His Sun is in Scorpio

Chapter 2: Andromeda

After 7th grade, my memories become patchy, mainly because 8th grade was rather uneventful. However, there were a few notable occurrences: Firstly, I had completely moved on from my first ex, and secondly, I had fallen head over heels in love with Phoenix.

8th Grade

This is what I deserve, I thought. This is what I get for not taking Phoenix's feelings seriously. Last year, I convinced myself that rebounding with Phoenix could alleviate the pain of my first heartbreak. It hadn't occurred to me how unfair that was; I was solely focused on the potential benefits our relationship could bring me. But karma doesn't allow us to construct our happiness on the misery of others; it always circles back to make us pay for our selfishness. And now, I've paid a heavy price. I toyed with his emotions in 7th grade, and now, in 8th grade, I've found myself falling in love with him.

I started having feelings for Phoenix when I began losing feelings for my heartbreaker. Apparently my heart doesn't have room for two loves, making me incapable of liking Phoenix because my heart belonged to someone else during our relationship. I felt incredibly regretful that it took me over a year to realize what Phoenix meant to me, but by this time it was far too late. Phoenix didn't speak to me. He went the entire first semester of 8th grade not breathing a single word to me. The only thing I could do was yearn for him from a distance. I didn't have the courage to try and rekindle our relationship. I was a coward admiring him from afar.

My feelings for Phoenix emerged as I gradually lost interest for my heartbreaker. Apparently my heart couldn't accommodate two loves simultaneously, leaving me unable to fully appreciate Phoenix while my affections were still tied to someone else. I deeply regretted not recognizing my feelings for Phoenix sooner, but by then, it was too late. Throughout the entire first semester of 8th grade, Phoenix didn't speak a word to me. All I could do was pine for him from afar. I lacked the courage to attempt to reignite our relationship.

Lunchtime became my favorite part of the day because it offered me the chance to simply observe Phoenix. Amidst the crowd, he always stood out effortlessly. When he laughed his canines would appear, they looked sharp, and they hung a little lower than the rest of his teeth. When he'd smile I'd catch the edge of my lips curving upwards, his joy was infectious. His skin appeared flawless, akin to smooth porcelain clay. I couldn't help but dwell on the missed opportunities I had to touch him.

Lost in my thoughts, I sighed as I watched Phoenix take a sip of water. Suddenly, our eyes met. In a fluster, I averted my gaze, making it evident that I had been looking at him moments before. Summoning the courage to glance up again, I found his eyes locked onto mine. Heat rose to my cheeks as we held each other's gaze. His eyes, just like sapphires, mesmerized me. Our eye contact continued until his brows furrowed in disapproval, sending a shiver down my spine. Quickly, I looked away, too intimidated to meet his gaze again.

As I head to homeroom after lunch, Sky approaches me at my table. Sky happens to be one of Phoenix's best friends.

"Nella, stop looking at Nix during lunch he's driving me insane" It turns out my friends started calling me Nella, and somehow, it caught on.

"What do you mean? I-I don't look at him."

"Sure, I witnessed your little staring match today at lunch. He can't seem to stop ranting about how much he despises you. The guy absolutely detests you with every fiber of his being."

I feel my heart shattering. I pray that Sky can't hear it; otherwise, he'd realize that my laughter in response to Phoenix's disdain was nothing but a facade.

"The feeling is quite mutual," I say, though it's far from the truth. "He's so annoying. I didn't even mean to look over at him; I was trying to look out the window behind him." I scold myself internally for the lie. "Just tell him to stop talking about me, it's starting to sound like an obsession."

I muster up one last giggle and proceed to ask the teacher if I can use the restroom. Without waiting for her response, I dart out of the door. Tears stream down my face uncontrollably, and I clamp my hand over my mouth, stifling any audible sobs. I quickly push open one of the stall doors and collapse inside with my back against the wall. My legs give way beneath me as I slide down, curling into a ball, with my hands still clamped tightly over my mouth.

My head throbs with pain as tears continue to flow silently. The ache in my chest is unbearable, matching the rapid pace of my heartbeat. Finally allowing myself to take a deep breath, I tremble as I exhale. I quickly wipe away my tears to prevent my makeup from smudging. I gather what little strength I have left to stand and make my way to the dirtied bathroom mirror to assess the damage to my makeup. Thankfully, my waterproof mascara holds up, but my eyeliner hasn't fared as well.

Splashing my face with cold water in hopes to calm myself. I gaze at my reflection for a moment. It's evident that I've been crying, but I shake off the thought. Deciding it's time to return to class, I make my way down the hall. Just as I pass Phoenix's classroom, he emerges. Perfect timing, as always. Sensing his wariness, I quickly avert my gaze. A sigh of relief escapes me as I think I've avoided any confrontation, but suddenly, someone grasps my arm.

"Why are you crying?" Phoenix whispers.

I turn around in confusion and yank my arm away. "Why do you care? Don't you hate me now?"

Phoenix's eyes widen, "Who told you that?"

"Who do you think? Your best friend." I say.

"That asshole. I told him all those things in the heat of the moment. I.. don't hate you or in other words I can't hate you." Phoenix palms the back of his neck. He seems embarrassed. "Hating you would be so much easier."

I feel my body start to tinge all over. "Look, Phoenix, I'm sorry for last year. I'm so sorry I was selfish and didn't think to consider your feelings. You didn't deserve that and I hope that you can somehow forgive me." My voice falls. 

"Antonella, I've already forgiven you. It was my fault anyway. I overreacted when you asked me if you should win that jerk's heart back. I got impatient and just wanted to make you mine as soon as possible. I'm sorry," Phoenix admits, his face tinged with a light shade of pink.

My face matches his, "Phoenix, you have nothing to apologize for. I just want to be friends again."

Phoenix grins. "I'd like that."

While we agreed to rebuild our friendship, my relationship with Phoenix remained rather casual. We didn't text as frequently as before, which was fine but our conversations in person dwindled. Sometimes, Phoenix wouldn't even acknowledge me, and on other occasions, he actively avoided making eye contact. It seemed like he was determined to close the door on our friendship and move forward from our past. Feeling guilty for my past behavior towards him, I didn't make much effort to strengthen our bond either. As 8th grade drew to a close, Phoenix began to feel like someone I used to know.