Artistic Love

Chapter 5-Jezelle

When I got back from the pool, I wanted to cry, pass out and throw up. I opened the door to my house after Trevor dropped me off and immediately went upstairs to my room. I opened my door and collapsed on my bed in a pile of depression. "Stupid, stupid, stupid..." I muttered to myself over and over, thinking that maybe if I  told myself this that I would magically stop myself from what I was thinking.

"Who's stupid?" Jennifer asked from the doorway, scaring the living life out of me.

I looked up with her with startled eyes, holding back all the tears I wanted to let pass the gate, "I think Felie likes Trevor." I told Jennifer. I could feel a tear starting to roll down my cheek out of Jennifer's view. 

Jennifer clearly looked confused why I was showing these feelings, "Good for her? Eleventh graders are hard to come by in tenth grade so she's one of the lucky ones."

"No no no," I mumbled, "I'm so happy for her. It just sucks for me."

Jennifer raised an eyebrow, but when it hit her you could see her shoulders melt down. "Oh," she mumbled, "I'm sorry." She walked over to me and sat on the side of my bed, "I don't feel the same way about women as you do, but for me knowing a guy likes someone else is like a grenade to the heart. It hurts, but you'll feel better."

I sat up on my bed and looked out the window ahead of me, "It's not that I want to be in like with her, it just happened. In this room. She was out on the balcony with the sunset in the background. My lesbian self saw it and went 'Oh my gosh someone you can like!'" I leaned back on my bed and stared at the ceiling as more tears rolled down my head, "I would never want to be in love with Felie if I knew what could happen if she didn't like me back. I want us to be friends, but if she finds out I like her and she doesn't like me back, shes going to hate me. I'll lose another one of my friends and I don't want that to happen." On those last few words, I started to tear up a little bit. Jennifer sat next to me on my bed and rubbed my back.

"So what if she doesn't like you? Has she been your friend because she wants to date you or is it because she loves you for you? It's best if she knows so you can feel better. She likes this...what were you saying his name was?" Jennifer asked.

"Trevor-"

"Trevor," she kept going, "If she likes Trevor, just be supportive about her decisions. Give them some space if they need it. Just remember I will always be there for you if you need me." She rubbed my shoulder and walked out of the room. 

Jennifer peeped into my room and let out a deep sigh, "I know that I was homophobic when you came out a few years ago. I've worked on it, and I am so glad that you feel so proud that you are really accepting yourself. Mom would be so proud as well." She put her head down and closed the door behind her. 

I sighed as the tears continued to stream down my face. I walked to my table with a pitcher of water and went to my balcony to water my plants.

I hummed a little tune as I stared out over the terrace. When I got to my non-flower plant that sat on top of the balcony itself and not hanging, I stared at it with a smile. It reminded me of Felie in some sort of way, which made me even more sad. "Is that Jezelle Kent I see?" I heard a familiar voice say from afar. My head immediately turned and I saw Tyson, my old friend, standing across the street from me with the most goofy grin I ever saw on someone. My jaw hung open as I saw him.

The sudden energy burst from me was unusual. Jennifer saw me blast past her room and she honestly looked concerned. I tripped on the stairs, but the adrenaline fueled me to run more. I practically ripped the door open and ran towards Tyson with open arms. He roped me in a hug and I just put my head into his shoulders, "How?!" was all I could manage to say.