly and then I realised a vehicle was speeding past me in speed. He was about to mutter something which I am sure is a curse word when his head turned towards me, trust me I am not lying, my toes curled in anticipation.

"Please be careful," he muttered and made us switch sides. Now he is walking towards the roadside and pushing me towards the corner side. And still holding my hand.

I tried breathing normally. And we walked in silence. I did not want to look up again or speak anything. Because for me, this moment is enough. This peace is enough. For now.

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Author's note:

Please let me know what you are thinking about the story.

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Love-Anya❤️