𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒

CHAPTER 7

'She said you were a hero, you played the part
But you ruined her in a year, don't act like it was hard.'

I just let Charlie go. What am I supposed to do now? I can't talk to mom about it. She'll start asking me questions that I don't have answers to.

'How dare you?
And how could you?
Will you only feel bad when they find out?
If you could take it all back, would you?'

These days it feels like all I'm ever doing is just crying. It's like I don't know how to do anything else. Like I'm too weak to do anything else. My body won't allow me.

I take out my laptop, only to see the screen shattered. I broke it yesterday, when the internet wasn't really helpful in how I imagined it to be.

'You might not wanna lose your power
But having it's so strange.'

Billie isn't really helping me feel better, but she just makes everything seem more peaceful. Funny to say that when I'm dying.

I might not be dying, though. I've seen people who were diagnosed with leukemia and went on for years without treatment. They all survived.

But their symptoms weren't as bad as mine. No, mine are terrible. If I die, it's going to happen soon. Which is why I should do something about mom. She doesn't come home for another twelve hours. Should I go buy flowers? What am I even going to say? I don't want to tell her I have cancer, she doesn't deserve that.

I check my phone. I have a few missed calls from the hospital, after I gave them my number and ran out after they told me what it is I have.

I feel so weak and I hate it. I hate this feeling so much. I feel useless. It's so... annoying. I should use this time in a useful way, then. 

I pick my phone back up and go into my contacts. I don't have a lot of people. Mom. Charlie. I shudder at the thought of him. My throat catches up. And then the hospital and a few old friends. I click on Lana, a friend of mine from last year. We don't talk much, she moved cities. I type;

Lana Thomas

Today

3:12pm 'Hey Lana, ik I haven't messaged u in a while but I js wanna say that I'm not going to be here anymore. Smth came up and I can't tell you what it is, but don't be surprised if you don't hear from me. Ever. U were a nice friend to me. I hope you're like that with other people.'

That wasn't so hard now, was it? Now I just have to do that to literally everyone else I know. It won't take that long. I don't know many people.

As I continue texting, the song keeps on playing on repeat.

'I thought that I was special, you made me feel
Like it was my fault you were the Devil
Lost your appeal
Does it keep you in control?
For you to keep her in a cage?
And you swear you didn't know
You said you thought she was your age
How dare you?
And how could you?
Will you only feel bad if it turns out
That they kill your contract?
Would you?'

After fifteen minutes, I'm all done. I got a few replies, but I locked my phone and tossed it away. I should leave it, because I don't really need it anymore.

I go into the bathroom and start filling the tub with water. After a moment, I close the water and close my eyes, the phone pressed tight in my hand against my chest.

Then I throw it in and leave the bathroom, locking it behind me.

That actually felt really good. I feel better now. I feel free. Like, I relied on my phone so much and it was a big part of me that it actually felt like it was taking over me. Now that it's gone, I feel at peace.