Fallon

Chapter 18: The Past and The Present

She's gone.... The moment i could get to my wife i jolted. The doctors called her time of death, as i clung to Eileen. I'm officially a widower. Her frail limp body laid across my chest. How am i going to tell them.. the next moments were a blur as they covered her body after pulling me away.  My breath was damn near nonexistent. My entire being fell numb, leaving my bones filled with old tv static.
"I'm so sorry for your loss Tom." Doctor Bennett's sincere voice soothed me in my time of distress. Placing his firm hand on my upper back, he patted it three times before leaving. I was left alone with Eileen's body. My beautiful bride.. How am i going to live?

I grasped the sheet covering her in my loving sobs, as i contemplated calling the girls. They had already been through so much. I didn't even want to think about what Fallon would do once she found out, let alone Kassy. I sat up while drying my tears on my white cotton shirt. I could feel my face puff up from the aching pain i had let pour out. Lava pounded at my throat while i held back my persistent tears.
"Hey Tom. I'm Nurse Elle. Is there someone we can call for you?" My thoughts ran wild as the nurse talked. For a split second i almost said Eileen. She was who i called in every situation. Who do i call now?

I couldn't tune out the loud sounds of past conversations Eileen and I held. The thought of her voice no longer existing pained me in a way that I could no longer explain. I reminisced about our childhood and, how we met. The bluntness of her personality drew me in.
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Her brilliant smile struck my heart as the sun beams bounced of her. What a woman... She carried herself with confidence, grace, and beauty. It was if she glided across the concrete while she strutted towards me. The cold fall breeze wafted smells of cinnamon and clove into the air.
"Can i help you?" The stiffness in her voice shook me out of my fake reality. Her eyes were almost bulging out of her head as she tilted her almost frost bitten face.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to stare. I'm Tom." I removed my glove, extending my hand to shake hers. Her hardened expressions grew soft as she cracked a smile. It was as if angels had laid claim on her gums.
"Thank God you're normal. Weird but normal. I thought you were mentally impaired. I'm Eileen." She gripped my hand, shaking it rapidly. My arm vibrated as it clung to the socket; praying it would hold on.
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The ache that i carried reminded me of my mom's funeral. No amount of remembrance allowed me to know what my father's pain felt like but, i imagined it was close to the bleeding agony i endured now. I thought about what my dad had said after my mother passed.

Grief comes in all shapes and sizes. It's OK if it's too big for you to handle by yourself.

I could hear the nurses voice echo throughout my brain.
" Mr. Denton? Can I call somebody for you?" Her sweet voice reminded me of my wife. My beautiful wife... I watched her gaze concerningly at my weak figure. Clearing my throat, I managed to get a few words spoken.
"Yes. Her sister Tara." I frantically searched for paper and a pen to Jot her number down. My eyes caught a small napkin and a pencil on the floor. Scribbling her information down, I handed it to the nurse. We hadn't talked to her sibling in forever but, i knew Tara would want to say goodbye.

"Please tell her to hurry." Nurse Elle shuffled out of the room, leaving me alone with my wife once more. Minutes felt like hours as i waited for them to supply paperwork. My body shook nervously while i kept eye contact with the small clock on the wall. Every moment that passed dug into me like a dull serrated knife. My insides twisted and turned from anticipation. Please God just let them hurry. I can't be near her anymore. I shuffled my body to the hallway, inevitably slamming my back against the cold hard sterile barrier. My clothes felt suffocating against my irritated skin. I shifted and stretched the cotton material away from my being as i slid down the wall.

My nonexistent tears tried forcing their way out of my inflamed ducts. The sound of nurses laughing in the corridor reverberated, as if they were doing it at me. Heels clicked through the hall in a hurried manner. Stopping right in front of me was none other than Tara Thompson. Her shined ring glistened in the fluorescent lighting.
"Is she still in there?" Her voice cracked through the silence that laid in my numbness. I could barely move or speak, so i nodded. Her Christian Louboutin's clicked hastily behind her. Laying my head within my arms, i crouched on the floor. Her Torment overpowered the room, as her loud sobbing echoed.

I didn't want to hear the the painful screams of my sister in law as she cried. Though they bounced inside my skull, I tried my best to tune them out. Doctor Bennett's anti-slip tennis shoes squeaked on the freshly mopped floor as he strutted towards me.
    "Mr. Denton.. I have some papers i need you to sign. Would you like a clipboard?" Nodding my head yes i removed them from his hand and began signing. The words i read looked muddled, like the fog you get on glasses. Placing initials and my signature on the lines provided, my chest tightened. The strain of my bride laying dead behind the wall i was laid against, fornicated with the lingering depression from years passed.

    "Have you called the girls?" Tara mumbled through quiet tears. Her facial features were swollen behind her blonde hair, as if she were trying to hide her sorrow.
    "No... not yet i.. i.." My brain stopped working while i sat stuttering. How could i possibly have told them their mother died a painful death after they had a fight. I didn't want them thinking they caused it. Tara placed her hand on my shoulder, sliding down beside me. Her warm touch felt like Eileen's, Loving and kind.
    "I don't blame you Tom.. I'll call them.." She reached for her phone that sat inside her purse. I watched as she dialed Fallon's number while holding back her pain.

My surroundings blurred for what felt like hours as i watched the medical staff wheel Eileen's body out of the room and down the hall. The scent of rosemary and death engulfed my nostrils as she rolled passed me on the gurney like bed. For a second i pondered on our past once more, this time the moment we shared our first kiss.
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Eileen's hazel eyes beamed with joy as we walked hand in hand down the old pier on sawmill. Her fingers intertwining with mine made butterflies appear in my abdomen. The smell of rosemary and lemongrass wafted from her hair as the wind blew softly. Removing my leather jacket, I placed it on her shivering shoulders.
    "So Tom..Why does everyone hate you? I mean i get the whole 'bad boy' reputation but, you're so much more than that." The thought of telling her the truth crossed my mind. I cocked my head back letting a small chuckle loose.

    "Well?" Her head tilted in a puzzling way, waiting for me to answer her question. Eileen's body glowed in the vibrant orange sunset before us. Her curiosity is refreshing. Letting go of her hand i sat down, and removed my shoes. My feet hit the icy water sending chills up my spine.
    "I let people think what they want. I keep to myself, and tend to my father. There's not much of a story." Her fingers traced my hands as she sat beside me. As cold as the water was, the pain distracted me from my father's dementia. Eileen placed her head on my shoulder and smiled.
    "You know, people would like you way more if you told them that." We both sighed watching the sunset that was being painted across the sky.

    "Yeah probably.. but, then I wouldn't have this moment with you." I tilted my head towards her, as she lifted hers. Eileen's eyes grew a deep fire like ring around her cornea as i leaned in. Our lips were inches apart, and i could feel her shallow breaths on my chin. My heart banged like carnivorous thunder before a storm. I brushed my hand on her flushed cheek, pulling her closer. Taking a deep breath, she tugged me into her, letting our lips crash upon each others. They tasted of sweet honey and ginger from the chapstick she had worn earlier.
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Now that they had taken her my new life could finally start. Oh what treacherous heart ache this would be...