ＨＥＡＲＴＬＥＳＳ ✔

CHAPTER 2

"Hey Vick, you still alive?" Came the voice of my beloved Charlie through the phone.

I smiled into the phone, rolling over on the bed. "Nope. Mom killed me."

"Oh my God, seriously? How'd she do it?"

"Knife to the stomach." I grinned even wider.

I can hear him moving around. "Oh, a classic! Knife to the stomach. Very Scream like, right?"

"Yeah, very Scream like." I look outside my window. The sun has settled now and the stars are coming to life. The Moon is so generous, giving her spark to her children. Letting them steal some of her shine, while also managing to be the most beautiful thing a person could ever see.

"Hey, Vicki? You there?" I heard Charlie say. "Victoria? Helloooo.."

"Yes yes, I'm here. Sorry." I say, standing up to go look at myself in the mirror.

"Thought I lost you there for a sec, love."

I nod, even though he can't see me. My hand goes up to my jawline as I quietly whisper, "Hey, Charl? Have you ever thought about suicide?" 

The line goes silent before I hear Charlie carefully whisper, "Vick, where are you right now?" 

"No! I'm not saying- I'm not suicidal. I'm just asking." My hand left my face and met my hip. "I was just thinking about it and thought I might ask you. Just, forget I said anything." I turned around and went back to my bed.

"Well, I mean, no? I don't think about it."

"Oh, okay." I leave the phone next to me on speaker, and stare at my ceiling. My hands on my stomach. "Goodnight, Charles."

He's quiet for a bit, before saying, "Goodnight, Vick. I love you." Then he ends the call.

"Alexa, could you turn on Halley's Comet by Billie Eilish?"

"Halley's Comet by Billie Eilish playing now."

I close my eyes and try to imagine stars. Me floating around with these magical creatures, them making my skin glow. They were luminous. It was like Paradise, but only made for me, because God knows I don't deserve his own Paradise.

The stars had their purpose, they were lighting the pathway for the fallen Angels. The ones who couldn't live for longer. I don't have a purpose like them. I don't have a reason to glow, for anyone or anything. Not even for myself. 

I can't glow for myself.

But there's no way in Hell am I going to kill myself or some shit, because that would mean I've lost. I don't lose. And, anyways. If I were to die, I wouldn't go up to the stars. I'd fall down to the ground, and burn because of all the people I've done wrong. It will be bright, but not as pretty.

I don't want that.

The song ends.

"Alexa, play My Future by Billie Eilish."

She's my everything. Billie gets me in ways I want certain people to. I share all my secrets with her. My guilts, feelings, vents. I can't back down now.

"Victoria, Angel? Don't stay up late, honey. You have school tomorrow." Came the voice of my mother from downstairs.

I was already drifting off to sleep. "Alexa, turn off the music." I whispered. She didn't hear me. And off I went.

~~
Walking. Walking down the pathway, white flowers left and right. I'm in a gown. Silk. Red. Long. It touches the ground behind me. There's snow everywhere. White snow. White flowers. Is this the real Paradise? I don't want it. It looks lonely.
There's a forest next to me. A deer comes out. She's beautiful. She has freckles on her back, and sparkling horns on her head. Her eyes are clearer than the snow. This can't be Hell, can it? If it is, it's not so bad. It's actually really pretty. It wouldn't be the worst if I fell down here. The snow could catch me, right? 
I hear music. It's faint, but it sounds like Je Te Laisserai Des Mots. I could know that piano verse from miles away, because I listen to it. I practise it. I play it. 
I know it.
I walk towards the sound, then realise I'm in heels. It's kind of hard to walk in them, but I do anyway.
The passage is breathtakingly beautiful. It's too pretty it hurts because, how can one explain something like this? You can't, that's the thing.
The deer is following me, by my side. She comes closer and puts her head under my hand. I drag my hand back to my chest, but then slowly inch it towards her. The moment I make contact with her skin, it's like touching liquid. She's so smooth. She's so soft, and perfect. How can something as simple as a deer be this perfect?
Suddenly, the weather changes. Everything's spinning so fast, I can't keep up. 
The Moon comes up, then the Sun, then the Moon, then the Sun. It's like everything is sped up and time is faster now. Like I'm in a time-lapse.
I start running. I don't know where, but I just run. I won't find any better place, but I might find something that makes sense.
I'm terrified, but I keep on running. Faster this time, my heels in the snow. I don't know how I manage that, but I do.
The deer is gone. Tears are streaming down my face. The music gets louder and louder as I run faster and faster.
Then, right before I reach the edge of a cliff, everything turns black.
~~