To Be Loved

Family

She is eight months pregnant and my god she is glowing. She can't walk on her own properly now so it's either bhabi or maa always with her if she has to leave a room. At night, I started staying awake a lot because she was mumbling and huffing in discomfort. Her cheeks are so round that sometimes I think about pinching them but we haven't gone that far in our relationship if there is something like that.

It was around midnight when I came to our room after writing something in my diary—a habit she made me practice regularly.

She was still awake, lost in her thoughts, I heaved a sigh before sitting next to her, which grabbed her attention and she turned her head towards me.

"What do you have in mind for today?" she asked.

Did I tell you guys that I am reading to the baby?

I did not reply to her instead "Are you okay?" I asked her. And I saw her taking her lower lip under her teeth.

"I am close to delivery. What do you think?"

I smiled at her. I know she is in a lot of pain. And my heart shatters every time I think about how I can do nothing about that. I took her hand in mine firmly. An act of assurance.

A year ago, if anyone had told me that I would be in my room. With a wife, a pregnant wife and somehow I got myself to love that baby. I would be asking them to leave that place and leave me alone. But here I am. Sitting next to her, holding her hand like it's nothing.

Don't let me fool you. I don't know how scared she is. But I am. In these few months of us being together, we were not a couple. No. We were beyond that. We did not need words, we did not need actions. It's as if there is a string connecting her mind to mine. Where we just... are in sync.

"Tell na! What do you have in mind for today?" she said making a face.

I looked at her as if I were in deep thought. Acting like I need some time to think about. But truth to be told I already know what I wanted to talk about today.

"How about family?"

"Family?" she asked and I nodded. I can see the sullen look falling over her face and I gave her hand which is still in mine a squeeze.

"What about family?" she asked. She is no longer excited.

"What do you think?" I said, but right after that I bent. My face few inches from her womb.

"Hey buddy. It's me again." I started.

"So before we come to the point I have to let you know that we can't wait to meet you.

You know when I was young. I always had a bad relationship with my brother." I paused and stared at her. She just nodded at me to continue.

"We never agreed on anything. He always wanted to dominate me and my mother let him. Saying that he is the oldest of the family. And for a greater part of my life I was resenting him. But then, he moved out. He left and there was this emptiness in my heart. I had friends, don't think that I did not. Many friends who actually are almost like family. But like they say family is family.

Your RaRa uncle like you know had an unfortunate incident where he lost something. His legs. When I had everything in my life, all the good things, everyone was with me. But when I lost it all? No one showed up. There was sympathy. And with that a lot of people did spend some time with me. But eventually people get busy in their lives and people stop contacting you. But you know who stayed through the entire thing? My brother. He stood by me. He helped me change my clothes, help me wash myself. He stood next to me as I cried my heart out. Got me breakfast when I refused to eat."

I took a deep breath.

"I am not saying friends are not important. They are! But always remember, family should be your priority. Even if you don't like them. And even if they don't like you. They will stay."

I said the last part, but I was looking at her when I did. And I saw tears in her eyes...