MAJOR OMORI SPOILERS FOR LIKE EVERYTHING
Omori crackfic
Warning: cusses and stuffs
I feel like auby just busted down his door and was just like "YO HERO GUESS WHAT"
"What did kel do"
"Kiss your dead girlfriends kid brother"
"Excuse me"
"You wanna see the pictures"
"Depends do you have PTSD"
"Aubrey-"
"I'll send them to you turn on your airdrop"
"You don't have my number??"
"I dropped my phone down the stairs sound familiar"
"AUBREY-"
———————
"HEY HERO HOWS THE SINGLE LIFE TREATING YA"
"Aubrey- that was four years ago"
"And you're still single your bar is so low it's literally a dead woman go bang someone in a bar or whatever college people do"
"AUBREY"
"What??? Am I wrong??"
"You can't talk your bar is any woman who cusses"
"I'm taken at least"
"At least my mom didn't disown me for my taste"
"HERO UNCALLED FOR"
"YOU BROUGHT MARI INTO IT"
————————-
"HEROOOOO"
"Holy shit Aubrey please leave me alone I'm not in the mood"
"LANGUAGE"
"You called Kim a bitch as a greeting"
"Anyways, I heard from basil you weren't doing great so I got you something"
"Really??"
"Here ya go" *hands him a bouquet of lily of The Valley*
"You Sick son of a bitch"
"What?? No thank you??"
"You can thank me when I'm done shoving Kim down some stairs"
——————-
"Heya Sunny!! Merry Christmas!!"
"Oh hi basil"
"I got you a gift! Hope you like it!"
*hands him a weed plant*
"Basil did you get me weed"
"Yes"
"Here's my gift BTW"
*hands him a card*
"Oh! That's so nice of you! I can't wait to see what's insi-"
*it's a restraining order and selfie of him at a police station*
"Sunny you've got to be shitting me"
"Merry Christmas ya filthy animal"
"I don't understand???"
"Let me put it this way, I have evidence you were at the crime scene and won't hesitate to use it. Start running"
"Fuck."
————————
"Hey Sunny"
"Omori how are you here I killed you"
"No you didn't I won that fight"
"YOU DID NOT WIN"
"YES I DID"
"I WON BECAUSE I HAVENT BEEN TO HEADSPACE IN LIKE GOD KNOWS HOW LONG AND I LEFT MY HOUSE"
"Anyways I'm not having this argument today"
"You started it"
"I SWEAR ON LITTLE LORD BABY JESUS- You know what??? Nevermind"
"No wait now I wanna know"
"You're not gonna get to hear it"
"Tell me"
"No"
"Why"
"Because you're a dick"
"I'm you?!?"
"Shut the fuck up smartass"
"But seriously thought what was it"
"Oh I wanted to know if we were out of Cheeto Puffs"
"Why do you need those?!"
"We ran out of Doritos"
————————
"Hey sunny-"
"What's up Hero?"
"What exactly happened with your eye??"
"Uh-"
Kel:"Don't worry Sunny I got this one"
Sunny: "are you sure about that"
Hero"Shut up sunny I wanna hear what Kel thinks"
K:"Sunny's In a fight club"
S:"Excuseme What"
H:"And what evidence do you have??"
K:"Easy, he didn't leave his house to minimize the evidence for the cops and they figured it out so sunny was gonna move to hide the remaining evidence"
S:*cant Tell if he's helping him or being stupid* "Uhh yeah darn you caught me-"
Aubrey: "SUNNY YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH"
Sunny:"Fuck-"
A:"WHY DIDNT YOU INVITE ME I COULD'VE CRUSHED THOSE HOES"
————————-
K-"HEEYYYYY SUNNYYY"
S-"Hey Kel what's up"
B-"SUNNY!!!"
S-"Basil I put a restraining order on you what are you doing here"
B-"I cant stay away from you forever 😩"
K-"Damn I was gonna ask if Sunny wanted to go to other mart with me but now I'm invested"
S-"Basil friendly reminder I have criminal evidence against you"
Mari-"I KNOW WHAT THIS CALLS FOR"
S-"MARI WTF BUT ALSO DONT DO IT"
M-"ITS TIME FOR THE GENDER CONFUSED LOVE TRIANGLE HOMOSEXUAL BACHELOR"
B-"you forgot the spoiler in the title that Sunny lifts his restraining order"
M-"You're right I did forget something *ahem*
ITS TIME FOR THE GENDER CONFUSED LOVE TRIANGLE HOMOSEXUAL BACHELOR FEATURING A PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL PATIENT"
S-"Oh she got it right yeah"
K-"Yo Mari when is the first episode coming to Netflix"
M-"You're in the episode"
K-"what"
B-"Am I in the episode UwU"
M-"Yes You're the one who gets cancelled on twitter"
S-"L"
B-"NOOOOOOOO"
M-"OKAY TIME FOR THE EXPOSITION"
S-"But we already know each other?!"
M-"Shut the fuck up its the bachelor everything is unnecessary or Horny"
S-"I know who the horny one is"
B-"UNCALLED FOR"
S-"She's right though"
B-"yeah"
M-"ANYWAYS-
''Twas the night before Christmas-"
S-"WRONG ONE"
M-"Twas the night before Easter"
K-"Also wrong"
M-"TWAS THE FARAWAY TOWN WAR BETWEEN GAYS"
S-"I'm Bi"
K-"I'm pan"
B-"I'm depressed"
All except for basil-"HOLY FUCK WE KNOW"
B-*cries*
M-"OKAY ANYWAYS
Twas the war between three lgbtq baddies for one man that is a literal shut in,
One probably ate crayons as a kid, and the other was an accomplice to a murder"
B-"That wasn't made public!!"
M-"Call me a degenerate because we getting all up in your business hoe"
S-"I love this show"
M-"Okay and now we will have our contestants introduce themselves"
S-"I'm Haaorry Stouyles"
B-"Ew i hate Harry Styles"
M-"The name stays"
K-"Fucking L basil"
B-"UwU im basil and Sunny is the love of my life 🥺👉👈"
M-"there's only Haaorry Stouyles on this show and the other one"
K-"I'm... LINE?"
M-"Gay"
K-"I'm gay! Wait what"
S-*wheezing*
B-"Get your own thing"
M-"THE GAY STAYS"
B-"Dammit!"
M-"Now for the first round, Sunny make your choice"
B-"Please be me, Sunny. I'll buy you all the weed you want!"
M-*magically turns into an auctioneer*
Basil coming in hot! Kel can you top his price
S-"what is happening right now"
M-"we are auctioning you off to the highest bidder because this episode would be really short without a twist"
K-"I'll give Sunny less PTSD"
M-"SOLD TOOO BA-"
B-"YES SUNNY IS MINE"
M-"you didn't let me finish"
S-"Oh?"
M-"SOLD TO BADDIE KEL CONGRATULATIONS"
S-"YES!"
B-"go jump off of something"
K-"Basil you little cock"
S-"Basil go get decapitated by and elevator and eat some watermelon"
B-*runs away crying*
S-*hands Kel a Lily of The Valley flower because roses are for basil assholes*
K-"I'll cherish it forever"
M-"I leave you all with but one message-
Go bang in front of basil"
S and K-"we will"
*Mari disappears*
Hero-"Wtf happened here"
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HOPE YOU LIKED THEM
