All I am (Completed)

Deepest Cut

I have yet to see a better day. I'm on my way though. It will happen. I know it will. Why did Lucifer send me here?

I would like to think that life was better than what it is. My depression pushed the one I loved away.

If I'm a bad person and they didn't like me then why did they mourn me? I know that Juliara and I were not the same and that I shouldn't have compared myself to her. I have changed so much. I hated to think that my jealousy prompted me to actually murder someone. I sent him to a better place, that's all there is to know.

I can't escape myself or my fate. I know that now. The darkest side of me was awakened when M left me. I became the animal that Lucifer wanted me to be. I can't blame him for everything though. My life became a nightmare. I keep dreaming of M.

He screamed. I can hear his scream as he fought. That wasn't what happened though. I was crying and he held my face. "It's OK" he held the knife closer to his chest, his eyes rolled back and his grip was loosened. He died rather peacefully. As long as he was alive, Juliara would have him. But if he was dead, I would have him. He would wait for me in hell. He will wait for me. If he loved me. He did love me. Did he? Was I just a piece to him? Did I mean something? Then why was I a second choice? Because I'm stupid. I'm so stupid for letting myself fall in love with him.

His blood on my hands made me see that all this time, my heart was cold as ice. Where was I to put a body? I smirked. I knew exactly where.

The next week started school again. I was excited to know how my plan went. If I could boldly proclaim my work of art, I would.

"I'm proud." Lucifer said. I knew he was. I loved to think that I made him happy. That's all I really wanted.

I entered the school with tight leather pants and my hair down. Today, I chose to be the demon they all viewed me to be. The weird Gothic girl is what they want and that is what they will get.

Sometimes I see M's image in my head. He was forgiving me. He forgave me because he understood. Please, don't forgive me. I can't forgive myself. It was not civilized to destroy something you love. If this was love. Then I would rather be hanging somewhere. He polluted me with the desire to be with him. Knowing that I destroyed him is killing me. I lived a while and I am ready to die. Not just yet though.

Their eyes pierced me as I walked the halls. I wore three bells that jingled when I walked. My dark lips and cold eyes made some of them not want to look me in the eyes. I caught a group staring at me. They were talking about me.

"Is it holloween yet?" I turned to them and hissed showing my fangs. They were scared and jumped back at the sight of my blood stained teeth. Metal was pounding in my ear as I walked in my first classroom. Instead of sitting in the back of the class like I usually do, I sat in the front. There was going to be some special news.

Juliara came in the classroom looking pale and flushed. Her eyes were red as if she was crying the whole week before. Serves her right, my mind smiled.

Behind her entered six policemen and the teacher. We do not use intercoms in our school so any announcements that had to be made were to be repeated for each class. The teacher Mr. Hetchnem cleared his throat to stop the murmurs of the kids in the class. I knew exactly what was going to happen. I loved every moment of it too.

"Goodmorning class. These officers are from the precinct assigned to this area and they are in an ongoing investigation involving one of your classmates. They will tell you what they know."

"Goodmorning, I'm officer Briggs and we are here regarding a few of your classmates. If you are not yet aware, Mr. Bruce Muldrow has not been to school or any other function since last week. That is because he is dead."