unholy desires | jeongcheol

chapter thirteen

Seungcheol's POV

I woke up feeling the best I've ever felt in a while. I don't think I've slept that peacefully. I could feel the prickling numbness that spread through my right arm. I glanced at the beautiful blonde hair that made me feel euphoric. He had flawless skin and long lashes. Had the plumpest lips I've seen. I smiled at the memories that had happened the night before, making me blush and gush into giggles. Some butterflies flew around my stomach to the point where I wanted to scream and tell everyone I was the luckiest man on earth.

A vibration shook the bedside table where my phone was putting me out of my trance. I grabbed Jeonghan's head with my free hand and gently lifted him to rest on my pillow. I picked up my phone, and my eyes widened at the number of missed calls I got from my father. Shit. Thirteen missed calls. Wait, fuck, it's 7 am? I immediately called my dad back to see if there was an emergency.

"Seungcheol. Where are you?" Father asked.

"I'm in my room, Father. Is there something wrong?" I questioned him, scrunching my eyebrows in curiosity.

"What's wrong? Seungcheol, you missed the prayer we were supposed to have for Wooyoung. How could you have forgotten something important to you like this?" He argued, voice raising as he spoke. "I'm very disappointed in you."

I looked at the phone, and my eyes got more extensive at the critical date. It was Wooyoung's death anniversary. How could I've forgotten? My eyes teared up at the stupidity I felt. It felt like I was suddenly hit by a bus and got run over 5 times, over and over again. I mumbled incoherent curses as I jumped out of bed, heading towards the closet to change into something more comfortable.

"I'm so sorry, father. I'm on my way now." I grumbled.

I ended the call and left Jeonghan's room in a panic. I opened my room and went straight to my closet. I grabbed a plain hoodie and black jeans. As I was changing, I couldn't help but feel my chest tightening. My ribs were closing in on my lungs and heart like it had stopped beating. I was left breathless, gasping for air. The tears building up in my swell eyes threatened to fall, but I quickly wiped them with the hoodie sleeve. Leaving my closet, I went back to the blonde boy I woke up with. I stared at him longingly, not wanting to leave him. It took every nerve in me to look away and go. I heaved a deep sigh and opened his door. Taking a last glance at him, I closed the door quietly.

I hopped down the stairs and put some black sneakers on the shoe rack. I pushed past the door and slammed it shut. I couldn't comprehend my thoughts and feelings. My mind is going in a whirlwind. I'm so confused. How could I miss such an important date? Especially Wooyoung's anniversary. Were you that distracted? Seungcheol, you're a prick. The thought of this kills me. It haunts me. I ran as fast as I could through the forest to get to the cathedral, stumbling on tree branches and tiny pebbles.

I finally made it to the entrance, putting strength into opening the doors. I went to where the votive stands were and saw my father's back, quietly praying to one of the candles. I slowly marched towards him and placed myself beside him. It was quiet. I couldn't figure out what to say. It was like I went completely mute. The smell of the burning candles was evident; it filled up the small space.

"I can't believe you. I'm very disappointed." Father expressed.

"I understand. I'm sorry." Silence took over the both of us again.

"I'm gonna leave camp for a bit and visit his grave. I want to pay respect. No. I need to pay respect to him. I'm sorry. I'll take my leave now." I stated, voice wavering at all the emotions I'm feeling. I turned around and walked away from him, not giving him a chance to say anything.

I ran as soon as I exited the doors and sped to my red Cadillac and jumped inside. Tears came rushing down my face, sobbing into the steering wheel. I punched it three times, letting out all the anger and frustrations. I cried my heart out in pain. It felt like needles were poking the tiny organ, making it harder to breathe with each breath. I wiped my tears furiously and tried claiming myself. I leaned my head back to the car seat and took a few calming breaths. After two silent minutes, I revved the engine and got out of the parking lot.

It took a good 45 minutes until I saw the memorial park. I entered the open gate and kept driving to Wooyoung's spot. Once I spotted the familiar grave, I parked the car to the side and closed the door shut. I walked ever so slowly towards Wooyoung and kneeled myself and grazed the tombstone with my thumb.

"I guess the red magnolias I yearly get delivered to your tomb arrived earlier than me for the first time. I'm sorry for being late." I said out loud sitting down in front of his tomb.

"I wish you were here with me. I have always planned on becoming a priest and now I met him. You should meet him Wooyoung. I like everything about him. His name is Jeonghan." Making me smile. 

"Fuck, talking about him is making me blush already shit. You would have a fit and make fun of me if you're seeing me right now." I grazed my hand on his name written on the stone tablet.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I promised you I'll become a priest. That is the only way I could forgive myself for what happened to you. I don't wanna fail you. I asked for a sign on what I really should do with my life. I don't know where the signs want me to lead." 

"I just can't forgive myself with how I convinced you to go to that fucking party. If I just didn't. Fuck. I'm so sorry, Wooyoung." I don't even care that my tears are clouding my vision.

"Wooyoung, I'm gonna follow what I want to do. Do I even have the right to ask for permission? Give me signs." I pleaded, allowing all of my emotions to flow out of me like a waterstream. I sat there at his grave for 20 minutes more and decided to go back to the cabin. I'm sure I have a lot of explaining to do with Han, especially since I left so abruptly.

"I'll visit you again Wooyoung. Maybe next time, I'll let you meet him if fate is on my side." I spoke out and left the grave after doing a short prayer.

My drive to the cabin was filled with me battling my inner thoughts as to what I had to do. I entered the gate at camp and on my peripheral vision I saw Jeonghan at the waterfalls. I parked my car as I was going towards Jeonghan. I saw that he was not alone. There was a sudden possessive side of me that I just could not shake as I saw that there was a picnic basket laid on the ground and they both looked too close for my liking.

"Tell me this is just catching up with an old friend, not a damn date." My voice laced with irritation. I just went to my best friend's death anniversary and I am witnessing this now.

"Why do you care if we're on a date?" Mingyu interjected, attempting to intervene.

"Gyu, it's okay. Wait in the car. I've got this." Jeonghan told his best friend. Mingyu shot me a heated look, then gathered their things and left. Jeonghan shook off my grip, as if unable to stand my touch.

"I don't want to talk to you right now. Leave me alone." Jeonghan demanded.

"What's gotten into you?" I responded.

"Isn't this what you wanted, Seungcheol? For me to stay away from you. Well, here it is. Goodbye." Jeonghan declared, running from him and reaching Mingyu's car. I saw him run towards the car and enter on the passenger's side.

This is nowhere near done, Jeonghan.

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