Criticize the Lullaby (Cashby)

Chapter Two

***Austin's POV***

Me and Alan brought all my stuff into my room, then went down to the living area to chill for a few minutes. Star Wars was on, on the Sci-Fi channel, so we put that on. Neither of us were really watching it though, there was an awkward tension in the room that I didn't understand, so I asked him when we were leaving, " hey what time a we gonna get going for Tino's 'welcome back' thing?"

"we'll he said to meet around 6 ish so..." Alan wouldn't look at me, it was weird, I wonder what's up with him... "I'd go start getting ready if I were you though" he got up and went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water and came back out.

"Why so early?"

"We'll we're gonna go to that sushi bar" he paused trying to think of the name "Okanas, and then go to the new club down the street, PanAM?" ohmygod I LOVE SUSHI. And panAM wasn't too far away from it, tonight should be fun.

I checked my phone for the time, it was 5:17 "Okay, we'll I'm gonna go take a shower and stuff soooo.... Just hang out or whatever, or don't if you don't want to... You know, just whatever. I'll be out in a few." I turned and started to walk down the hall to the bathroom. Alan called out something, but I didn't understand what he said "what?"

"I asked you if you were okay..." He said.

"Yeah" I smiled. Austin you're a liar. Just tell him... "I'm great, it's Good to be back, but I'm gonna go get ready so we aren't late, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Arrite go on" he slumped down on the couch, and I went to the bathroom for a shower. Alan's acting so weird...

I stripped my clothes off and turned the hot water on its highest setting and turned the cold on a little. I like my showers hot. I stepped in and immediately felt the tension from the day and the returning stress melt off of my body. It's so relaxing when I'm by myself, I rested my forehead against the cold tile, letting the hot water go through my hair "why can't he just see it? I make it so obvious, and he can't see it" I sighed hard "I shouldn't have come back" I whispered to myself, and let the tears fall down my face.

On our last tour me and Alan had been so close. We did everything together, and I do mean EVERYTHING. We once had to shower together because the time was running out for us to be on stage, and we both reeked horribly. It's not like anything happened, and it wasn't that awkward. At least it wasn't for me anyways. I know it sounds weird, but that's the kind of relationship we had, we were best friends, and best friends do everything together, all the time. No matter the situation. It never happened again after that, it was a one time thing.

But that's the weird thing about it, nothing was different about our friendship, and then one day it just seemed like everything changed. Alan didn't want to be around me as much, so after the tour was over we didn't really hang out at all like we used to. I didn't understand it, and it broke my heart. I had started drinking pretty heavily, and I distanced myself from everyone. Phil, tino, Aaron, Alan, shay, everyone. There was a point I hit where I didn't even answer my texts or calls. I just stayed up in my room and got myself intoxicated. Most nights I didn't know what to do with myself. It was horrible.

Alan wasn't even worried about me. He didn't come by to check on me, he didn't care what happened to me either I'm sure. One night, when I was really upset about it I had cut myself. Before it got to far though I stopped myself, what would envy one think if they found out? What about the fans, everyday I tell them that no matter where you are or what's happening it gets better and you don't need to hurt yourself, what would they say about it? My hand brushed down against my hip where I had done it... The scars was still so visible, and I remember exactly the way it felt. Pushing the blade through my skin felt like forgiveness, like I was being forgiven for the way I was feeling... Like I shouldn't have felt that way to begin with.

I herd a knock on the door and Alan's voice "Austin are you okay?" I didn't even realize that I was crying this loud, my tears had melded together with the water, and my thought over powered me again. I hadn't even realized it...

"W-what? Yeah I'm fine, I'll be out in a sec." I shouted to him. He didn't reply, I finished showering, put a towel around my waist and opened the bathroom door. Alan was sitting against the wall opposite the door. He stared up at me with a worried expression. "Alan what are you doing there..."

"I wanted to make sure you were okay, I heard you crying and got really worried" he stood up "I just wanted to make sure you were okay"

"Yeah I'm okay" I smiled at him. It was so fake I don't see how he didn't catch on "I was just... I don't know, missing my mom a little" I looked down and gripped the towel around my waist tighter.

Alan put his hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him "hey, you know I'm always here right?" I nodded and He gave my shoulder a little squeeze and smiled "you better go get dressed its 20 till 6 , we're gonna be late"

I nodded again and he walked down the hall, leaving me by myself. I walked up the stairs to my room and closed the door. I immediately went over to the closet and looked through my clothes. Black skinnies, and my favorite red and black flannel popped out at me so I put my pants on quick and went over to my mirror to fix up my hair.

I was about to put my create music tank on when I heard Alan start walking up the stairs so I yelled "DON'T COME IN IM NAKED" laughing, right after I said that he walked in and stared at me with wide eyes.

"AWWWE YOU LIED TO ME AUSTIN!" He came over to me and warped his arms around my naked torso, hugging me tight. I tensed up. "hurry up, tino just texted wondering where we were." He stepped away and went to leave my room

"Why do you do that." I said in a flat tone looking down.

"Do what..." The ginger haired boy looked down at his feet, and put his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He'd been wearing it the whole time he was here... He almost never wears his jackets in doors... He always complains that he's "too hot" whatever.

"Nothing... Never mind. I'll be down in a few minutes" I went and closed the door, and I herd him walk down the stairs. I finished getting ready and came down stairs. Alan wasn't there. And his car was gone. I went to get my keys from the table and there was a note there... From Alan...

"Hey sorry I left I'll just see you at dinner Melanie called me, she said she needed me to meet her somewhere, love ya man :) -Alan"

I crumpled it and threw it across the room and sat down on the floor with my knees pulled up to my chest. I haven't even met her, and I hate her. I can see that Alan likes her, I don't even want to go tonight if she's going to be there. But I can't just stand the rest of the guys up. I put my head on my knees and groaned. I can't not go. I got up, went to my car and started it up, the music blasted again and I slammed the off button on the system hard. I drove for about 10 minutes before I made it to Okanahs, and as I was pulling up to park my car on the side of the building I saw Alan against someone who I assume was Melanie, making out.

I turned the car off and got out, slamming the door so hard that I ended up hurting my arm. I cursed under my breath and walked around to the front doors. I felt the tears start to well up and I bit my lip choking them down, I saw the guys and I waved over at them, then headed to the bathroom and cried.

***end chapter***

The next chapter will be in Alan's point of view, and then switches to Austin's and it just... UGH it's in Alan's in the beginning. Whatever.