Helena Bonham Carter - One Shots

To The Moon

⚠️TW: Eating disorder, Self harm, Caloried, throwing up⚠️

● You're Helena's adopted daughter. It's only you two.

Y/n's pov: 

It was late at night, but I didn't want to go home. Yet I knew I had to because Mum would get worried. She worries a lot. She already texted me twice and it wasn't even 7pm. 

I reached home and unlocked the door, trying to be as quiet as possible so I could just sneak right upstairs. But Mum noticed me from the kitchen and waved me to come over. I sighed and reluctantly made my way over to her.

"Hey sweetie. How was school?" She asked in a cheerful voice as she put the plates full of spaghetti on the table. 

"Yeah it was ok" I forced out, trying not to gag at the sight of the food. 

"How come you've been coming back home so late recently?" She asked me as she took her apron off. "I dunno. I just like taking walks after school. Helps me get my mind off of stuff" I answered truthfully while washing my hands and sitting down at the table. "What stuff?" "School mostly" 

I knew she was getting more worried and would ask more questions so I just began eating and changed the subject to her work. I ate about three quarters of the meal before excusing myself, saying I had loads of homework and was tired. 

I dropped my bag on the bed and changed into some comfy clothes; an oversized t-shirt and shorts. I tied my hair into a bun, before taking all my makeup off. 

I peaked out off my room and heard the tv playing, so I guessed Mum was watching something. I took this opportunity and went to the toilet. I kneeled in front and began forcing myself to gag, eventually, throw up. 

As I finished I closed the lid and flushed the toilet, standing up and looking in the mirror to wash my face. That's when I saw. Mum. Standing in the doorway of my bathroom. Worry, fear and shock plastered all over her face, tears in her eyes. 

"M-mum?" I stuttered out in a raspy voice after I turned around to face her.

"Honey? What's all this?" She whispered out , pointing to the toilet… and my arms. That's when I remembered my scars were visible too. I looked into her eyes and lost it. I began uncontrollably sobbing and my knees gave in, making me fall down to the ground. 

I felt warm arms snake around me and Mum's sweet voice, as she tried to calm me down. "I'm so sorry… I don't want to but.. I can't control it." I repeated over and over, choking in between sobs. 

She tried comforting me and kept repeating comforting things. "Shh, sweetie.. it's okay.. I'm here.. don't worry.. I'm here.. let it all out" 

I don't know how long we've been sitting there, on the cold bathroom floor. But my sobs subsided and my breathing became more even. 

"Honey, can we talk about this?" I looked into Mum's eyes and took all my effort to not break down once more. I nestled my head in her chest and wrapped my arms around her tightly. I hugged me back and rested her head on mine. 

We stayed like this for a moment before I pulled away and immediately stood up. I didn't look back at her. I knew this wouldn't help me but make it worse so I just sat down in the middle of the bed and waited for Mum to join me, with my head down. 

She sat down beside me with a confused face and put her hand on mine, allowing me to explain. 

"Yeah, I self harm. And yes, I have an eating disorder. I tried to stop both but it's impossible. It feels like I'm stuck in some loop" I paused and made eye contact with Mum. She had tears in her eyes but nodded for me to continue. "Whenever I try to eat normally, I feel guilty after and just throw up. And for the cutting, I just feel addicted to it" 

I sighed and put my head in my hands. What now? Is she going to yell? Is she disappointed? Will she just give me up? I suddenly felt a hand on my back, slowly moving up and down. 

I looked up at mom, and noticed she was silently crying, now trying to weakly give me a comforting smile. She failed but now I felt the need to comfort her. I scooched over to her and hugged her tightly from the side. She hugged me back and we stayed like this until mum asked "can I ask you a few questions?" in a sweet voice. 

I nodded and she began asking. "When did it start?" "The eating, like 5 months ago and self harm around 2 years" I answered truthfully to which she gasped at the last part. 

Mum adopted me over a year ago and we immediately felt a connection. I was scared she would be disgusted by my habit so I kept it a secret. I knew it was unfair for her, but I thought I'd be over it soon.

"Oh honey. I'm sorry" I pulled back and stared at her with confusion. "What? Mom, you've nothing to be sorry for" "No no no, I do. I'm sorry you ever felt like you couldn't tell me earlier" Mum apologized with tears in her eyes, on the verge of completely breaking down. 

"Mom! Don't say that! It's not your fault. I love you sooo much and there was nothing you could do. I just- I needed to release the mental pain. I knew I couldn't come to you-" Mum cut me off mid sentence. "Y/n!? What do you mean 'I couldn't come to you?'" 

I sighed and pushed away, realizing I'm just making her mad right now. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be doing this. You have your own life and I'm being a burden. Look, I'll get ready now, but can we please do it tomorrow? I'm really tired right now" I pleaded and got up, making my way over to the closet to grab my bag. I stopped in my tracks when I heard Mum. "Do what tomorrow?" She questioned, confused. "You know, giving me back up for adoption" 

Her eyes widened and she reached out, taking my hand and pulling me back into  bed. "Sweetie. I would never do that. You're not some house to resell. You're my daughter. I love you over the moon and any of your problems are my problems. You could never be a burden to me, okay?" Mum comforted me while rubbing her hand up and down my back, knowing this always calmed me down. 

In all honesty, deep inside, I knew this. But my negative thoughts pushed this all away, making me think she hated me. While in reality she loved me the most.

"Honey, so you think we could find you a therapist?" Mum suddenly questioned and I quietly replied "I don't know. Maybe not now" "Sure sweetie. In your own time. I will never push you towards anything. I love you" "I love you too" 

We stayed hugging each other for a while before Mum decided to try and get me to eat some fruit. It was grapes and I knew it was low cal so I agreed. Surprisingly, I didn't throw it up and soon after finishing we both fell asleep, cuddled into each other. 

I know I have a hell of a long journey in recovery, but now I know Mum will always be there to support me and I feel like our bond has grown even closer since then. 

~Words Count: 1301~