Shadow Seer [18+]

~ Seventeen ~

Despite the events of the previous night and her encounter with Amir, Sanaa found it difficult to sleep. She lay in her bed for hours, feeling unsettled and confused with so much to unpack about Ghassan's current state and Amir's treatment of her. After restless movement in her bed, she woke up what felt like seconds later and continued her agitated thought in the light of day.

Ghassan Dalmoud. The Dark Emperor, the man who had stolen her childhood and ruined her life, could die and she could be free. It should have been easy but Amir still stood between her and the gates of her freedom. There was one thing that had become abundantly clear to her.

Amir had wanted her last night. He'd said as much and she'd felt it in the way his shadows had pawed at her flesh, but there was no denying the pure physicality of it. It wasn't hard to desire someone, to lust for them. She'd done it to him for years. Sanaa hated that she'd liked the way he'd touched her. It shouldn't have felt different to the way Ghassan had touched her, but it did. Despite his words about wanting to do bad things to her, Sanaa couldn't ignore she wanted to know what those things were. She was a hypocrite she knew, because despite knowing all he had done to Bashaii and its royal family, she didn't quake at the idea of Amir having his way with her against a wall or being rough with her as he had been in the dark.

It shamed her to feel this way because Amir had touched her without her consent, just as Ghassan had, so she should be mad at him. She should fear him. Did it matter that deep down she'd wanted it?

Of course it matters, she chastised herself but without any real conviction. What if Amir had slapped her? Would it be sexy? No, Sanaa removed those thoughts from her head, knowing that no matter how attractive she found Amir, if he'd treated her as viciously as Ghassan had — grabbing her throat and fondling her aside — she'd hate him too.

I cannot become my father.

There was conflict in Amir, anyone could see that but what was he battling with? Sanaa might have thought it was feelings for her but fondling her in the dark did not equate to being called feelings.

No matter the reason, Amir's inner turmoil was more than warranted. Ghassan had ordered him to kill his mother and siblings when he was only ten years old. He'd killed Queen Ygris and beheaded Princess Elyria on Ghassan's orders. He'd raised cities and ravaged villages all on Ghassan's orders, but when did that blame stop laying at Ghassan's feet? When did Amir become responsible for all his father commanded?

Amir had been angry at her for being complacent but how was he doing his father's bidding without question any different? He was a hypocrite and, more than that, he was a coward. He might want Sanaa physically, but he'd only alluded to that fact once his father was out of the picture, however momentarily. Amir was emperor. He had the power to free her now but no matter how she wished to deny it, she knew, somewhere deep down that he wouldn't.

As long as Ghassan was still alive.

Amir was too afraid of his father to defy him, even in imminent death. Ghassan had to be out of the picture completely. Sanaa had two questions: what did a young and able killer with the power to command shadows have to fear from Ghassan and could she make sure Ghassan never woke up? She knew nothing about his condition, where he was, how close he was to death door and she had no skills in order to carry out any real plan. But it was there, the possibility was there and it fuelled her in a way she didn't quite know how to dissect.

With those questions unlikely to receive any answers, Sanaa eventually got out of bed and entered her living chambers. She found Miri there, tidying things away but when she saw Sanaa, she bowed before rushing over and pulling Sanaa into a hug.

"Mistress, are you well? The pri—Emperor Amir said you were feeling unwell but that I was not to disturb you."

Sanaa held Miri's hand in a comforting grip once she'd been allowed to step back.