Criticize the Lullaby (Cashby)

12.0

THIS VERSION OF CHAPTER 12 HAS ONLY ASSUMED SELF HARM AT IS CONFIRMED, THERE IS NOTHING THAT IS TOO GRAPHIC I PROMISE JUST SOME BLOOD IN A SINK I SWEAR STAY STRONG I LOVE YOU ALL <3

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Sitting in his car in silence as rain poured down hard, sounding like a flood of pebbles rolling down a hill, he counted the rings it took for Oliver to answer his phone. One... Two... Three... Fo- "aus?" although he had answered austin didn't respond. He sat there controlling his breathing and trying to sort out the mess in his mind. "Austin wants the matter? I can hear you..." it's actually pretty pathetic that Austin's been on the brink of crying all the time because of this. The smallest things upset him so much, and this... This was no way near something small. What just happened back there is quite the opposite. "Austin what's going on? Where are you?" Austin gripped the steering wheel and his phone to stop his hands from shaking, and wasn't very successful seeing as his phone was still quivering against his ear.

"I'm in my car. I'm not... I... I just talked to Alan. He uhh... I..." he was stammering, unsure of what to say, and if he was even allowed to talk about this with Oliver. Austin went silent.

"Austin what happened?" Oliver's voice was laced with sadness as he knew that it more than likely didn't go well if Austin was talking to him now like this. "do you want me to come over?"

Austin nodded and then realized he couldn't see him. Obviously. "would you?" he didn't want to ask too much of Oliver, he didn't want to be too needy, or need to be taken care of. But he needs something, he needs someone to help him make sense of this all even though he knew what it all meant.

"of course I'll be over as son as I can. Be safe."

He knew that it was his fault.

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Alan was forced to walk in the pouring rain 6 blocks all the way home. Sure he could have easily called Mel to come pick him up but he needed time to think about this. He needed time to try and sort himself out. He needed time to act like he was in a crappy, messed up romance movie where the main characters fight all the time even though they're best friends and then Realize that they're in love with each other. Except this movie wouldn't have that happy ending. They wouldn't end up together. This movie wasn't even a movie, it was his fucked up life. Alan knew that he should have put his zip-up under his leather but he didn't. Why couldn't he listen to himself ever? He could have avoided Austin seeing his scars, and he could have avoided being drowned by the sky. But no, Alan never listens.

He was lucky for one thing though. It was almost 4:30 which Melanie would be leaving for work, and he could be alone for the night. He could do whatever he wanted. He could do whatever he needed. And he knew what he wanted. He knew hat he needed. He knew he was breaking their rule. But let's be real, who the fuck cared?

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The drive was hell. With anxiety and paranoia that kicked in Austin was lucky to make it home with the way his driving was, but he somehow managed. His mom was definitely watching out for him right now. She always was. He now stood on his Porch fumbling with his keys in shaky hands, breaths short. It only took a few seconds of trying before he dropped them. Trying again he only dropped them a second time. The third time Oliver had opened the door and Austin had realized that it was never even locked in the first place. God he felt so stupid right now how could he not know that it wasn't even locked? He should have remembered that Oli was coming over.

"Austin you need to sit down. You're shaking like a madman, and I know how that sounds and that's not how I meant it, but seriously please sit down" Oli was concerned to say the least. He helped Austin over to the couch to sit down and even then Austin continued to shake almost violently. He has to have some kind of medication for this right? Right... Oliver quickly said "hold on" as he dashed up the stairs to Austin's room where he expected there to be some kind of medication somewhere.