Permanent in the Stars

13: Aurora

Thanksgiving morning, I feel thankful for the sun peaking through my window. I'm thankful that I have the house to myself and a place to go tonight. Naturally, I woke up at 5 am. Since I couldn't go back to sleep, I got out of bed and went on a hike. Part of me wanted to ask Oliver if he wanted to come with me. The other part just wanted to be alone; to recharge my battery fully to keep me together tonight.

Who knows what will happen. Oliver warned me that Asher can be a bit of a wild card. Oliver loves to talk about his friends. When he tells me stories about them, there's so much admiration and pride; I know he cares about them deeply, which I assume is rare for him. That's one of the reasons I'm confused. What is it about me that keeps him around?

I've been trying really hard to not think about it. To not think about him. Because when I do, I start romanticizing things. I start making up scenarios about an unrealistic version of him. A planned life with him in the future. I know it's not healthy to have this image of him, but it's unconscious. What makes things worse is that I'm definitely not thinking about him in a friendly way. I feel like I'm going delusional.

I sit in the forest with my breakfast. Some cut apples and peanut butter. A thermostat cup with an earl gray. When I was walking, I kept my headphones on and listened to my morning playlist. But as I sit to eat, I unplug and enjoy the silence. The natural sounds of birds and leaves calms me.

The sound of a stick breaking has my head swiveling. "Good morning," an old man says as he passes bye.

"Morning," I say with a small wave. I'm glad when he continues on with his walk. Whenever I go on these hikes by myself, there's always a lingering fear. Who knows what kind of person is near me and might see me as a target. That's why I always keep one of my ears clear from music and a pocket knife on standby. Oh to be a woman.

I drink my tea, I eat my fruit and I watch the world go on around me.

~

Oliver insisted that I come over early because I had to help cook. Now, it's 10:30 am and I stand in front of his door with a bottle of wine and my best Thanksgiving outfit. A jean dress and white crochet sweater with leg warmers and Mary Jane's.

I've rung the doorbell and now I'm waiting for someone to answer. I'm hoping it's Oliver. I'm nervous when Asher opens the door. "You must be Aurora."

"You can call me Rory," I say with a smile.

"Come on in, Rory." He moves to the side and gestures for me to enter the house. "I feel like I already know you."

"I can say the same about you. Oliver talks about you all of the time."

"He's in the kitchen. I woke up to him clanking around in there getting the turkey ready at like 5 am."

"I wasn't up that early," Oliver says from the kitchen. When we walk in, he is peeling potatoes. "Good morning Rory."

"Good morning. What time were you up this morning?"

"I was up at 6 but I didn't start cooking until like 8:30. What time were you up?"

"5. I went on a hike and watched the sunrise."

"Why the fuck would you voluntarily hike on a day you could sleep in?"

I shrug my shoulders, "Sometimes I like to be crazy."

"No, what would be crazy is if you participated in the Turkey Trot this morning. There is something wrong with people who want to run on Thanksgiving morning," Oliver says.

"That's true. There was no running for me this morning." No running for me ever, if I can help it.

"I'm going to the rink for a bit. I told Jacobs I'd help him practice," Asher says.