Fine Line

17. Spreading you open

Dakota

"Come onnnnn." Victoria whines and I raise a brow at her. I swear she is so annoying when she's drunk.

"V, I don't want to dance." I say and she grumbles something.

"Please. This is our night to have fun." She says, pleading with me. I stand there with one hand in my pocket and a drink in my other hand.

"How about you dance, and I go over there, sit on the couch and watch you dance." I say and she whines again.

"You're no fun." She says and I smile widely.

"I'm not here to have fun. I'm here to get drunk." I say and she sighs.

"Fine. I'll just find someone else to dance with." She says and I nod.

"Good thinking. I'll be over there if you need me." I say, pointing towards the couch and then walking towards it. I sit down on one end, watching V as she grabs a girl by her waist and starts dancing with her. I smile as I take a sip of my drink. She finally came to terms with her sexuality. She likes both girls and guys, and since she's drop dead gorgeous, both are always after her. I finish off my drink and then stand up, walking to the kitchen to get me something else. As I'm pouring more liquor into my cup, a girl appears at my side.

"Hi." She says and I look over at her, then back down to make sure I don't overflow my cup.

"Sup." I say and put the lid back on the bottle.

"Not having fun?" She asks and starts making herself a drink.

"Not really, no. I only come to these parties for the booze." I say with a shrug and take a big sip of my drink.

"Same. And to find someone to take me home." She says with a seductive smile, making me internally roll my eyes.

"I've got a friend who would be interested." I say and I see her face drop slightly.

"Well I was hoping you'd be up for it." She bounces back and I sigh.

"Sorry but I just got out of a relationship so I'm not looking for a quick fuck." I say, walking away from her and back to the couch. I sigh as I sit down and look down at the brown liquid in my cup. I don't know what's wrong with me. After Beth, I was quick to find someone to fulfill the sexual needs that I had. Now after Billie, I don't feel like doing anything but moping in my thoughts. And it sucks because it's not like we even did anything.

You'd think I'd be the most sexually frustrated I've been in my life but I'm the complete opposite. I don't want anyone to touch me if it isn't her. I don't even want to talk to another woman. I don't know if I'll ever be able to cope after this. She hurt me when she promised she wouldn't and she's fucking up my mind. She's been doing that ever since we met and I'm so tired of it. I just want a moment where I don't think about her.

I finish off the drink and I walk towards the kitchen again, grabbing the bottle of Jack Daniels and walking outside. I sit down on the steps and take the top of, shoving it into my pocket and then taking a big sip of the liquor. I even stopped smoking in the time I was with her. I stopped doing a lot of things that I had become so used to doing. I haven't been in a fight since I got suspended that last time, I haven't drank since I had to pick up Victoria from the bar, and I haven't smoked since the night my mom kicked me out.

I pull out the pack of cigarettes I have in my pocket and look down at it. It's like they're calling to me. The red on the package keeps burning brighter and I feel my lungs aching to take in the hazardous smoke. I open up the top and pull one out. I look down at it, in a battle with myself if I should relapse with these or not.