Summer Nightmares

Eight

Regina Spring

Miles Dunne said he'd go first though he didn't have much to say. I wondered if the other two would have a lot to say. I could barely think of a sentence about me other than my name and my age. It felt like I didn't know myself much. At all, to be honest. I didn't know myself at all. No thoughts. No personality. Just flesh and bones and a heart that could barely beat.

He took a deep breath in as if he was thinking of all the things he could tell three kids in the middle of the dark woods and get away with the thing.

"I'm Miles Dunne. I'm seventeen and I'm somehow going to be eighteen in December. I live with my parents in a mansion near the Olive Garden. I don't even know why they would buy a goddamn mansion for three people but, anyway, I mostly spend my time drawing in the living room or my bedroom or the kitchen," he paused for a second and looked at our reactions one by one as if he cared about our opinion for some reason.

"We don't talk much," he whispered, "my parents and I." His voice was louder this time. "And if we're doing this then can we please tell each other everything that makes us happy or hurts us? We're never going to see each other ever again, so it won't even matter."

Kai and I agreed and then the three of us looked over at Sydney who was fumbling with the bracelet in her hands. She looked hesitant and unsure.

"Sydney?" Miles didn't speak any further.

"I-," her voice came out as a whisper, unsure and low. "Let's just say, my life hasn't been the happiest," she let out a faint chuckle. "But I'll do it if you guys promise not to look at me differently after knowing me."

We crossed our hearts and promised.

Miles laughed and smiled and then looked at us, "So, where was I again?"

"Mansion?" Kai said, confused. "I mean, all I heard for the past 5 minutes was 'mansion',"

"Loneliness, okay? I was talking about loneliness!" Miles playfully punched him in the guts.

"My mom and dad are always working, keeping themselves busy ever since Madelyn passed away. It's like they forgot that they have a kid who desperately needs attention and love. But, then again, even when Maddie was alive, they never looked at me," he smiled sadly. "Madelyn was the one who cared for me. She was my-," his voice cracked, "sister, my best friend. She was the one I showed my sketchbooks to and fought with and watched the other kids play outside with. I was the one who cheered her up when she missed being a normal kid. She had- cancer."

Miles was crying now.

"I know, it's stupid. I'm supposed to tell you about my life," he laughed through his tears. "But I can't talk about my life without her because she was the reason I felt like I mattered." He wiped his tears and didn't meet our eyes for a few minutes. We sat there in silence as it crept onto us like an ivy.

"Are you okay?" Kai asked in a whisper. He didn't know what else to say, I suppose because that's the feeling I found myself feeling too.

"I'm okay," Miles nodded. He was not. But at least he could hide his feelings well. I wondered what was going to become of me when they found out my story. "Are you going to go next?" he asked me. I squeezed my eyes shut for a second and my mind told me 'it was a bad idea' over and over again. It was such a bad idea.

"I-I'll go after Kai?" I stuttered trying to keep my voice as normal and okay as possible and failed badly. I sounded like a kid who had been through a lot, fear creeping on her from her girlhood memories. I sounded like the person I was not supposed to be. I sounded like the real me who could run miles and win every single prize but couldn't win her mother.

"Okay." Kai said. "I don't do things without asking my parents and it sucks, now that I'm here with you guys. I used to think that following the rules was the way of living a successful life because my parents were always there to tell me, 'this is the way', as if there were no other ways I could be happy," he smiled and we did too.

"But I know now, that breaking rules is not that bad. It doesn't mean I'm going to murder someone with you guys so don't get the wrong idea! I just- I hated my life before this. All they ever asked me about was my studies, my grades and my Stanford essay. Nothing else mattered. 'I' did not matter."

He paused and looked at us, "I-Thank you! I know I said I didn't want this, but this is what I want now. I want to be happy, not rich. I want to be 'me'," he smiled widely this time. "And that's me. Almost everyone in my family thinks I'm disappointing our ancestors. And I think they were stupid enough. I think my parents were stupid not to care about me at all but maybe I can. I've got nothing more to lose than my house that was never a home, so yeah."

"Okay, you're not stupid, I get it now!" Miles said, giving Kai a hug.

"I'm happy that you're happy!" I laughed and joined in for the hug. I looked at Sydney and whisper-mouthed her to join us too and she hesitated at first but gave up after a few minutes of intense whisper arguing. I really wanted to know about her. Why was she like that?

But when they all looked at me, I knew I had to tell my story before hearing hers. So I just breathed heavily and coughed and they looked at me as if it was okay if I couldn't tell them. But then, why did every single word I thought felt wrong?

Maybe it was a bad idea.