Feasting The Knights

Wouldn't Be Me Without Jon

Jordan's POV

As soon as I slammed the door behind me from Jon's room, I headed straight to the relatives room. My eyes were laser focused on Keli when I saw her. "Mom, Dad... I'm getting out of here and I'm taking this one with me. Are you ready, sweetheart?" I reach out to place my hands on Keli's wheelchair handles. "Son, what's wrong?"

My mother asks me as she walks up to me. "I just to get outta here, mom before I do or say something I'll regret." She glances to where my Dad is now standing. "Allan, you deal with this one and I'll deal with the other one." She points with her head towards me. "I'll see you when I next see you honey, try not to fret and make sure this one here takes good care of you, okay?" She reassures Keli-Anne who looks like a deer caught in headlights. "He will, Mrs Putnam. Thank you." They hug and then we watch my mother leave the room. "Jordan, want to tell me what is going on?" I shake my head. "Dad, I don't mean to be rude but I just wanna get out of here, okay." He nods. "He'll be okay, Mr Knight. I think we should leave for a while but I'll look after him." I watch as he crouched down to give her a hug. "All right, my love, I'll see you both later on. We'll talk then." I then hug him and I check with Keli to see if she's ready to go.
"Let me get your chair out." I climb out and put it together. "What do you want to do babe?" I ask her. "I'm pretty achy so maybe somewhere where I can stretch out." Once we're inside the house and I close the front door, I carefully lift her out of the chair and carry her up the stairs to my bedroom. She giggles in my arms. "You're not even out of breath, you're so strong and fit." I smirk at her. "That got you smiling even if it was a smug smile." She teases, softly. As I sit her down on the bed, I lean in to kiss her. "I'm sorry." She wraps her arms around the back of my neck and buried her head in the crook of my neck. "I just want you to be okay and maybe tell me what happened." I sigh. I remove her footwear and lift her legs up so she can get more comfortable. "Do you want a drink or something?" I check with her but she shakes her head as if to say no. Instead she pats the bed next to her.

I take off my own shoes and climb onto the bed. I straddle her and keeping my weight off her by leaning back on my heels. "How about I kiss you and then tell you? I need you." I gaze down at her beautiful face whose eyes don't leave me for one second. She lifts her hand to brush my hair back out of my eyes. "I don't want to take advantage of you, Jordan, not when you're upset and hurting." I close my eyes briefly as I saviour the feeling of her delicate fingers cradling my face. "Keli-Anne, baby, I want you, no I need you, so you're not taking advantage of me. It makes me love you even more than I already do." Her eyes widen. "You love me?" Oh I guess we haven't exchanged our 'love yous' yet but I think it's time. "Yes, I love you Keli-Anne. I don't expect you to say it if you're not ready or don't feel that way." I tell her. "I love you too, Jordan. More than you will ever know." She responds, leaning in to kiss me.
After spending the next few hours making love to one another and I tell her what happened at the hospital with Jon, Keli has fallen asleep. I go to the bathroom. When I come back to my bed, I notice the envelopes that I'd placed there earlier. I put the one for Keli back down and open mine. It's a handwritten letter.
My heart breaks as I read it. The way he's written it, tells me that it's a suicide note. He's always struggled with expressing himself thoroughly hence why he expresses in the way of the BDSM and sex in general. I never knew he felt the way he does about me or the special bond that we share. No one really understands it, but that's never been an issue because as long as we had each other then that's all that mattered. I wouldn't be me if there was no Jon. I may have other siblings but they didn't get me in the same way that Jon did/does.

Why does he think he's incapable of loving Keli? I'd say he's probably more so than me. A lot of what I know is due to him. My life wouldn't be the same if he wasn't in it. Why does it feel like when someone tries to take their life that it feels selfish when it's the farthest from the truth. The urge to throw up is strong and I run to the bathroom. My stomach wretches and tears spring my eyes. "Jordan?" I hear Keli call out my name from the bed I left her in. I grab some toilet paper to wipe my face and make my way back to where my beautiful girl is waiting for me. Concern and worry is etched all over her sweet face, I bury myself within her opened arms. I didn't even realise that I was full on crying until I heard her soft voice soothing me, "shush, baby, I'm here. Let it all out." I stay here until I feel less upset.

I lift my head up to be faced with hers, her little thumb gently wipes the last of my tears away and her lips softly lovingly press against my own.
When I have fully sat up, my attention keeps focusing on the suicide note and Keli asks me what is it. I debate whether to give her hers now knowing what it is. It isn't my decision so I reach over to pick up her envelope. My hand shakes as I hold it. "It's from my brother, he wrote it before he did what he did. I only know because he wrote one for me too. Do you want to read it? You can think about it." She looks down at my hand. I can see the conflict in her eyes. Her breathing increases by the way she is panting a little. I watch as her hand slowly reaches out to the envelope, shaking as she does so. Her eyes pan down to it and she closes her eyes. Then she opens it. "Baby, do you want to be alone while you read it or do you want me to stay?" She looks up. "Please stay. Will you hold me while I read it?" I nod, silently and scoot closer to her. I wrap my arm around her tiny waist. She nestles in the crook of my shoulder and chest.

A tear falls down my face as I read the note from over her shoulder. Like mine, it is full of sadness, kindness and more love than I can even describe. I don't even know what to say so I remain quiet and hold onto Keli tighter but not enough to hurt her.