Darling || JesperxOC || Shadow and Bone DISCONTINUED

XV

The carriage is silent.

The minutes tick into hours after the eventful night we all just had.

The silence is welcomed.

Suddenly we stop.

"I need to stretch my legs" Kaz says boredly. "Anyone want to come with me?" He asks

We all shake our heads until Inej nods and silently gets up with him.

The door closes behind them and I realise that it's just Jesper and I alone.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He questions in a half whisper.

I shake my head as I continue looking outside of the window.

"You didn't really explain much, you just said about that woman dragging you."

"Stop" I say

"How did you even get out?" He continues and the noise that her throat made as it got crushed sounds again in my ears

"Jesper"

"I don't understand how I could have not noticed" he mumbles

I feel my eyes welling up with tears and I curse myself. That makes him look up at me.

"Hey, hey what's wrong?" He asks

"I'm sorry" I say as I wipe my eyes and he joins me on my side of the carriage.

We sit in silence until I sigh realising I have to tell him. I can't keep it hidden any longer it's becoming exhausting.

"I escaped using my talents- I prefer to call them talents... gives a fake impression that they are wanted.... And useful." I start "my talents mean I can do this"

I quickly appear on the other side of the seat to Jesper. He glances at me and then I appear in my original seat again.

"What- how?" He asks

"I don't know what you would call it, I say im an earth Grisha but I've never met someone like me" I admit. I carry on before I back myself out of it. "When I found myself sold to Pekka, I made the decision to never let him know about my talents and that's why I was trapped there for almost a decade" I say "when I finally decided that enough was enough, I used my powers to escape out of the house, but the guards noticed me." I slow down my talking "I had no choice but to kill them and I had never used my talents since then until Alexei"

I take the opportunity to glance at Jesper.

Without a word he grasps my hand and turns it over. I open my mouth to question him before he mends the broken cuff of my dress that happened when I strangled the girl earlier.

"You're Grishan too?" I ask

He shrugs and changes the topic back onto me.

"I don't really know what I am, we're similar that way I guess" he says "I think it means we should be fine if we stay as partners in crime" he chuckles, leaning back trying to make a joke.

"I am a murderer" I say

"Darling you are not a murderer you were defending yourself."

"Either way I still took lives I shouldn't have and I get haunted by them every night... it's not fair." I start "What happened to the little girl Kaz used to care for or the little girl who used to play with Jordie on the farm? Now I'm just a killer! Those guards probably had family's who loved them more then my family ever loved me! And I just took that way from them"

"Stop. You're no more a murderer then I am... I guess we were meant to find each other."

"Jesper stop being cringy." I say with a smile but he sits up looking at me deadly serious

"I'm serious Lori. Before you got here I was fine. I was living the same days over and over again just fine. I did it for no reason, no purpose, but you- you've brought that purpose back even if that purpose is not the same for you, you are my reason Lorri... and I'll be there until you find your reason as well because I care about you."

I sit shocked for a minute at his sincerity. Jesper never talks about his feelings like this.

"How can you even say that with a straight face?" I say with a laugh "You. You can shoot and- and you've got this ability to make people love you in a matter of seconds meanwhile I don't have anything."

"That's not true you have your talents."

"Yeah... my talents that landed me into this mess of nightmares in the first place."

"But they also brought you to me. Without them you would have been stuck with Pekker. You would be there and I would be here having no idea that you existed. What a miserable existence."

It's quite

"Are you saying that you need me now Fahey?"

"Every single day."

I look at him quite shocked. I had no idea I meant this much to someone.