All That's Left Is An Unspoken Word

Chp 3: I Will Not Follow

He was supposed to stay in the Jingshi to rest, but he snuck out instead. It was yet evening, so he wasn't really breaking the rules. Still healing from the whip strikes, he didn't know why he was being so disobedient.

After what happened at the Nightless City, Lan Wangji was punished for harming his thirty-three elders trying to protect Wei Wuxian. This resulted in him getting thirty-three whips. He offended the elders, and he was punished openly. 

Lan Wangji was in seclusion and bedridden for three months. And that caused him to not being able to protect Wei Wuxian at the Siege... But what could this feeble man do? Even if he was there, would it have been any different? 

Would Wei Wuxian have lived? Or would Lan Wangji have made himself suffer by watching how the person he most loved unjustly died, thinking the whole world hated him and celebrated his passing. 

So many things to say, but it was all left unspoken. Emptiness filled the void wherein the heart was supposed to be. This man had ruined me, in every possible way. You entered my life to leave and have me craving for your whole being, how cruel could you be?

 What kind of person is so selfless and dreams of saving the world with his own bare hands? That hand that I'd rather hold as we gazed at the moon that shone from above us. But that hand, which was supposed to warm mine, was rather colder than ice itself. 

This time that the moon shone on us, your hair danced with the cold breeze of night as you stood before me. I scrambled for the words to express my feelings, as you glared with crimson-red eyes waiting impatiently. In the end, what I wanted to express and say, made you displeased. The green that surrounded us was not that grass that we used to lay on with rabbits. But the fire, that your hatred produced.

To the man who changed me. To the man that I've ever only loved. To the man that will never know my true feelings. There is one thing, no... I have yet told you anything. I have yet to tell you that my heart aches every second that we are apart. I have not yet told you... that I love you.

If only this coward of a man could express himself more, would you still be here by my side? If only I had swallowed down my pride a little bit earlier... Would you stay? Would you care to look at me?

My fated one, why did I have to be the only person you neglected? What was the use of these words on his mind? When the man he'd wanted to hear this was already gone. What was the use of that smile? If that man that he only smiled for has passed.

Lan Wangji placed Bichen on the ground, getting ready to leave for the Burial Mounds. I will cherish every little thing that you gave me Wei Ying. Even this pain that you had left me with.