His Sun is in Scorpio

Chapter 3: Pacify My Heart

The summer of 8th grade proved to be rather uneventful. While my friends went on extended vacations abroad with their families, I remained in the trailer park with my mom, stepdad, and baby brother. As a family of immigrants, the idea of leaving the country never crossed our minds. Despite our financial struggles, I had long been aware of our financial status. Yet, I found solace in the fact that we had each other, and that was enough to keep me content.

Freshman Year

When I started freshman year everything shifted. High school was a whole different world compared to middle school. The hallways filled with unfamiliar faces, and there was an unspoken hierarchy. Fortunately, my circle of friends remained intact, and the transition to a larger school brought us even closer. Everyone, myself included, seemed to undergo changes. I experienced a growth spurt, adding an inch to my height, leaving me at 5 feet 4 inches tall. My hair outgrew the haircut my mom gave me earlier in the summer; now dyed a dark red, and a little past my shoulders. Moreover, my love for makeup had only grown since my mom introduced me to eyeliner in 7th grade, and my skills had significantly improved over time.

To my surprise, I found myself looking forward to school each day. It wasn't so much for the education but for the chance to see my friends and mingle with new faces. However, there was one class that I particularly enjoyed—7th period English. Not only was my best friend Pretty in that class, but our teacher also made the mistake of seating us together. It felt like a small victory on the first day of school when teachers were still unfamiliar with us.

A few days into the semester, I had mapped out an efficient route to 7th period, so every day I'd eagerly make my way to English as fast as I could. Debriefing with Pretty after a long day was always my favorite part. My class was at the far end of the hallway, and as I hurried to meet Pretty, I spotted a skinny blonde girl and a tall, buff guy making out right in front of my classroom door. I giggled, still not used to how freely couples kissed in high school. Pretty poked her head out of the door and saw me coming toward her.

She yelled, "Antonella!" 

The boy kissing the blonde shifted his face and opened his eyes. It was Phoenix. My heart plummeted to my stomach, and I felt my blood pumping through my entire body. A knot formed in my throat, my cheeks flushed, and I could feel heat radiating from my pores. It was like watching a car crash—terrible, yet impossible to look away. Phoenix's eyes met mine, his lips still locked with someone else's, he looked smug. The corner of his mouth lifted slightly into a smirk—he was smiling at me. Flustered, I quickly looked down at the floor, scratched the side of my head, and hurried into the classroom. Sitting down next to Pretty, my heart was still racing wildly.

Phoenix was extremely different. He grew taller, more muscular, joined varsity football, changed his hairstyle, and acted like I didn't exist. He seemed colder, his facial expression always stoic, indifferent to everyone around him. I was afraid of him. I didn't dare to approach him because he was no longer the person I thought I knew. I was scared to get in his way, scared he might hate me, and I didn't want to pester him. Feeling unwanted by Phoenix was my biggest fear, and as long as I didn't approach him, I could avoid confirming it.

After that, Phoenix made sure to make out with that girl in front of my class everyday. It was incredibly frustrating because I no longer looked forward to arriving early for class. Seventh period became dreadful, and I began to resent him for it. Determined not to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was watching, I intentionally looked straight ahead, making sure he knew I would never glance in his direction. Yet, I could always feel his eyes following me whenever I entered class, which infuriated me.

After a while, I grew curious about the girl Phoenix was with. I hadn't paid much attention to her until I discovered her connection to him. Whenever she was done committing crimes of public displays of affection, she would come into class and sit in front of Pretty and me.

Eventually, I approached her. I introduced myself and asked a few questions to prompt her to open up. My goal was simply to get details about her and Phoenix. I wasn't interested in her hobbies or interests and found myself despising her, as she embodied America's beauty standard. She told me her name was McKenna and mentioned that she'd been going out with "Nix" for a few weeks.

Just like that, she started talking about how they met and got together. I felt the words come up like vomit. "That's actually my ex" I say. I was so annoyed, so mad. How could she so freely claim he was hers? He was mine first.

She stops suddenly, twirls her hair and looks down "Oh" She looks up at me "Really? You?" 

I nod and glance at my best friend, Pretty. She's trying to suppress a laugh, holding back the corners of her mouth. The silence that follows grows awkward.

Feeling the pressure to break the silence, I speak up. "But it's okay, don't worry. I'm not interested in him anymore."

McKenna looks relieved, letting out a sigh. "I'm so glad," she says. "Because I want him all to myself, and I don't want anyone getting in the way."

My jaw tightens as I force out a smile. "He's all yours."