Letters to Ladybug

Dear Sadie Jane,

I'm not sure if you'll be able to read this anytime soon. I got a call last night that just about broke my heart. I didn't have any idea that you'd been having such a tough time or that you were having some of the feelings you've been having. It's hard for me to keep up when I can't see you often enough to notice signs that you're not feeling the greatest. 

I want to tell you a few things, and I want you to promise me you'll read this as many times as you need to until you start to believe my words. 

First of all, you are a beautiful, smart, wonderful, funny, talented and creative child. I can't be prouder at the person you are becoming. You can draw, you love to read, you have your own sense of style and you have a wonderful heart. Your mother and I couldn't have asked for you to turn into a sweeter person. 

What you are feeling right now- the sadness, loneliness, etc.- does NOT mean there is anything wrong with you and none of this is your fault. I am a firm believer- and so are medical doctors- that these feelings are a result of a chemical imbalance in our brains. Some people are lucky enough to go through life without having any problems like this. Others aren't. It doesn't make you any less of a person. Notice I said "chemical imbalance in our brains"...the key word is "our." I take medication for severe depression. I can relate to how you may be feeling. I'm not telling you this to talk about myself. I'm telling you this because I want you to know there is absolutely a light at the end of what seems like the darkest tunnel. You just have to try to fight through to reach it. 

By telling you to fight, I am not telling you to suck it up and pretend nothing is wrong. That's the worst thing to do. There are other ways to fight. Therapy (which I believe you are attending). Medication (which a therapist can help decide if it's right for you- and there is NOTHING wrong with having to take medicine, I will take mine faithfully for as long as I need to because I feel more emotionally balanced when I do). 

Right now I can't do the things I WANT to do, which are come pick you up and talk to you and make sure you'll get all the help you need. I know that there are SO many reasons why it seems like the world just SUCKS right now...but I promise you, I absolutely PROMISE you, there are better days ahead. Life is always worth it. Always. You are loved here. You are wanted and you are respected. Where you are now is not where you will always be. I will ALWAYS be here in one way or another when you need me. And if the day comes when you are able to make a choice and you need somewhere else to stay, the door to my home will always be open for you. I know I can't be by your side now but I'm still here, Sadie. I think of you every single day. If I didn't have you in this world, I would be the saddest person on the planet. Please remember that your mom and I love you so very much and though it may feel like it at times, you are NOT alone. 

I am also here if you need to talk...just comment. I always check my email so it won't take me too long to see. I love you to pieces and I will talk to you soon. 

Love, Amanda