Summer Nightmares

Fifteen

Emily 'Em'

I shifted uncomfortably in my place. We were sitting in the flower field - me and Miguel while the kids were exploring around. I never really thought this would have to come to this. Ever since I had lost my job I had been living the worst nightmare which grew worse every single minute. I knew I couldn't keep it from Sydney for much longer. She had the right to know and she was going to hear about it one way or the other.

It all came crashing down on me when Mr. Holland told me he could no longer pay me. His cafe wasn't doing good ever since a goddamn hotel opened right next to our little cafe. I don't blame Mr. Holland. I just blame myself. I should've thought about it all along. I should've kept some money aside for Sydney.

I was the careless daughter of a careful mother.

I was walking home the day I decided to come clean in front of Sydney when I found out about Camp Lakesville. The pay was good, good enough for me to carry on the secret for a few more months, good enough to buy me some more time till I find a new job. And so I broke mom's tradition of spending summers at the beach and became a counselor at Camp Lakesville.

I'm...not proud.

I sighed as it all went through my head over and over again like it always did.

"Emily?" I flinched at my name and looked up to find Miguel staring at me in worry. "Are you still worried about Sydney?" He asked as his hands played around with the grass bed below us. Wind in our hair. And I still felt everything yet nothing.

Miguel Torres was a lot better than me and deserved better than me. I knew it because he had a loving family. He was raised and homeschooled with his older and younger sister, Laia and Mia. His father was a stage manager and his mother a housewife and they didn't have to worry about the food or the money or anything. His family was picture perfect and shiny, living a Christmas holiday every single day.

Miguel Torrez was the most beautiful boy I had ever met. Blonde hair ran in his family's bloodline, his abuelo being French was the one who started the French holidays tradition in his family. He spoke both French and Spanish perfectly thanks to his abuelo and abuela. He had freckles on his face that formed several constellations which he told me were his biggest insecurity. He was perfect. And I was...well everything he was, I was not that.

He knew about my situation. I could barely pay for Evelynn's university and our house. Miguel cared a lot for me. And I always knew he liked me. He'd say little 'I-love-you-for-that's every now and then. I always knew but I'd pretend not to notice.

How could I love when I was barely keeping up with my life?

And even if I did, it would only result in a tragic love affair. All my sadness, when it'll come falling down on him, he'd stagnate, love will die, I'd lose everything and depression is the last thing on my mind right now. Our family hasn't had the best time handling depression and...

"Emily!" He waved his hand in front of my face and all that came out of me was a little 'hmm?'. I looked at him sighing and got up. He got up too and asked, "You wanna see my favorite place here? Maybe that will make you feel better for sometime..."

"I-what about the kids?" I asked. Another excuse to stay in the same depressing and stressing state I was in.

"It's Kai and Regina only! I'm sure they won't get into any trouble. Just trust me with this one!" He smiled and ran to the kids to let them know he was taking me somewhere. When he came back to me I tried my best to give him a smile. He was doing so much to cheer me up.

I loved what he did so much that I hated him for that. For everything that wasn't even his fault. It had been mine all along since the day we first met. And I hated myself for that.

At least Sydney was okay. She didn't know about any of this. She didn't have anything to worry about. And at least I'll always be there for her unlike my father.