I can't

Eleven

Skylar and I had to head home, as my mother was blowing up my phone with messages demanding I come home immediately.

We said our goodbyes to the boys (besides Luke, he was who the hell knows where) but, before we could leave properly Calum stopped us. "The boys and I were thinking, maybe you guys could give us your numbers? Maybe, I don't know, it was just a thought, you don't really have to." He was insanely blushing and kept rambling on.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Calum, shut up of course we're going to give you our numbers." Skylar slapped my shoulder. "I thought you were DONE with the hitting!" I yelled. "Don't tell him to shut up, be nice." "You're just kissin' his ass cause you like him" I mumble. Apparently I mumbled it really loudly so Calum caught that last part.....oops.

I look over and Skylar's body went tense. She blushed but, played it off and laughed like it meant nothing. But I think Calum caught on to that too.

Well safe to say she's gonna kill me for that later.

We exchange numbers with the rest of the boys and then head on our way.

....

We reach the drive way of my house. I kind of regret walking now. I think to myself. I try walking farther up my driveway but, turn around and start talking to Skylar about nonsense instead. Sadly she knew that I was stalling. The whole walk to my house I was freaking out; nervous about what my mother was going to say.

"Kathleen. You have to face her at some point.  Sooner rather than later sweetie." Skylar never understood why I was so scared of my mother when she was mad. Sure I was and still am mad at her too but, when she gets mad I hate it. It's even more of an excuse for her to use the whole 'what if something happens again' thing. I also hate when my mother says she's disappointed in me. It sounds as if I've failed her. And I hate that. Sure me and my mother aren't on as good of terms as we used to be but, she's still my mom. I still love her and want to make her proud. I haven't been doing that too well lately though.

My breath picks up and my hands start shaking. Skylar takes notice of this and takes my hands.

"Hey, calm down. It's going to be okay. Just go in and talk to her, explain everything. Most importantly stay calm and don't get so shaken up. If it gets too bad call me and I'll come get you."

I just nod, not sure what to say. The way she's so calm with her words almost makes me calm. But like I said almost.

As I'm walking towards the front door I hear Skylar yell "She's just your mom. You can do this." Those are the exact words I needed to hear but, from the wrong person. I do relax a little though.

I repeat Skylar's words in my head as I unlock the door and open it.

....

The screaming match just ended with my mom stomping off, leaving me with tears running down my face by the front door. I had only made it five steps past the door before my mom was on my case.

I was about to go to my room and call Skylar when someone knocked on the front door. I assumed it was Skylar checking up on me like she usually does even though she says to call her.

I open the front door and am faced with the last person I wanted to see right now.

"You have to be kidding me!" I screamed. I started crying even harder. Usually I would hate that someone is seeing me cry but, I've had one hell of day that I don't care anymore.

Luke looks so confused and flustered. He opens his mouth to say something but, quickly shuts it.

"What? Are you hear to fuck me up worse? You hear to torment me and call me names? Well go for it! I've heard it all, why not hear it from the one person that I looked up to so much and then just let me down. Can't be that bad, right?!" By this point I'm sobbing and I probably look crazy.

He just continues to stare at me absolutely baffled.

Since he doesn't look like he's going to say anything anytime soon, I start shutting the door. As I'm about to shut it completely his hand comes up to stop it.

"Wait. Kathleen. What's wrong?" Now it's my turn to stare at him. Did he seriously just ask that? After everything he's done to me today he thinks I'd just tell him what's wrong. Well he's sadly mistaken.

"What happened to ignoring me Luke? I think you should go back to that."
"Not till you tell me what's wrong." He says simply as if we were best friends that told each other everything. But we were anything but that.

"Fine. You want to know I what's wrong?" He simply nods for me to continue so I do. "You. You're what's wrong with me. You were my idol and then you completely insult me when you don't even know me. You call me names just like everyone else when I thought maybe I actually had a shot with my favorite band of all times. You were the complete opposite of who I thought you were. You my friend" I laugh a little. "Are an asshole that is just like everyone else. You wanted to know what's wrong well there you go."

He stayed silent even when I had finished. I would think he'd be yelling at me or stomping off like every other time. I still had tears pouring out of my eyes. But what happened next surprised me so much I started crying even harder........Luke grabbed my hand and then pulled me to his chest to hug me...

And after everything he's done to me, I still felt my heart flutter and my stomach fill with butterflies.