Curtizzles: The Iron Fist

Welcome To Hell

(banner credits: SmashBracket for Incineroar, wing by Parakoopa, Dry Bones by ChaoticPrince7, sword by Striker212, Koopatrol by No BODY The Dragon, Delfino by Yuese)

So... Fitting chapter name, right? Anyway, I'm going to tell you the story of Saviors of the Stars! I mean, if you've already READ that steaming load of shit, go ahead and skip this little section unless you either need a recap or want a good laugh. But if not, stick along. On the other hand, if you want some top-tier "holy fuck CRINGE", go and read the original story. It's worse than the first arc of The Amiibo Trials.

A world unravels. There is a Kirby as green as grass. His name is Green. He's the main character, obviously.

This here is Green, my used-to-be friend!.. Until I became a war criminal, but more on that in a later entry!

Green lives alongside four girls that appear to be in school uniforms. They're from DDLC. Green and the girls live in that one castle from Super Mario 64. How do they pay that shit off?

Green is a Kirby from a universe on Wattpad containing awkward sexual tension between an alien and countless human women! Yeah, what the fuck were you thinking, Thatdude18? Then again, it's Wattpad. I bet if you look to the right this instant, you'll see a story with the description "Oh, this girl has a dick. Cool, huh?" Or, maybe, Kylo Ren.

In the castle is Curtis, Green's friend. He is a Shiny Incineroar with magical bullshit powers.

Ohhh... That right there WAS me. Yeah, I went from an Incineroar with bullshit powers to an Incineroar with even MORE bullshit powers! Talk about a redemption arc!

Next is Slcsh, a blocky male from the Minecraft universe. No, that's not a typo. His name was Slcsh. Now he goes by SLASHEST. What a dumbass name. What does that mean? "I am the slashest"?

Slcsh is a motherfucker with a sword. Every piece of media needs a motherfucker with a sword. Most everyone in Star Wars, Young Link in Smash Ultimate, Raiden in Metal Gear, that gray-haired bitch from Final Fantasy, and the Gay Ghost from DC Comics.

Green, Curtis, Slcsh, and those girls that the story doesn't know what to do with leave the castle.

Lots of shit goes down, they kill demons, crush the skull of who was previously the main villain, get a Shiny Skarmory, and go to that super based island from that super based 3D Super Mario game that everyone should play.

And, of course, afterwards, they fight Zirconix, the green-and-silver Koopatrol that used to have dual-wielding hammers, but they get broken, and he doesn't even get ONE back until the final arc! And even then, HE LOSES IT SHORTLY AFTERWARDS! DAMN, you writers are assholes!

They fight Zirconix and destroy his hammers. Eventually, Zirconix ends up teaming up with these guys. Yeah, because that's how it works, right? Someone breaks your shit, so you join forces with them. I remember when some guy smashed my phone, so he went after the President of the USA and I'm like "hey, let me join you!"

So, we all know how it went from there. They killed discount Satan, fought their new villainous rival named after a dick joke, and took part in a cramped story-line about Dream Land, bringing in new villains that last about as long as a grindcore song.

Eventually, the entire world is turned into paper by a magical bullshit book that used magical bullshit to make Curtis and Slcsh open it.

At long last, there was a giant arc dedicated to the only good Paper Mario games. Afterwards, they had one last hurrah where they fought that evil cloud from LOST, destroying the very fabric of the universe and ending the series completely with zero hopes for any future content because the series suddenly became self-aware halfway through the book, finally deciding "hey, even I know this shit needs to die".