GoodBoy [ BANGCHAN X READER ]

14: Heat of the Moment

Y/N POV

It's been a couple of days since we at dinner at Chan's place. We haven't seen him so I'm guessing he is busy with work?

Since we kissed after 'clearing the air', I really do not know what to make of anything. He acted like it didn't happen so I'm guessing I should do the same, but we still need to talk about it. Usually, the guys text first, but I'm impatient. Lee Know leaves tomorrow, meaning that Chan is coming over tomorrow. I don't want to be awkward and I want to go ahead and get it out the way.

I text Chan,

"Hey, We need to talk

about the other day,"

"Hey, I meant to bring it

up but I've been busy,"

" Can you talk right now?"

"I get off in like 10 minutes,

Can I call you then?"

"That's fine,"

I waited until Chan called so that we could get this out of the way. I was nervous, but I didn't want there to be tension.

Ring Ring Ring

I answered the phone with Chan on the other end.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey, so about the other day,"

"I think it was just the heat of the moment," I said.

"Yeah, yeah. I think that too," he replied.

" Well now that we got that out of the way. See you tomorrow,"

I hung up the phone and took a deep breath of disappointment before slapping my hand on my forehead.

"Why did you say that, You're so stupid. Stupid. Stupid," I said to myself.

I mean I think I like him. Right? Or is he just an interesting person? But that makes him interesting to me so I like him, right? This is too confusing. But either way, he has my attention.

Needing to figure out my feelings I started painting, letting my mind flow.

I had a lot of questions flowing through my mind as I let my subconscious take over. Why did I not want to put meaning to the kiss? I feel myself being pulled towards him, but it's like I am holding myself back. Like I'm afraid of something. I wouldn't say I like that feeling. The feeling of being afraid, but not knowing what. I think that I like him, but no one has sparked my interest in a while.

I think it's because when I stopped socializing after high school, I stopped searching for love. I used to hate being alone, I used to be scared of it. I think that's why I stopped dating. Because searching for love caused me more harm than good.

But how I long to love someone and have them love me back twice as much. To hold them close at night and miss them when they are out of my touch. To feel their heartbeat and listen to it race because of me. To have them as nervous as I am to mess everything up. I long for someone who understands me more than I understand myself. Someone who sees my flaws and loves them the most. To notice little things about me and surprise me just because. I want someone who loves me for no reason because when you love someone for no reason, there's no way you could ever not love them.

I know it sounds bad, but I want them to be in pain when they see me in pain so that they are always trying to keep me happy. I want their heart to break if they ever see tears in my eyes. Someone who wouldn't want me to leave, but respects me if I do decide to. Someone who would still love me no matter what side they saw of me. Someone who is so gentle with me and someone I can be gentle with.