Harry potter and his life of bullsh!t

Chapter 26: Wake up babygurl

NARRATORS POV~

The wind howls around layers of stone, frigid cold air spreading through every crack in the wall. It was like a blanket had covered the world as if It was a flashlight, pitch black. Every sound echoed down long corridors, bouncing off of every surface to fall on the ears of no soul.

Well, no soul except one.

Harry walked silently down the hall in the dreaded early morning, an eerie smile covering his face. Of course, if he were to get caught then he would be in a lot of trouble, but who are we kidding? He wouldn't get caught, he was creepily good at illegal activities.

A large wooden door stood in front of the boy when he reached the end, an ominously quiet moment.

There was no point in knocking, the man's snoring already echoed through sensitive ears. Harry walked into the room, walking to the man to stand over him blankly, his eyes nearly glowing in the dark.

Well, that would be if there wasn't a nightlight in the corner that barley lit up the room for a man afraid of the dark.

Harry's hair nearly brushed over sickly skin when he leaned over to whisper in his ear darkly.

"If you don't get up right now I'm telling Hades to put you in a cell with a crazy cat lady that has sleep apnea and is way too spiritual."

Voldy snapped up immediately, a terrified yelp getting cut off by himself falling out of bed.

"Alright, what in the bloody hell is wrong with you?" He grumbles, stumbling to stand up and rub his sore tailbone.

"Hey, it got you up." He shrugged. "Now prepare yourself cause man do I have a story for you."

The exhausted sea cucumber flopped backwards onto his bed, glaring at the boy to which he received an amused grin in return.

The love child of Jack Frost and emo Jesus clapped his hands together. "Alright- so here's how it starts. I was thinking about how I miss Padfoot and moony-" "Who?" "My godfather, Sirius and his boyfriend- well not exactly boyfriend, Remus." "The dogs?" "Eh sure."

"Anyways, so I was thinking about it, right? But Padfoot is still in Azkaban right now, and it hasn't been discovered that Peter is still alive yet, so In theory I'd have to work out how to get him away from that place, which I mostly had already. But earlier, Hades said something to me. He said I should be able to talk to dementors because I'm the master of death and can speak all languages. So this is what got me thinking. You starting to see where this is going?"

Baby lover stayed quiet, his sanity slipping more with each word.

"Well, I went to Azkaban-" "Of bloody fucking course you did." "Yup, I did. Went straight in, avoiding the security wasn't really an issue either since it was honestly shit. They should fix that. But I went in and when I saw a dementor. She almost attacked me, but I spoke to her and she was surprised that I could speak her language. So anyways, blah blah blah, they find out I'm their technical god since I'm the master of death, yada yada yada they make me realize I have some weird ass dementor powers, boom bang bam they agree to go easy on people of my choosing, and voila- I now have visitation access whenever I want."

"I'm too tired for your dramatic life right now.." Voldemort mutters, rubbing his eyes. "Weren't you depressed or something after seeing them?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I'm depressed already- but either way the presence of Hades in my mind made me used to any sort of dark mind fuckery." "Ah. Cool. Now let me sleep." "Fine, but we're talking about the stone when you wake up." And with that he quite literally disappeared from thin air, not only scaring the crap out of a certain bald reptile, but also causing him to stare into space at absolutely nothing for another thirty seconds.

On the other side of the school Harry appears again, cracking his neck and sighing softly. Now here was the fun part: getting Peter Pettigrew straight from the arms of a sleeping Ron Weasley. Easier done then said, honestly, since all it took to get the rat was grabbing it by its tail and squeezing the side of its skull, gently though....kind of. He put it in a cage that was enchanted with some random shit he didn't bother thinking about, and made his way down to the Chamber of Secrets.

Peter sat quivering on a table in the corner of the library, watching a boy hum a funeral tune like it was the ice cream truck song.

It was almost time for breakfast, so Harry had to get ready, but he made sure to grab a book from the chambers library that was written in parseltongue. He liked reading and speaking in the language, he didn't know why but it was more welcome and easier than english to him. It felt like breathing in a relaxed state compared to breathing when your guardian raises their tone of voice.

He threw on his robes, giving Athena chin scratches and walking into the dorm common room. Surprisingly, Draco was already awake, although barely, considering the seat of his head and droopy eyes.

"Morning, Lotus." He gave the blond a small wave, sitting on a bean bag chair with his book. When Draco stood up he sighed. "Again?" He muttered when the boy flopped into his lap. "Morning Hyacinth...Yes again, you're colder than the stone wall and it feels nice."

The pale menace playfully rolled his eyes, starting to read. Draco's eyes were still slightly foggy from sleep, but he managed to catch a glance at the pages. "What language is that?" "A fun one." "No bloody hell, but what's it called?" Harry looked at the title of the book "365 days of hell." "I meant the language, not the book." Draco sighed in exasperation, shaking his head. He only got a shrug in return, which irritated him more. "I hate you." "You love me and you know it." "Fair enough." Harry snorted, playing with the boys hair unconsciously while he read.

When it came time to go to breakfast is when people starting rushing out of their dorms half dressed in a rush, just like every morning. No one spared a glance at them, already used to it.

Harry could feel his body's exhaustion, and he knew well that he would have to reset it that night, but he couldn't help but not care in the least. He would probably end up freeing his godfather within the next few days, and he was more than eager to do so.

A/N: really just wrote this to feed you guys some content and get my writing back in check, so I hope you liked it. I have an AI problem now, so yeah- 💀

Fun fact: People are killed more by mosquitos then by any other animal.

Question: Have you eaten and drank enough today? (Cause I haven't 💪)