19:27
Im so scared with how I'll end up acting soon. Or behaving in general. I dont know which of my thoughts are mine and not just intrusive ones, i cant remember things the way i used to and i dont know how to react to anything at all. I dont know what i want or don't want and i keep telling myself i dont deserve anything i have and anything i need and everytime i convince myself i do, i just end up doing something that crumbles it all back down. Even as i write this, i think is this really how i feel? i can't even articulate my thoughts and feelings anymore.
Like.. is this what i want? Is this how i feel?? What do i want??
Am i happy?? Am i content ?? Satisfied???? Sad??? Do i want to die do i want to keep going ????
I dont even see myself in the mirror anymore. Thats not me. My name isn't me. This body, this voice.. everything. I cant recognize myself anymore. Its like. Ive never even been able to recognize myself.
I keep doubting whether or not my friends think we're friends, i dont think im doing a good job at anything, im so unsure of everything, i just
I dont think im worth it anymore.
