Summer Nightmares

Six

Miles Dunne

Madelyn, my sister hated summer because she couldn't feel less lonely lying in her bed for hours, counting the minutes as they passed by. She slept a lot and didn't talk much.

My mother would occasionally have picnics as an excuse to call all of Madelyn's friends from school so that she'd have someone of her age to talk to. They'd tell her about how they hated school, the mean girl who got played by the class nerd, the parties they had, and the times they wished she was there with them. She wouldn't say much more than a 'hi' and a few nods.

My father would bring her presents every weekend from cute little beads to the home theater he'd set up for her and he'd sing her to sleep. He'd make her his special 'chocolate brownie in a mug' and he'd watch movies with her for hours and they had their secret talks they'd bring up at the dinner table when I wasn't around. It was like living with three strangers who were extremely good at pretending that I didn't exist.

I hated Madelyn to the point where I had once told my mother 'I wished she never existed' and she had locked me in my room and grounded me for the next four weeks without my sketchbooks. I deserved it.

But I didn't deserve how my parents ignored me. I didn't deserve how my sister had everything she ever asked for while I had to work a part time job for the things I wanted. I didn't deserve how she'd get the attention, the love, the hope that somebody had her back and I wouldn't.

If having cancer meant that my parents would smile at me and ask me for once, how was my day, I wished I had cancer.

Madelyn would never smile though one summer she did when she asked me to show her my sketchbooks.

"I've been drawing a lot lately, probably why mom hates me," I had mumbled walking in her dark bedroom with ten of my sketchbooks. She liked to keep her curtains closed.

"Miles, these are so good!" She'd smiled at my drawings and looked at me with happiness in her eyes for the first time. "I wish I live till the day you become a famous artist and we'd- maybe- we'd go to Paris," her eyes gleamed with every word. "And I'll be your manager!"

The feeling when you know that your wishes are never going to come true because it's just your luck, but you smile with false hope and let your heart tell your mind that it's only for this time is the feeling where your heart aids and abets you.

That summer morning, my mind told my heart to aid and abet the false hope but my heart whispered, back this time 'no'. I didn't dare leave Madelyn's room, tears streaming down my face because we both knew that she'd never live with her ruined and damaged blood cells.

If having cancer meant that Madelyn would've lived, I wished I had cancer.

There is a lot you can know about a person in half a day if you give them enough attention and notice the little things they do, my father had told me once. But he didn't tell me why, why do we even have to give our attention to someone who wasn't worth it?

I still didn't know but I did notice the little things Sydney did and I couldn't stop noticing her for some reason.

Sydney Jules López didn't say much more than a 'hi' and little sentences that she mumbled when she giggled. Sydney Jules López liked to keep things to herself. Sydney Jules López scared me.

It had been a few hours since I'd seen Sydney last, but a lot could happen in those hours and I could tell you almost everything in detail while barely trying to remember any of it at all.

Two minutes after she walked away, Regina told me I was overthinking things and that I was falling for her even though she didn't like me much or at least it looked that way from a distance. Kai probably embarrassed me too and I didn't say a thing after that.

Sixteen minutes after she had walked into the forest and disappeared amidst the tall trees, I was lying to Emily and Miguel about where Sydney was and they were not quite believing in any of it so Regina had to jump in and help me out. She told them some things and nothing. I don't remember what it was about but it was quite believable that I almost wished it were true.

Thirty minutes after Sydney had gone, I and Maitretyi, a girl from another group, were putting on fairy lights while Nate, James and Taylor (I think that's what their names were, apparently) worked on the movie projector.

Sixty minutes after the girl I barely knew had gone, I was losing my mind. Maybe if I talk to Regina, she'd finally think the way I was thinking and come with me to the lake or wherever she was. Maybe I should tell Miguel and Emily the truth. Maybe I should've never lied in the first place. Every minute grew up on me like a poisoned ivy of my thoughts.

Seventy minutes after Sydney Jules López had completely conquered my mind and was living in there, rent free for what seemed like an infinity, Regina Spring dragged me with her to the back of the building. She looked worried.

"Do you know where Sydney might be?" She asked, her eyes searching for something in the forest that was almost dark because of the trees.

"Yes. No." I mumbled, my mind still wondering. "I think she might be at the lake. I'm not sure, though."

"I- we should go, look!" Her hands were trembling and I couldn't tell if it was the wind or the stupid thoughts telling her it was all her fault.

We shivered as we walked through the forest. The sun was shining through the cotton clouds and it was meant to be a hot day but something about the lake was odd and cold. Cold, mostly.

"She's not- she's not here?" Regina looked down at her feet, disappointed, her voice faint and scared.

"I- What the fu-" I screamed to someone's hand on my shoulder and spun around to find Kai. "Jesus, what are you doing here?" I hissed.

"You guys freaking left me back at the cafeteria to freaking bake cookies with Anne. She's way too clingy and I just can't- I thought we were getting along and I thought I was happy for a second and you guys-" His voice cracked. "Freaking left me."

I didn't know what to say. Apparently we had our problems and it wasn't getting better. And Regina and Kai were not okay. And I had to find Sydney before the counselors found out about this drama.

Great.

And so we wandered.