Feasting The Knights

Jon's Huge Heart

The sound of someone vomiting wakes me up and I quickly locate myself to be in Jordan's bedroom; in his bed to be more specific. I call his name out but wait for a few moments before he comes out of the bathroom. His face is pale. I gaze into my eyes which are bloodshot, puffy underneath and the frown which hurts my heart.

When we were at the hospital, I didn't understand the urgency of why he wanted to leave but because I wanted to be there for him, I didn't question him knowing that he'll tell me when he's ready. He was lost in his thoughts and the frown stayed on his handsome face up until I managed to make him smile, even just a little one.
When he comes back to the bed, I beckon him to me by opening my arms out wide for him. I want him to trust me and feel comfortable enough to let himself be vulnerable in front of me.
When he holds an envelope that has my name scribbled on it and checks to make sure that I'm wanting to read it. It's upsetting when he says it is a suicide note and I don't know what to expect. Knowing that he's offered to stay with me as I read the note means so much to me and that he's here with me.
The fact Jon thinks I'm a good person even though he never got to know me as well as his brother has shows he's obviously more observant than I thought. I'm thankful that I've had the chance to meet him too. My life would never be the same again. I'm surprised to find that he saw me and Jordan on our date at the park. Although this makes me feel annoyed at him because it was his own fault doing what he did, I do feel for him. I wonder if he feels like I've moved on even though I haven't. As soon as I realised that him and Jordan are a package deal, I was willing to accept this and somehow make it work. I still do. Especially now that I know there is so much more to Jon and that he has a huge heart. Maybe he can make me smile one day soon just like his brother does, I truly hope so. Reading him talking about his dark side leaves me feeling intrigued. I just wish I knew about this sooner and then none of what happened could have happened. Even though I'm petrified, I'm wanting to see how it works with the both of them. I understand now how sorry he is and perhaps I need to try to be more understanding towards him.

Somehow I managed to not cry whilst reading the note but now I've finished, my tears fall down my cheeks causing my mascara to smudge. I pull Jordan's arms tighter round my waist needing him surrounding and comforting me. "Are you okay, sweetheart?" He asks from above me, I turn my head to gaze up to him as his head is resting against mine. Now it's his turn to wipe my tears away. "I hate knowing that he felt like he did. I mean in the way that he felt taking his own life was the only option for him. I feel really bad for going off at him earlier now that I understand him better." He kisses the top of my head. "All we can do is just be there for him, but what happened between you and him today?" I was waiting for Jordan to ask me this. I take a deep breath.
"I shouldn't have gone in to his room when I did but I didn't think he would react to me being in there with him in the way he did. That's on me, I should have waited until you got back. I was hurt when he said he told you that he didn't want me to go in there to see him. I basically told him he should treat you better than he does because you deserve better. That he should stop pitying himself and feel lucky. Not all of us are as lucky. Lastly I won't go near him unless you want/need me to be with you. That's what I said in response to him." I sigh a little too loud and my eyes lower, focusing on his shirt. I feel him lifting up my legs and twist me round so I'm sitting across his lap. We agree that we need to be patient and possibly bite our tongues if Jon goes off at us. Which isn't easy as he seems hell bent on trying to push us both away but unfortunately for him, we're both determined and perhaps a little stubborn.

"Jordan, can I ask you something?" I avoid looking into his eyes as I feel embarrassed to be asking what I'm about to ask him. He motions for me to ask him my question. "When you and Jon have a girl, how does it work?" He chuckles. "I was wondering when you were going to ask that, and don't be embarrassed. I'm guessing you've never seen two guys at the same time?" I nod, still embarrassed. "It's just like when you date one guy. Except with us, you get two for the price of one. We're open with each other. Like communication is extremely important. There'll be times when it'd just be me and you, or just you and Jon then other times, it'll be the three of us. How does that sound to you?" I absorb everything he says. "What about intimacy? Do you two do things with each other? Is there any jealousy?" I rush my questions out as quickly as possible before I get shy. "It'd be like it is with just you and me, but Jon would be there too. Hell no, we're not into incest, baby. Both of us get and give pleasure with the girl. There's no jealousy between me and Jon. This is why communication is vital. We'll talk more about it when the time comes. Right now, let's focus on helping my brother and making sure the two of you are comfortable with each other again." He smiles lovingly at me. We stay in each other's arms for the time being.