Lost for Words

Spice of Life

The stage manager raised his fist to give me the signal that the commercial break was coming to an end. I arranged myself behind the counter, making sure that everything I needed was in place. Ingredients. Utensils. Gas hob. As a professional, I had to be ready to go. Dead air was a 'no-no'.

The voice of Audrey came through my earpiece. "We got a caller on the line." I glanced up towards the gallery and nodded to show that I had heard her. "Her name's Gillian. She needs some help with her cooking." Again I nodded.

The stage manager extended his fingers. One last check, then ... four, three, two, one, and: "Good morning, and welcome back to 'Cooking with Connor'. If you've just tuned in, I'm Connor. Today I've been showing all you homemakers how to make the perfect mushroom ketchup. It's tasty and goes with everything savoury. But right now, I've got a caller on the line - Gillian from ... ." I paused and looked up at the gallery.

"Saint Juste," Audrey whispered in my ear.

"Saint Juste." I looked into the camera and smiled. "Alright, Gillian. You're through to 'Cooking with Connor'."

There was the crackle of static over the studio monitor speakers, followed by a tearful voice. "Hello Connor."

I looked at the stage manager, who shrugged. "So, what do you want to talk about, Gillian?" I flashed a reassuring smile at the camera.

"Well, Connor. It's my cooking. I have a problem with it."

I lowered my smile and assumed an expression of concern. "Well Gillian, I'm here to help. Tell me what's up."

"It's my husband, Connor. He doesn't like my cooking. I mean, I've tried everything to satisfy him at the dining table. I've tried cooking his favourites. I've tried cooking new things. Nothing seems to work. My husband just doesn't respond to anything."

I nodded. "I understand. So, what have you been trying?"

"Everything I can think of. I've really been trying to spice things up."

"And what about in the bedroom?"

There was a moment of silence from the studio monitors, then, "What do you mean Connor?"

"In the bedroom. The old love life. What have you been doing?"

"I don't know." Gillian sounded nervous; embarrassed.

"Let me guess, Gillian. Your husband hasn't been responding there either? And you've been following all these bloggers and influencers, trying all these new things to get your husband interested?"

There was a sob. "Yes, Connor."

"And none of it has worked?"

"No, Connor."

I nodded at the camera. "There's your problem, Gillian. Like so many others, you have ignored the basics. You've been trying too hard to impress, when you should have been concentrating on the fundamentals. You see, if you don't get those right, then nothing else will work."

There was a sniffing sound. "So, so what do I do, Connor?"

I smiled and picked up the salt cellar. "It's all just a matter of adding the right seasoning."