Feasting The Knights

Don't You Ever...

Jon's POV

Why do I feel like absolute garbage and why is it so damn bright in here?! I think to myself. "Hi there, Jonathan. I'm your Nurse Kathy, how are you feeling?" I glance towards the unfamiliar voice. "Where am I?" Her face is now in my view. She seems to be middle aged with a beaming smile on her face, that I can't tell whether it's fake it or not; the smile. "Oh, you're in the hospital. Don't worry too much, all of your family are here making sure that you're okay." I grimace. This is not how it was supposed to go. "I need to get the hell out of here! They shouldn't be here, for heavens sake, I shouldn't be here." I yell out not aiming my anger at anyone in particular. "It's okay, you're in the right place, we're gonna help you get better. Just try and relax, honey." She tries to coax me to lay back. I curse, "get the hell away from me." I cuss at her.

Then I feel a pair of strong arms holding me down on the bed. "Hey bro, it's me, Jordan, calm down dude." His face now in front of mine. After a few minutes, I finally cave in and settle back down. "I'm just going to go and get the doctor to let them know that you have woken up." I hear the door open and close, leaving me alone with my brother. I think I'm alone with him, I can't hear any of the other family. I lift my head to access my room. Jordan is sitting on a chair near the end of the bed occupied by his phone. "Thank heavens." I mumble. "They're all out in the relatives room, if that's what you're wondering. Keli-Anne is also in there with them." He tells me, not sparing a glance my way. Oh. I don't know how to feel about knowing she's out there somewhere. "Why is she here?" I hear Jordan snickering. "Why do you think? Because she cares about you and wants to be there for us." I stay silent for a while. "Why are you here? Maybe go and be with her, doing something fun." I tell him, my tone sounding flat. "You're my brother and my best friend, Jon, I care about you. I don't want to feel like you're on your own." I glance towards him, staring into his eyes that are similar to my own, they're red and puffy. He's finally returning his gaze to me. "Why aren't you angry at me or bombarding me with hundreds of questions, Jordan?" I ask him, curious as to why he's sitting so calmly and quietly. "You've been through enough with what you did and I just want to focus on being here for you like you have been there for me in the past."

I watch as he sniffles and fidgeting on his chair. We stay in silence for a while and then there was a knock at the door. I'm relieved when I see it's the same nurse and I'm presuming a doctor. He comes over to me with his hand outstretched to shake mine. "I'm Doctor Dooley, and I have been on the team looking after you. How are you feeling, Mr Knight?" I shake his hand. "Been better. I'm exhausted as well." I respond. "We had to pump your stomach from the attempted suicide due to the amount of alcohol and drugs inside. You may feel discomfort and exhaustion for a few days so we will keep you in while we have you on an I.V drip to help with the dehydration due to excessive amounts of alcohol and drugs you've consumed. We will also be giving you daily psychiatric assessments while you're here, they may eventually refer you to the community psychiatrist unit once you've been discharged. Do you have any questions?" I glance between the doctor and my brother.

I shrug my shoulders and shake my head. "Argh crap my head, feels like a hangover from hell!" My voice straining from the sudden pain. "You need to take it easy. We will continue with the drip and the headache will decrease as time goes on." I nod. "Okay, I will leave you in the capable hands of our lovely nursing team. See you soon." I watch as he shakes hands with Jordan and then leaves the room. The nurse checks my drip and goes through my patient file. She soon disappears, leaving just me and my brother.
"Do you want me to go and bring Keli in to see you?" I wince at the mention of her name, I don't want her seeing me like this. "No, Jordan." - "alright. Do you want me to bring you some clothes to change into and toiletries etcetera? I'll ask mum or dad to come in here while I'm nipping home." I nod, "thanks brother. Either of those or yourself, only. Warn them to not fuss over me or I'll send them on their way." I instruct him. He chuckles, although it's not sincere. "Right, I'll make sure they know. Be respectful though especially to mum, you gave her a scare. I'll be back ASAP." Then Jordan stands up and comes next to me. He goes to put his arms around me. "Don't you ever think about doing this again, Jon, do you hear me?! I can't live without you, I need you. You're everything to me." He curses in my ear. I watch as he leaves me alone in this quiet room.

Glancing out of the window, I notice how it's mostly fields and animals. It would be my dream to have my own farm. Although I'm not sure it's what Jordan is wanting. Maybe we can compromise. We've always said that we would live together no matter what our relationship statuses were. I don't know what to think right now. I don't deserve to have Jordan looking at me like I'm his everything and I don't expect Keli-Anne to forgive me and forget any time soon. My atrocious behaviour towards her has truly scared her for life. But that leaves me as to why is she really out there with the rest of my family, I reckon she's here because she wants to be there for Jordan. They're good with and for each other. I'd just continually mess everything up with them so it's probably better for them to get on with their lives.