That Fine Line

Chapter: 5

There's a Swedish proverb that says

Fear less, hope more
Eat less, chew more
Whine less, breath more
Talk less, say more
Hate less, love more
And good things will be yours.

Right now it feels as though all I've done is to pretend to hope, breath, say and love more, just like I've been pretending with everything else in my life. I pretend to be this ever together girl when in all honesty I'm not even close to it, I pretend to be happy even though I'm really not, I pretend to want to be there for people even though I sometimes really don't want to, I'm pretending with practically everything in my life, but I guess investing my time and energy in making others happy is probably just a way to help me forget about it all, to help me somehow get through my day. Sometimes I find myself thinking 'does that somehow make me a bad person?'. Sky and I have been up in her room for the past hour or so, she called me up earlier and asked if she could come over because she really needed someone to talk to right now and though her and Aiden practically share everything, she couldn't really speak to him about this particular subject, so I told her to stay put and that Id go to her instead (it was more of an excuse to get out of the house, I needed some air) "I'm sorry I dragged you out here to listen to my endless whining but I honestly didn't want to put Aiden though any more than he already has been" she explained "No it's no problem really, you know that I'd go to the ends of the Earth for either of you" I said. See the reason she couldn't go to him with this was because it would somehow only open old wounds, wounds that the both of them would rather it stayed closed, before Aiden came along their mother had another child which aborted, no one knew about it though. She didn't want the baby because apparently she was too young to be having children of her own, but not long after that, Aiden arrived, he too was going to be aborted but this time their dad found out, he was furious to say the least,especially after he heard about their supposed first born. She claims that she was way too young to be having children and that she wasn't ready to be a mother but we all know it's because she didn't want to ruin her reputation. She ended up having Aiden and soon Skylar too. But a few years ago she fell pregnant again, she couldn't deal with the fact of having another child because apparently two was more than enough so she decided to give the baby up for adoption, about four months into the pregnancy she disappeared like a needle in a hay stack, she said that she'd be going away on business but when their dad offered to accompany her she refused, she came back a few months later claiming that the 'business venture' she was on took longer than expected, no one asked questions because apparently it's normal in the corporate world. A few months back Aiden and Skylar found out about it they went straight to their dad to find out if he knew about this, he didn't, they confronted her on it and she just shook it off like it was nothing. The two have been trying to find their little brother or sister ever since.Ive been trying to help where I can, which so far hasn't been enough "Do you know what she said when she found out?" Sky said "she told me we had no business sniffing around in her past... her past.. really... this is a child we're talking about, one that should have been part of the family" she continued "this is exactly why I didn't want her to find out in the first place, because I knew that once she knows about how we're trying to find the child that she so shamefully gave away she'd try and find a way to stop us" she got up from where she was sitting and moved over to her dresser "I still think you should at least tell Aiden about it, tell him she found out and is now calling off the search" I said "and put him through unnecessary pain?? No I can't do that to him.. This is his way of finding closure of some sort, he doesn't always show it but the fact that our mother didn't want him still gets to him and that's why his always been so dead set on proving himself, more to her than anybody else, so finding this child is kind of a way for him to prove himself not to her or me or my dad but to himself, guess he wants to help give this child a life his never had,one he could only ever dream of, have him or her be loved unconditionally, so you can't take that away from him, we're continuing with the search, my mom doesn't need to know about it" she said, to some extent I could understand where she was coming from and Aidens way of thinking sounded all too familiar for me to go around judging him because I was doing exactly the same thing as he was (he was trying to find comfort in this child while I was either trying to find comfort in others or by simply hiding behind them) not so different if you ask me. "I get it, I honestly do, I just hope you'll don't end up disappointing yourselves but like I said before, you'll can count on me, I'll do whatever takes to help" I said "Thanks, and thank you for coming over and listening, it really means a lot to me" she said coming over to give me a hug "It's no problem, really, you would have done the same,countless times if I might add but that's not the point, point is, that's what friends are for, you cry I cry, you laugh I laugh, you fall I laugh but than fall too because I was laughing so hard" I said smiling at her as I pulled her in for another hug while she laughed at my failed attempt of a joke "I'll always be there for you,no matter what" I said as I released her, she looked at me and said "Ditto". In all honesty I really do think that's what friends are for, you don't do something for someone just because your hoping that someday they'll return the favor, no, you do it because you want to, because it feels right and being friends means being there for one another no matter what,being friends means being able to overcome anything that life throws at you, it means sticking around in both the good times as well as the bad times, being honest and trustworthy and that's always been the core of our relationship, maybe that's why we're still going strong. Later that day we met up with the guys, Sky said she couldn't handle the rest of the crew right now because she wasn't really up for pretending to be having a good time, whereas with the guys she could just be, just be herself and enjoy it ( I couldn't be more thankful that she's the one who brought it up because I wasn't exactly up for it either). The five of us decided it would be a good idea to go checkout that new amusement park everybody has been going on about (including Ally), once we got there I got a phone call from Anthony asking if I'd like to hang out, I told him that I was out with some friends and asked him if we could do it some other time, he agreed and we hung up but as soon as we hung up I had an idea so I called him back "You just couldn't get enough of me could you?" He said answering the phone and I could hear in his voice that he was smiling "Get over yourself" I said "would you like to join us?" I asked him "join you'll with what?" He asked sounding a bit confused, I sighed heavily "why do I feel like the smart one I'm the smart one between my friends....Would you like to join us as in would you like to hangout with me and the rest of my friends instead?" I said "oh so we're friends now?" He asked clearly amused "oh gosh, you know what never mind, forget I asked" I said, so we're friends now?? What is that "I'm joking" he said laughing "yeah sure, where?" He asked, I explained to him how to get here and than he said "Are you sure your friends won't mind, I mean..won't they feel that I'm intruding or something?" My friends are crazy not unreasonable animals "They won't mind, in fact I think they'd like the idea of meeting my new ice-cream slash English Lit buddy" I said causing him to let of a slight laugh "okay, I'll be there in ten" he said as he hung up, I swear this guy hangs up faster than I fall asleep (which is extremely fast). I told the others about me inviting Anthony and they were all pretty okay with it, Luke even said 'good, now I can meet my competition, see what I'm up against' and I put my arm around his waist and said "don't worry Lukie boy, you have nothing to worry about, his harmless,so the way I see it, he should be the one talking about wanting to meet his competition" we did this all the time, between the five of us, this whole 'play relationships' have been going on for ages though I still say that Andrew and Skylar aren't playing, they just don't know it yet. "He just better make sure he keeps his hands to himself, I don't want to be spending the rest of my life in jail just because he didn't know what's best for him" he said and I shoved him to the side laughing when I said "you guys better quit this, we might just scare him away" thus time Andrew spoke "I thought that's what we wanted" he looked at me all innocent and what not "guys we're just friends okay, nothing if that mambo jumbo that you'll think it might be, I like him as a friend and you guys will too, all I'm saying is let's not scare him off by immediately jumping into our old routine of making people feel uncomfortable" I said "we'll if his going to be apart of our little family he might as well get use to it" Aiden said "I'm not going to win this one am I?" I asked looking at all four of them as Skylar said "Nope, sorry love but I'm with them on this one, he should either deal with it or not" she said shrugging "What should who deal with?" A voice said from behind us, we all turned around to face the voice "oh finally" I said "someone normal-ish that I can spend my day with" I said "you brought Ian... awesome" I said once I noticed him walking in our direction from afar of "yeah, I was hoping that it'll be okay" he said "Yeah it's no problem, the more the merrier" I said as Someone behind me cleared their throat "Oh right, sorry, guys this is, oh Hi Ian, this is Anthony" I said pointing at him "and this is Ian, his brother" I left out the part of them only being half brothers because it didn't seem necessary "and boys, these are my friends Skylar,Aiden,Luke and Andrew" pointing out each one of them. "Nice to meet you'll" they sang in unison "likewise" Anthony and Ian said together, what is going on here, looking between them in awe "So you must be mr ice-cream guy" Sky said pointing to Anthony "and you must be mr handsome" she said pointing towards Ian "mmh I can see why though" she said smiling, what the fudge, is she trying to stone me alive or something "what??" Ian asked looking confused "Uh nothing" I said "Its nothing, Sky just has a tendency of calling guys out on their looks....shes never really been much of the shy type" I said to him giving Sky a look as to say 'Shut the hell up' "oh, uh okay, thanks I guess" Ian said, oh gosh I can already see how impossible this day is going to get. We made our way to the rest of the rides when Andrew put his arm around me "So Anthony, what is this I hear about you giving my girlfriend free ice-cream?" He said as he shot him a look, I mentally face palmed myself "Do you ever listen" Sky said "it wasn't for her,it was for Ally" she said "This is what happens when people retell stories, but yes, if you have been listening-which you haven't, you would have known the free goodies were for Ally and not me" I said "besides, it was just toppings" I said holding onto Andrews hand that's been draped around my shoulder "If your trying to score some brownie points by playing nice with her little sister, forget it because your not getting any" Andrew said facing Anthony,oh this ought to be good "that's not what I was trying to do" Anthony retorted "Well either way, your scoring those brownies alright, just not from who you'd think" Sky said half laughing "huh?" Anthony said "lets just say that our little angel doesn't mind you and Chan spending time together, more free goodies for her" she said laughing "or so she'd like us to think" she said winking, this got us all erupting in laughter all except Anthony, who still looked as if he was beyond confused, Ian somehow caught on to what we were saying because he too was laughing "Where is the little sport anyway" he asked trying to control his laughter "I thought she'd be here" I tried to control my laughter so that I could squeeze in just enough air to formulate an answer for Ian "she's back at Andrew's house" I said "What?!!, alone?!" He asked sounding genuinely concerned (I liked that, the fact that he was concerned) "No, she's with Andrews younger sister Alicia, they've grown awfully close" I said "I offered though, asked her if she wanted to come" I said "and she said, and I quote 'I don't think I want to spend my day running after a bunch of people who can't act normal even if I paid them' , even though we're always the ones running after her" I said half laughing, I swear my sister is to big for her shoes "Tell her I say hi and that she should come visit sometime" he said "I'll tell her you said hi, but I'd rather much tell her that Anthony wants her to visit" I said laughing "that way we'd be guaranteed that she'll be thee in no time" once I said this we all started laughing again, well except for Anthony, who still didn't catch on... once again, I feel like the smart one around here "You'll get it sooner or later buddy" Luke said slapping him on his shoulder "maybe even sooner rather than later" he said laughing. We went on almost all the rides, I think there were like three or four that we didn't get to but since it was dark already we decided to each go our separate ways, we could have stayed longer because the place only closes at around 11pm. We all said our goodbyes as we parted ways Anthony and Ian thanked us for the awesome day, I went home with Sky and Aiden since we decided that I would be spending the night, Andrew promised that he'd bring Ally over since he too was spending the night, he just needed to go pick up some clean clothes and obviously Ally too. Im sure the minute that she hears we'd be spending the night at Sky's, she'd be jumping for joy and probably run out of the house forgetting to thank Andrews mom for her hospitality. We got to their place in no time "So now that we're here, alone, what did you guys really think of Anthony and Ian?" I asked as Aidens eyes said more than he was about to say "They're cool, I guess" I'm sensing a but here "but I don't like the way that Ian guy was looking at Sky" this got me laughing "Dude, relax, the guy has a girlfriend,which his crazy about" I said "so, that doesn't mean anything, guys will be guys, and incase you didn't know this already we don't think like you'll do" he said giving me a hard look "these days having a girlfriend doesn't mean or say anything" he said and that's when Sky spoke up "I'm glad that your saying that all by yourself, but it's like Chan said, you can relax, he doesn't have any ulterior motives okay" she said turning to walk away "besides his not my type anyway, so I'll leave him to Chan" she said winking over her shoulder, I tried hiding my blush "Oh no, no,no,no I'm not having any of this, I don't want either of you anywhere near that guy" Aiden said " Last time I checked in old enough to be making my own decisions, I don't need you to play the role of over protective brother thank you very much" I said now following Sky "besides who said I was aiming my game at him, maybe I'm trying to score a few brownies from Ant" I said smirking "Ant? Ant? Since when do you call him Ant?" He asked "oh would you cut it out Aiden, you had your chance but refused to take it ... so let the girl do what she pleases and with who she pleases" Sky said clearly amused "what is who pleasing?" Said the voice that belonged to Andrew as he entered the living room with an over excited Ally who ran over to hug Sky and I and jumped into Aidens arms... okay that's new,usually she'd go straight for Sky "Chandré here appears to be trying to score brownies from mr Ice-cream guy" Aiden said "oooo are you guys talking about Ant? I like him, I think him and Chan would make a cute couple" Ally said smiling "WHAT?! You too?!?, Go get off me" Aiden said pushing Ally to the side "You traitor" Sky and I laughed at this,so hard that she was clutching her stomach "wait, did you just say what I think you said, that she has a thing for mr Perfect?" Andrew said raising his eyebrow "seriously guys what is with the name calling?" I asked, what's with that "Chan do yourself a favor, don't do this, trust me you do not and I repeat you do not want to get involved with someone like that" he said moving forward to give me one harsh look "and why is that, is it because of his striking looks or is it because of his outstanding personality or no wait, it's because of both his dashing looks and awesome personality" I said sarcastically "No Chan we're just looking out for you, guys like that only wants what's best for himself, only looks out for one person and one person only,his just going to mess with your head Chan" he said resting his hands on my shoulders "look guys I appreciate you guys looking out for me, but I think you'll should at least allow me to make my own mistakes, how am I going to learn from them if I don't make any" I said looking at the both of them "and just by the way, this isn't one of those mistakes, Anthony really is a great guy" I said removing Andrews hands from my shoulders " plus I don't even know why the two of you are making such a big deal out of this, I wasn't even being serious, but if I were, I'd like for you'll to respect that" I said "yeah,its like I said before, the two of you'll had plenty of opportunities to make her 'yours' but you let it slip through your fingers, just like any other good thing that comes your way" Skylar said joining our little quarrel "besides you don't see her interfering in your love affairs" she said shrugging "Sky you seriously need to stop this playing Cupid crap" I said looking straight at her "and another thing didn't you hear that lately nobody is ever 'yours' it's simply just your turn" I said laughing as everyone else joined me "oh gosh, I just made myself sound so cheap" I said face palming myself "I meant in general, not me, I'm not like that, I would never. ugh" I said my face red with embarrassment as the others laugh "relax Chan we know, we know that's not what you meant" Andrew said walking over to me hugging me as I buried my head in his chest silently asking Sky to use her magic powers to make me disappear "Oh trust Chandré to help lift the tension in the air" Aiden said "you always did have a way of getting out of a serious situation" he said moving over to ruffle my hair "Can I die now, please, someone just stab me" I said from the comfort of Andrews chest "this is fun, seeing my sister at the receiving end of things" Ally said giggling, I completely forgot she was here "priceless" she said getting everyone laughing again "Come on Channy, lets go wash of your tomato red face and replace it with something more normal, something more Chan" Sky said trying not to laugh, I let go of Andrew refusing to look at any of them as I followed Sky upstairs "I'll get you'll back for this" I said as I continued walking "For what?" Aiden asked "that was all you", and this ladies and gentlemen is what my life is like with my friends around.