Criticize the Lullaby (Cashby)

Chapter Six

***Austins POV***

I don't really know what happened. The last thing I remember is telling Danny to have fun fucking Ben and then it's all fuzzy... I'm pretty sure I made out with some girl and danced after that, but even that's a little — no a lot — foggy.

I don't know how I got home either, I bet it was one of the guys, I know my head hurts like a bitch though. That, I do know. Also I know I smell bacon and that means Alan must be here and he must be how I got home last night and didn't kill myself getting to bed. Or I picked someone random up and it's them and they didn't leave after whatever happened last night, but I'm gonna hope it's the first one, for my own sake.

I sat up in bed with my head in my hands. I should have payed more attention to how much I was drinking. It sounds stupid I know, "how does someone not pay attention to how much they're drinking?", right, well, maybe I just didn't care too much. And now I guess it's a little to late to care about it, but I can't help but feel like I fucked something up.

I look over at my alarm clock and next to it laid two blue pills and some water, I look to see the time and the soft blue numbers read 2:30 PM. I downed the pills and some of the water and changed out of my clothes from last night , opting for only a pair of black and grey plaid pajama pants instead. I grabbed my glasses from the nightstand where they laid and left my room, going to find out the damage of last night.

When I came down into the kitchen I was greeted by the back of a short ginger man, wearing one of my grey hoodies and a pair of my sweatpants, both much too long for him, cooking breakfast. Despite the time. I smiled softly to myself, I could get used to this. I could get /really/ used to this. I walked up behind him, gently placing my head on his shoulder "boo".

He turned around fast almost hitting me in the shoulder with the greasy spatula he was using to cook pancakes with. His eyes wide, and a worried expression across his face. "Jesus fucking Christ, Austin what the fuck was that!" He whisper yelled at me.

"I don't know M'sorry, I was just messing around I wasn't sure who... Er... Or what really to expect down here... I didn't mean to scare you" I whispered back, flashing a smile down at him. I turned away to go to the fridge. Opening it disappointedly, I grabbed for the OJ and twisted the cap off. "And why are we whispering" I whisper shouted to him, now that he'd turned and started to flip his food again.

"Oh." He said normally "I'm not sure... It's early?" He came over to the cabinet next to me and took out two plates. I sniffed the OJ and then put it in front of his face. "What are you doing..." He gave me a strange look and slowly pushed the box away.

"Taste it, it smells funny to me. And anyways, It's not, it's like 2:30 in the afternoon, we've practically missed the whole day"

"Austin I just bought that this morning it's fine check the date if you don't believe me." I looked down at the black lettering and realized he was right "oh wow thanks for taking my word for it..."

"No, no that's not... That's not what I uhh." I put the orange juice on the counter and went for two glasses, setting them next to the juice. "Anyways... I don't really remember what happened last night... Could you fill me in...?" I poured our juice and set them across from each other at our places on the island.

Alan was setting our plates down at the island in the middle of the kitchen and stopped, looking up at me with a sad, kind of confused/hurt expression. "Well. What's the last thing you remember...?"

"Uh... Well." I'm not gonna tell him about Ben and Danny, he can figure it out on his own "talking to Ben and then dancing. I don't remember much else it's all really fuzzy..." I looked down, taking a piece of bacon off my plate.

I listened to him explain how he didn't know what happened before he, the rest of the guys, and Melanie got back to the table. But then how he dropped everyone off at their places, and Melanie at his, with obvious intentions to get some that I had fucked up. Of course he didn't say that but still. "... And then then you said you didn't like Melanie." Oh god. Oh my fucking god! THIS IS /EXACTLY/ WHAT I DID. NOT. WANT. TO. DO. fuck he probably hates me and- "...then you got even more pissed off, basically said I was stupid, and then you told me that you were in love with me, slammed your door In my face and uhh. Then I'm pretty sure you went to sleep... I slept in the guest room..."

I held the front of my hair in my fists, squeezing my eyes shut hard, not wanting to look at him, not wanting to cry. The familiar hard feeling in my chest kept getting tighter the longer I held my breath, but I couldn't let it go, I didn't trust it. "Aus... Austin say something..." Alan was by my side and it still hadn't moved. I'd let my breath go but I was struggling not to break down and I know he knew that. "I think I probably s-said enough last n-night" I spoke quietly as the tears formed in my eyes, voice breaking. "You didn't hav-have to stay last night after I said all th-those things to you, you know..."

"Oh my god, austin stop, please don't cry, commere" he grabbed my hand and led me out to the living area and sat on the couch, pulling me on top of him, and I was kind of awkwardly straddling him. Then that was just it. Everything. I started sobbing into his chest 'I'm sorry's' and 'I'm so stupid's' and he just kept rubbing my back and told me it was okay. "hey, hey look at me" he lifted my chin up and wiped the tears from my face. "You were drunk, and you didn't even know what you were saying, I'm sure you didn't mean any of that."

I just stared at him and started shaking my head hard. No. No. No no no no no NONONONONO. I meant it all. It's exactly how I feel. "No, no I didn't mean any of that, Melanie's so nice and she's so pretty, you're lucky" I forced a smile. And I felt sick to my stomach. Alan fucking look in my eyes and see it. Tell me I'm lying.

"See I knew it, I knew you were just all upset over nothing, I wasn't gonna say anything unless you asked about it anyways" he smiled up and me and warped his arms around me tight. He doesn't even know I'm breaking on the inside. He doesn't even know. No one knows.

"I... Alan I..." I warped my arms around him and gently pressed my face to his neck, carefully breathing him in so he couldn't tell "I'm really sorry I said that, it wasn't true, I guess I just need to watch my drinking..."

"Yeah Aus... I really hope you do watch that... I don't want it to become a problem. You know what happened with Oli, I don't want you to get bad like that, I mean I know that this wasn't like anything near what he did but still, and I know he's better now, but that was really scary, for everyone... Promise?" I nodded against him, and just then his phone started buzzing in his pocket and my heart dropped knowing that it was probably /her/.

He pulled it out and answered it, my cue to get up and clean the mess he'd made a while ago. I hadn't eaten much, but I wasn't all too hungry anyways as it was. Well, not anymore...

~~

Sorry. I dunno maybe I'll update again this week, I'm on break for thanksgiving till Monday. Woo. I got new merch from the HT at my local mall and I'm so happy about it because I got some secret Christmas stuff that I don't know about that my mom sent me out of the store for and also I found out that I'm gOING TO THE AMAERICAN DREAM TOUR SO FUCK YES MOTHERFUCKERS FEBUARY 21ST BITCH! Goin with one of my good friends Sam and possibly maybe lex? And I think Henry's taking us, that'd be cool o3o

And also I'm sorry if this sucks and I'm sorry if it's not long enough for you but hey, I updated so be happy about that at least ;b I'll probably update again but I'm not sure. Maybe. That's all I'm saying. That is NOT a promise.