Artistic Love

Chapter 20-Felie

Sitting in the same chair waiting for my therapist again wasn't a great feeling. I knew one day when my mother came back from jail I'd have to visit Madisyn again. Yet here I was, sitting in the same pitiful waiting room awkwardly staring at others. I liked to wonder what exactly these kids were here to talk about. Did their mother go to jail? Were they constantly abused as a kid? Unlike them, I had to hide it my entire life.

"Felie?"

I looked over to the door and Madisyn stood there, hips stacked up against her slim body. She seemed a bit antsy, maybe the client before me had said something that was a bit nerve-wracking. "Madisyn." I walked over to her and she started immediately walking down the hall to where her office was.

"I didn't expect you to be back for longer," she commented when we reached her room, "Last time we met things in your life seemed to be going really smoothly. What exactly has been the problem?"

I plopped myself down on the couch and out of instinct grabbed the fidget toys as I had when I was a child. "Mother's getting out of jail in a few weeks," I told Madisyn, "I had a really bad night terror about it. She strangled me and I died. She was living in our house and she killed me, just as she had that Henry guy she ran off with."

She was taking notes, which made me honestly feel a bit more nervous. Was she going to tell my father what I was saying? "Have you had any other drastic changes in your life? Going into tenth grade ins't an easy suit."

I gave a pathetic laugh, "I've started liking girls if that's drastic enough for you. I'm dating this girl named Jezelle who currently is at home after her appointment at the hospital."

"She was in the hospital?'

I let out a sigh of relief, "These past few days have been rough. Saturday I had the dance and Jezelle passed out. We got her to the hospital and she woke up about 8PM on Sunday. Monday I didn't go to school and stayed with her; that's also when I went to visit my mother. I had that terrible nightmare about Mother that night too. Might've had to deal with the fact that I had just seen her and she was fresh in my memory bank."

Madisyn tapped her pencil on her clipboard then flipped her head around to look at something in her room. Her blond hair followed her head and laid gently over her shoulder. "Do you feel up to getting the sand out?" She asked.

"That was my favorite thing to do when I was a kid," I laughed, "You understand me too well."

She shrugged, "That's just my job as a therapist. I'll get it set up, I'll be back in a minute." She left the room, leaving me in the piercing silence. When you're in a therapy session, it felt way more comfortable talking to someone than randomly sitting in their office by yourself. I watched her drag the table with sand into her room and in front of me. "Phew," she sighed out, "I have the faintest idea why that always wears me out."

I stared at the sand that sat in front of my legs. I remembered when I went here as a kid, bruised and in pain from everything my mother did to me. I didn't understand it at all when I was young, but she hated me. "This sand brings back a lot of dark memories," I gave a weak laugh, "Back when I didn't understand what was happening."

Madisyn grabbed a pencil and handed it to me. I willingly took the pencil. "I want you to draw me what you think of when you see your mother on this sheet of paper," she handed it to me, "Then I'll tell you what we're doing with the sand after." 

I immediately got to work, remembering this scene of my dream vividly. Her hands wrapping around my neck, gripping tight enough to still fell the carbon dioxide wanting to escape and the oxygen trying to get in. The feeling of death when I dropped dead to the floor. I had to put my pencil down before I started having another attack. "I'm done."

She took the paper and looked over it. Her eyes almost looked glazed over, as if she had been hit by a bus. "This dream of yours," she told me, "It seems much worse than a normal dream. I'm not into any crazy horoscopes or anything, but this seems almost too real to be not true. Is something inside you telling you this might happen if you see her again?"

My hands were shaking, thinking back to the scenes of my childhood. "I do."

"If you were to see this woman and she attacked you this way," she told me, "Would you at all be surprised?"

I shook my head, "This dream was exactly how she killed Henry. I was abused by her for a while, any harm she could do to me wouldn't shock me at all."

Madisyn grabbed a bit of the sand into her hand and blew it off into the distance of her room. I had never seen her do that before. She started humming a tune. Had she grown a bit insane while I was gone? It had only been a few years. "It'll happen soon enough," she told me, "My guardian angel told me so."

"What's a guardian angel?"

She sighed as if I should've already known this, "It's someone who looks after you and gives you signs fi you need them. I like to talk to mine when I need a strike of intuition for my clients. Her name is Valaria if you were wondering."

"She says I'll get strangled? I'm going to die?"

She shook her head, "She said that she couldn't tell me the end. Maybe you should try to connect to your guardian angel sometime. Now, let's talk about something other than your dream, perhaps your girlfriend? Are you two out yet?"

I didn't exactly know how to describe it, "We're out to our families and a few friends. Nothing too crazy, not a lot of kids at school know that I'm bi. It's a bit scary, but I love her so much."

"Have you told her that yet?"

I sighed, "I haven't. Well, I technically did. She was practically on her deathbed and I just told her everything just in case I'd never get to say it to her ever again. I had just barely finished when she woke up and she had never even heard me talk about it. I had said 'I love you' but it wasn't official if you get what I'm saying."

"I completely understand."

We continued talking for an hour, finding ways to cope about the stress building up again. It was hard to talk about everything to someone again, but in a way I knew it was the best solution to what I was feeling. I needed to push through, if not for myself for my friends and family. 

Sorry this one was so short! I never planned about writing her therapy session, but I decided to include it for you guys so you can understand what will be coming up ahead. Tell me if you want more of Madisyn, I have a few ideas for her! It's going to be an intense few chapters so sit tight! -Jayo_3