The 99 ways I loved you

Chapter 11

Its been a week and the boys are starting to leave me alone.

Eleanor and Perrie come to make me supper every night.

But I don't eat it.

I got to 95 things in my book I was so close but so far.

In 3 days The boys, Eleanor and Perrie were coming for Christmas morning.

I wasn't in the Christmas spirt.

I hit my low I cried every night,

Everyday I sat in bed.. Like a zombie.

Every morning when I woke up I stared at my bottle of sleeping pills but did nothing. They just haunted me.

I stood up from my bed at walked into the bathroom.

I decided taking a hot shower might make me feel a little better.

I turned the cold, stiff fossett and watched the steam fill the room.

I slipped off my clothes and jumped into the shower.

But I had no desire to wash my hair.

I reached for the soap but pulled out the razor instead.

**Warning**

I stretched my arm out and eagerly dug the razor into my skin.

I felt it burn as the blood poured onto my foot while the water hit my now bleeding arm,

I made more deep cuts, I looked down at my arm while the streaming water poured onto my arm.

I began to cry.

Firing pain hit as I watched the water pour the blood down the drain.

I turned off the fosett and walked out pulling my towel around me.

The blood wouldn't stop but I didn't care.

I covered my arm with a towel then

I slipped on my pj's a went back into my bed.

I removed the towel and threw it beside my bed,

I laid there frozen staring at my gushing arm.

I didn't cry no longer.

The pain felt good.