Helena Bonham Carter - One Shots

Never Enough

⚠️TW: Eating Disorder, Panic Attack, Body Dismorphia⚠️

I was up in my room, doing my homework when I heard Mum yelling downstairs for dinner. Great… I stood up and slowly headed downstairs while opening the calorie counting app at the ready. I did so before every meal for the last couple of weeks now.

I reached the kitchen and saw Mum humming to herself happily while carrying a bowl of soup. She noticed and greeted me. "Oh hey sweetie! How was your day? Sorry, I just got back from work so quick soup it is" She chuckled while setting it down on the table. Bingo. They're low cal.

Soon enough my siblings joined and we all ate while discussing and sharing how our day went by. I however just sat there and forced each spoonful down my throat, trying my hardest not to gag - I had just ended my 3 day fast.

"Y/n, you alright? You look a bit pale" My brother spoke, drawing me out of my thoughts. "Yeah, fine. Just a bit tired" I lied with a fake smile so as to not raise suspicion.

"You sure love? You do seem a bit quiet" Mum added, making me even more anxious and agitated. "Yes, I'm sure" I hissed, stopping myself not to let my anger out on them. It's not their fault.

Eventually they dropped the subject and continued on with their conversation. I finished my meal and just sat there listening in. Thankfully the soup was low cal so I didn't have to purge it after. After a while I got up, set the empty bowl in the sink and went upstairs to my bedroom unnoticed.

I was sitting by my desk, headphones on and deep into studying for the upcoming exams when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, making me jump. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you love. Just wanted to check up on you" I turned my chair around to face Mum as she sat down on my bed. "I already said I'm fine. What makes you think otherwise?" I replied and asked back, mainly in order to know what I was doing wrong so I don't make that mistake again.

"Nothing. Just a mother's instinct, angel" She replied with a warm smile. Mum always referred to me as 'angel' ever since I can remember. It always made me feel safe and loved and she knew it.

I nodded and after a small talk of her asking about school and the exams, Mum stood up to leave. Just as she was in the doorway, she turned around and reminded "I'm always here if you ever want to talk, you know that right angie?" That alone nearly made me break down but I wasn't going to give up until I reached my goal. I swallowed the guilt and replied "Yeah, I know. I love you Mum". I saw the glint in her eyes before she turned back around and shut the door. I let out a sigh of relief,  gathered my thoughts back and got right back into studying.

~Time Skip~

It's been over 6 months since Mum and my siblings began noticing my strange behavior but I just kept adding more to my mask everyday, trying to keep my struggles to myself and my family far and safe from them. Over the course of my dieting, I've lost over 30kg and now I'm just skin and bone, forcing me to wear baggy clothing all the time. Nevertheless, I still felt like my weight loss was never good enough and I needed to carry on.

We were all sitting down eating dinner - steak with mashed potatoes and beans. I ate it all up with no problem as I knew I would purge the food right after leaving the table.

"Kids, I've got a surprise for yous. Since you guys finished your school year last week, I thought it would be a fun idea to go on holiday!" Mum stated right as I was going to stand up to go to the bathroom.

“Awesome! Where are we going?” Billy exclaimed and Nell nodded along. I slowly sat back down anxiously, hoping it would be somewhere cold. “Italy! Remember Memé has a summer house over in Sicily?” My siblings happily thanked Mum and began asking her several questions about the details of the trip.