12:00 nn
hi. its... been a while.
to catch you up, you stopped updating because you got so much more busy. a month ater the previous update came Pre Auditions for your AD musical. then came auditions, then came 12 hour school days because of rehearsals -- there was no capacity for you to write down your thoughts and vent to an audience of Zero.
but here's the catch.
since the start, you've not felt...that heavy anymore. you've been dissociating less. you're more grounded. time still goes by quickly but not too quickly. you're happier. maybe in the beginning you were distracted. too busy to care how you felt. but the constant rehearsals and passion exhaustion...it fueled you.
thats. basically it to be honest.
your friends are still....hard to vent to when they dont believe anything you say. but its better now. everyone's calmer. more empathetic. you cry less. you smile more. you're so much more confident in your skin.
your name is still disconnected. you still dont like your birthday. your voice still doesnt sound right. but you've grown to not feel bad because of it.
you're happy.
and more than half the reason you're so much more grounded now is...well you've met someone.
you're still dissociating, dont get me wrong, but he makes you fight it. makes you want to not be dissociating. you're actually trying to be in the moment now.
you dont see him often given the fact that you're going to different schools na, but every time you do, the whole world just disappears. his touch pulls you back down. he's so understanding that its so...unreal how someone can be so caring. he respects everything about you. you have so much in common with him. he makes you feel like you're never going to be alone anymore.
and for once, finally, for once, you're greedy about someone. I know i said about aaron, "he doesn't deserve someone who cant get her shit together", but with Sean...
im keeping him. I've decided to be better. to learn to live the moment. i dont deserve someone so good, but God, im never letting him go.
tldr: you're happier. and this book will have less and less updates per year. 16 was SHIIIIIT lmoa
