Killugon one shots

Purpose

Type: Angst & Fluff

Pairing(s): Killugon

Description:

Killua's life has a purpose. Everything he does has a purpose. Everything he does needs to have a purpose. Sometimes he just doesn't need to understand it.

One shot was originally posted : 05/01/2023 on AO3 by 0Creativity0 (me).

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" - And that's why you need to control your emotions, and to make sure others can't read them. Illumi said. "

As often, after giving little Killua a new instruction, he explained to him why it was important, and necessary. Killua didn't know if it was supposed to motivate him, or if it had something to do with learning how to do it better, but he found it useless. As long as he was asked to, he'd do it, and his brother knew it; he was the one who had taught him not to question a Zoldyck's order.

His whole life, Killua walked with purpose. At the mansion, his purpose was often to get to his room. Outside during his missions, it was mostly to intimidate -or directly kill- his targets. Sometimes, in certain contexts, he'd have to "befriend" them or others first in order to do things right. In those occasions, he had to walk in a comforting and approachable manner, like most ordinary people would. 

The same applied to when he talked. Any word that left Killua's mouth was meticulously prepared and pronounced with the perfect intonation, ajusted to the situation. 

His aura, his facial expressions, his positions, his body language, his clothes, his heart rate, the speed of his steps, the height of his body and the sound of his breath, everything was always, always, under control, the way it needed to be just so he can take the biggest benefit possible out of it. After all, the human kind is stupid and easy to fool.

Later on, when Killua grew out of the age to play with his siblings, he stopped leaving his room as well. What was the purpose of going on a walk, exactly? He didn't know. Nobody asked him to do so, so he wouldn't. He only left for his mission and his training, occasionally visiting Alluka. 

For twelve years of his life, Killua never took a second to think of that said purpose. He trained, that was his purpose. But he only trained to kill people, so maybe that was his purpose. But the reason he killed people was to get money, so logically winning money was his purpose. But what was the purpose of winning money? 

For most people, winning money meant having a comfortable life. For the Zoldyck family, it was more of a way to be feared. The Zoldycks are dangerous and rich and unreachable. But why did they need that reputation if nobody knew who they were as individuals? In fact, most people didn't even know the Zoldycks actually existed. 

Actually, he didn't even know what a purpose was supposed to be. 

He didn't know if he was expected to be like Mike, completely inhuman and heartless, but he had been, for twelve years. But he tried not to the day he stabbed his brother Milluki and their mother. 

He stabbed them with the purpose of leaving. He left with the purpose of participating to the hunter exam. He participated to the hunter exam with the purpose of testing himself and having a bit of fun. After that, he didn't know, but he feared that if he didn't find the answer to that question by the end of the exam, he'd go back to the Zoldyck mansion. 

Killua blinked. He had been staring at the floor for a while, his eyes were empty of emotions and thought. The white haired male looked up, gazing at his pretty eyed boyfriend sitting in the hotel bed. He was drawing something in his little pocket sketch book, biting the interior of his left cheek, near his inferior lip. 

They had spent their morning training. In the afternoon, they had walked around the city shortly. It was a big city filled with skyscrapers. Gon, unused to this kind of views, could stay in public transport and visit guides going around and discovering the city for hours, but for Killua, who had not only visited a lot of these in his childhood but had also accompanied Gon in his trips to cities like York New, it often became repetitive and tiring. Aware of that, the shorter boy would always cut short to their walks around the gray places of the city and go back to the hotel room or whatever place they stayed at. So, after getting some ice cream, they went back to the little motel room they had to share. 

Even if it was only eight PM, Gon had already taken a bath and changed to his pyjamas. Tomorrow, they'd have to wake up early. Killua said they needed to be up at four and a half max. That gave them about half an hour to arrive the airport so they could catch their flight, which was at five and a half. Even if they had only spent a night in this country, the two lovers needed to leave. 

Killua remembers, the day he met Gon. He was surprised to discover they were the same age. He was surprised because Gon was running at a fast pace for a long time and seemed surprisingly calm. He was intrigued by Sato, the strange examinator. By Hisoka, the clown who's comportment is more than disturbing. He was surprised to see his brother. At the exam, he had a crazy time, really. But out of all of these surprises, one stood out. Gon. He was surprised Gon wanted to be his friend. 

The day Gon came, all the way from the hunter exam to help Killua, something in him changed. The boy took a whole new level of importance to his mind and in his heart. That exact day, Killua knew whatever came next he wouldn't want to return home, because he had found it, his purpose. He didn't know what it meant, not just yet, but did he really need to? From that day and on, Gon was all he had. He was his friend, his first friend, his best friend. 

After a few seconds of eye contact with Killua, Gon, who was now getting under the covers, smiled at the white haired boy. And once more, in the cold and the dark of the night, the sun shone, to Killua's eyes at very least. His heart jumped in his torso: it always did when Gon smiled for him. Killua smiled back, as his cheeks turned a slight shade of pink. 

The eye contact went on for a few more seconds before Killua entered the bed as well, turning of the lights and getting ready for yet another night. On the other side, Gon prepared himself for the incoming day. This might sound similar, but it's one of the things which mane Killua a person, and Gon another. They layed together until Gon drifted to dream land. The other boy stared at him for a little while, as he sometimes did when he couldn't reach sleep. Even in his sleep, there was just something about Gon that was different, even if Killua can't always put a word on it. He smiled as Gon started snoring lightly. He never thought he'd say something like that as a child, because it's exactly what he's always been told not to do, but now he knows it. He'd die for his purpose. 

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This was my first finished attempt at a one shot ever.