Someone I loved

Chapter Twenty- Six

The morning was chilly, and as I reluctantly stirred in my bed, I contemplated staying under the warm covers for a bit longer. My mother, however, had other plans. With a gentle but determined smile, she came into my room and pulled me into the bathroom, insisting that it was time to start the day.After a refreshing shower, I dressed in a soft pink tee and white jeans, trying to shake off the drowsiness from earlier. I couldn't help but feel a flutter of nerves, though, for I knew I'd be seeing someone special in class that day.As I made my way to the classroom, my mind was filled with a mix of excitement and apprehension. Thoughts of him danced through my head, and I couldn't deny the attraction that had been growing between us.During the lecture, I found it nearly impossible to concentrate. My mind kept wandering, and I couldn't help but steal glances at him. He sat a few seats away, completely unaware of the turmoil he was causing within me.Finally, it was break time. As I sat alone, he walked over and took a seat next to me, his presence instantly captivating. The scent of his cologne was intoxicating, and I had to summon all my willpower to maintain composure.His eyes met mine, and I felt a powerful connection, as though we shared a secret language. My heart raced, and I struggled to find my voice. His words were comforting and warm, making me feel as if I were the only person in the world. The conversation flowed effortlessly, and for a moment, the rest of the world faded away.I couldn't help but notice the softness of his lips and the way they moved as he spoke. With each passing second, my feelings for him deepened. It was as if we were drawn together by an invisible force, one that was both exhilarating and a little frightening.In that stolen moment, surrounded by the bustle of the break time, I felt a connection that went beyond words. It was the start of something beautiful, a spark of romance that would shape our future in ways we couldn't yet imagine.In the hush of a fading evening, i retreated to the sanctuary of my own thoughts. There, beneath the amber glow of my home's dimmed lights, I grappled with a storm of emotions that had consumed me for the past few days. The world seemed to blur around me and the lines between who I was and who I wanted to be were no longer clear.For two days, I had been lost in the labyrinth of my own mind, unable to quell the ceaseless torrent of thoughts. It was as if an invisible thread had tethered me to a force myself but could not resist, and it was pulling me deeper into a realm as it was beginning to fear. The specter of addiction loomed before me, and I knew it was a path that i could ill afford to tread.Determined to regain control, as i resolved to distance myself from him, the source of this tumultuous infatuation. I refrained from meeting him in person, a wrenching decision that left my feeling uncharacteristically detached. Even as he extended invitations to spend time together, to wander through the world side by side, I demurred, crafting excuses to keep my distance.The gentle cadence of their voices on the telephone became a lifeline, a bridge that connected me to the one person who had so easily become an addiction. In the quiet hours of the night, they spoke of dreams, of aspirations, and shared stories that felt like secrets shared between kindred souls. Yet, I was acutely aware that this distance, these moments of solitude, were necessary to break the chains of obsession.And so, i continued to weave a tapestry of excuses, wrapping them around me like armor, protecting myself from the allure of his company. I knew that my heart needed respite, that I had to reacquaint myself with the person I was before the tempestuous arrival of this enigmatic figure. It was a battle that i couldn't afford to lose, a chapter of my life that i needed to rewrite before it became an irreversible tale of addiction.In the quiet moments of solitude, I reflected on the distance that had grown between them. I never fathomed myself could become so reliant on another person, yet there myself was, ensnared in a web of dependence that seemed to tighten with each passing day. With him, i found solace and understanding, a safe harbor where i could divulge my innermost thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. He listened, a patient observer, offering gentle corrections when needed. He was my everything.But beneath the shimmering facade of their connection, I began to question whether this portrait of perfection could be marred by a single misstep, like an errant drop of a different hue sullying an exquisite painting. One night, as the world outside remained shrouded in darkness, as i lay in bed, tormented by doubts that had crept into my mind. I pondered, in the hush of the night, whether he truly loved me. These questions visited my not just in the night but during the day, too, a relentless carousel of uncertainty that spun ceaselessly.In my heart, i yearned for him to acknowledge myself as the right choice, to see myself as someone who could stand by his side. I embarked on a relentless journey of self-improvement, a marathon of dedication that had commenced back in the days of my undergraduate studies. With every fiber of me being, i toiled to prove that I was the one who could keep pace with him. I delved into my studies with unparalleled vigor, determined to demonstrate that his girlfriend was not only loving but also exceptionally astute.I accumulated a wealth of knowledge, mastering various skills, determined that he should never perceive me as incapable or lacking in any respect. The burning desire to stand out, to be special in his eyes, fueled my relentless pursuit of excellence. Yet, even as my efforts for him progressed, life presented yet another obstacle that I had to surmount.In the dimly lit recesses of my childhood memories, I observed a complex tapestry of emotions interwoven with my parents' relationship. Love was there, somewhere, but the echoes of their disagreements resonated more loudly in my young heart. i couldn't recall my father ever inquiring if my mother had eaten or checking on her well-being during tough times. As the years passed, the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place, revealing a marriage bound by duty rather than desire.As I matured, the truth became increasingly evident: my parents' connection had faded into a mere contract, one my mother fervently wished to uphold, even at the cost of my own happiness. It was a revelation that left me bewildered. Why, i pondered, had my father never shown concern for my mother's basic needs or offered a comforting presence during her struggles? Had he forgotten the very words he had once shared with me?I could still hear his voice echoing in my mind, a voice that had once instructed me to treat her mother as if she were the most fragile thing in the world. He had emphasized the importance of caring for her, regardless of the circumstances or their own roles in life. Yet, these noble sentiments had seemingly withered, mere echoes of a love he had once proclaimed. The dissonance between his words and his actions perplexed me every time their heated arguments reverberated through our home.Things took an even darker turn when I began to juxtapose my own relationship against the backdrop of my parents' tumultuous union. Dwyn, the one who had asked me if i had eaten, was not the same as my father. He, too, fell short, for he never extended the caring hand i longed for during my moments of vulnerability. my traumas, which i had so openly shared, seemed to dissipate into the abyss of his indifference, with no remembrance, no solace. The stark similarities between my parents' troubled marriage and my own love life loomed ominously in my thoughts, casting shadows on the very concept of love and care.